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source: Amityville Exorcism

Amityville Exorcism (2017) * (out of 4) A man brutally murders three members of his family with a hammer. Flash-forward to Amy (Marie DeLorenzo) and her alcoholic father moving into a home in Amityville. Pretty soon Amy begins to witness some strange things and Father Benna begins to think there's a connection to the murders. AMITYVILLE EXORCISM is yet another cheap rip-off that uses the "Amityville" name to try and cash in on the popular book and film series. It's amazing how many of these movies are out there as they've pretty much became a sub-genre all on their own. This one here, as the title clearly gives away, is an attempt to add demonic possession to the story-line. In fact, there's very little here that connects this to the actual Amityville house. The plot here has the current owner's living in a separate house but the maniac with the hammer took lumber out of the Amityville house and put into theirs. Just about the only good thing I can say about this is that it at least looks like a professional movie as the director at least managed to make a film without countless errors. It looks like an actual film, which is something a lot of recent low-budget horror films can't say. As far as the rest goes, there's really not too much here to recommend for a number of reasons. The story is just downright weak. There's one memorable gore scene but that's about it. The performances are mostly bad and I also had a hard time believing that the lead actress was a teen living with her father. She looked way too old for this and you could say that this happens in most horror movies. That's true but here it was almost laughable at them trying to pass her off as a teen. AMITYVILLE EXORCISM is a pretty lousy movie that's sadly not bad enough to where you could get some cheap laughs out of it. The movie is pretty bland from start to finish and it's pretty bad even for this series.

To begin with, the Amityville horror movies were not always the best. Far from it, really. However, this movie: with its horrible costumes: irritating "jumpscares": and lifeless actors, takes the f***ing cake. The intro itself should warn you that this movie is poorly made. I felt like I was watching a documentary with the film's terrible camera direction, I was waiting for the narrator to chime in the entire time. The actors themselves could not have done a worse job; the main "young, angsty teen" looks and sounds like she's in her mid-30's. The demon itself is an abomination; some guy with a red sheet and a solid red mask... You can even see his creeper-in-the-basement neck-beard. If you're hoping for plot, the foundation of the story is literally evil wood. Evil wood. Yes. The ending lacks any sort of satisfaction, except for the monstrosity finally ending. Don't watch this movie unless you genuinely want to torture yourself.

So yeah, director Mark Polonia has now lent his name to a low budget horror pic with fake, CGI flies. His latest being Amityville Exorcism, qualifies as one of 2017's most amateur offerings. Polonia is anxious here. He's always cutting away from telling his story. He'd rather show random images of ghastly figures, he'd rather channel rock gods White Zombie, and he'd rather get his Nine Inch Nails video fix. It's all so confusing, atmospheric-free, and totally hackneyed. Anyway, "Exorcism" (my latest review) is the 18th installment in the Amityville franchise. I haven't seen most of these films but I know for a fact that Amityville Exorcism is so far gone from being tied to 1979's original (titled The Amityville Horror). You don't even get a glimpse of "Horror's" famed house on 112 Ocean Lane (in Long Island, NY). I mean yeah it's featured on the movie poster but that's about it (I'm thinking the filmmakers and producers had no pull and no reliable permits). Made with troupers who obviously won the Hollywood lottery, green- lit with the tone of blackmailing, featuring an implausible binge drinking scene, and giving off a whiff of a rejected student film, "Exorcism" has a plot element that's as old as dirt. A young woman gets possessed and a priest must thrust the demons out of her. There's horrid acting, an opening credits sequence that feels like an 80's porno, some over-stylized direction, and a vibe of unintentional buffoonery. As far as the scare factor goes, well you'd have to be under some serious narcotics to get that effect (for the record, I don't endorse this). In terms of originality, man Amityville Exorcism copies off movies good and bad. It's like a slack version of The Evil Dead with its roving camera movement, its evil cheesy soundtrack, and its demonic speak. It's also like 1981's Saturday the 14th with its creatures looking like their donning tacky Halloween costumes. Finally, "Exorcism" kinda rips off the final scene in The Exorcist. That was an actual masterpiece with a sense of foreboding. This is clearly not. All in all, some might say that there's always room for another Amityville flick. After witnessing "Exorcism" with its straight to DVD release, its director who might have fell asleep at film school, and its neophyte cast who may never see their SAG pensions, I say go for it... NOT! Rating: 1 and a half stars.

Need I say more? Some of the reviews were more entertaining than the movie. What's up with those "special" "mind" effects and the lipstick red outfit? I have to check into a bulimia clinic after just watching ~30% of this.

Ummmm.... is this legal? Can this be called a "movie"? Uhhhh so bad I guess it was good. We laughed harder at this than most comedies. This is a whole new genre; "Comorror". Good job for making the worst movie ever! If you are on mushrooms, this might be a good bet for a hilarious good time! ;) -3 stars

This is a Mark Polonoia film, iconic bad film maker. The main question: "Is it so bad it is good, or is it just bad?" Charles Humes (Ken Van Sant) was a carpenter who was working on the infamous Amityville house and he kept the leftover wood from the project. He used this wood on another project and his own home. The demon was transferred in the wood as Charles kills his family with a hammer in the first scene. He alerts Father Benna (Jeff Kirkendall) of the issue who seeks out the home which has the wood. Meanwhile at that house we have Jeremy Dukane (James Carolus) a man who is already possessed by the Jack Jägermeister demon. Amy (Marie DeLorenzo) is his "vulnerable" daughter. The film overall was bad and I doubt most people will make it past 10 minutes. It does have a few bad scenes I had to laugh at such as the "help me" scene, the doll scene, and the climax exorcism. Our demon consisted of a white guy in a red robe, a solid red mask, and a voice distorter. He breathes heavy at time. There was not one "wood" joke, apparently Polonia moving on to a new era. Line reader, Jeff Kirkendall gave us a performance worthy of the death penalty, at least a good egging. Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

I can't think of any reason that anyone would like this.I tried. The camera work was terrible, the acting was disturbing. The plot.....really?..... haunted wood? I know its low budget and I shouldn't expect too much but honestly $20 could of made a better movie. I would have given them money not to make this. Once again being a huge horror film fan I am let down- there doesn't seem to be many good ones out there at the moment.

I thought the opening scene was a joke, maybe a spoof of what was to come. But, no, it was real and an introduction to the editing and acting that was to come for the next 80 minutes. The acting was bad, the cast was confusing, and at times, I found myself thinking, "Why am I watching a movie about haunted lumber?" But, overall, I was impressed that iMovie didn't crash and burn from the editor's abuse of sound effects. Starring: A dad who likes drinking vodka without ANY chasers. A true alcoholic. A thirty year old woman who tries her best to portray a sixteen year old girl. *Insert random modeling gig in the middle of the woods here* The girl's boyfriend? Friend? Character that exists because the director thought he was hot? A random thief who messed with the wrong haunted lumber. A priest who I had to make sure wasn't Paul McCartney's son. And Dollar Store Demon- the costume designer for this film was snubbed by the Oscar's. Bonus points: Demon dolls that show up out of nowhere toward the end of the film and are never explained. The great cinema achievement of CGI Bees. Obviously this film isn't great, and if I hadn't been sick, I would have never come across it on Amazon Prime. It is terrible, but it's hilarious. 1/10 movie, for sure. Probably doesn't deserve a star, to be quite honest. But, if you remove the haunted stick up yer bum, then it's a great movie to watch while you're sick and on sleeping meds.