Zoolander

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source: Zoolander

Moviecut—Zoolander

Shoot yourself in the foot. This would be better than watching ZOOLANDER. Better yet, pay someone $3.95 to do it. Or burn the money, that's still good because you can enjoy the few seconds of flame. But do not watch this. It will devour your soul. It is a movie that makes me want to puke until I am dead. Seriously though this movie lacked a few things. While having plenty of cameos and famous people it did not have any of the following: 1. Funny Things 2. A Plot Line 3. Anything that made sense 4. Understandable lines 5. A reason to exist Save yourself now. Run. Before its too late.

In Entertainment Weekly, Ben Stiller described this feature-length adventure of the moronic male model he created for the VH1 Fashion Awards as "MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE meets EYES OF LAURA MARS." Me, I can sum it up in two words: "AUSTIN Posers." No, better yet, I'll boil it down to one word: "endearing." That's right, endearing! As lighthearted as it is lightheaded, this daffy spoof of conspiracy thrillers and the mad, mod world of male models and other hipsters has a surprising undercurrent of sweetness to it. Star/director/co-writer/co-producer Stiller plays dopey Derek Zoolander as a gentle, essentially kind-hearted naif under his hip veneer. The same is true of Owen Wilson, putting his twang and quirky humor to good use as Derek's rustic yet hippy-dippy rival-turned-ally Hansel. I suspect folks will like ZOOLANDER even better on DVD, since there are tons of hilarious extended scenes and deleted scenes as well as the original Zoolander TV sketches that Stiller & Co. did for VH1. As Derek says in the voiceover intros on the DVD menu, the ZOOLANDER disc is a wonderful introduction to "the world of DiviDuh"! :-)

By the exaggerated tagline, "3% body fat, and 1% brain activity," I just knew that Zoolander was going to be smart and funny. And, it was. If you can rise above the literal visual interpretation to the gasoline pump fight, you'll find it too, has an underlying educational, or at least, helpful message. The characterizations of good guy versus bad guy are whimsical, creative, colorful, and funny. Derek Zoolander, (Ben Stiller) is Ben's wonderfully exaggerated version of the male model, one who is offering his best attempt to be "Balls Models" 4th year in a row, model of the year. Sadly, he loses to Hansel, (Owen Wilson) a sweet blue, green, star eyed, soft lined, model. At the loss, quirky, carefree and complex, Derek questions his reflection in a puddle of water, "Who Am I?" In search of an answer to his question, he returns home to the coal mines of New Jersey, where his generally reluctant father, Larry Zoolander ( John Voight) and what looks to be his two evidently, (one Judah Friedlander) inarticulate brothers, reside. But, it is Derek's agent, Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller) who encourages him to return to New York, so that Derek can take on the assignment, as model for Mugato's (Will Ferrell) "Derelicte," campaign. Maury is passionate and sincerely wants for his models to succeed, at making a living, in modeling. Mugato is obsessed with having Derek assassinate Malaysia's prime minister, Hassan (Woodrow W. Asai), one with a fondness for fashion and vogue, and a desire to increase pay standards, in the production industry. Derek takes the job, but little does he know that Mugato's black leathered assistant, Katinka, (Milla Jovovich) will be leading him into a day spa, that is more like a torture chamber, one designed to brainwash him into assassinating Malaysia's leader. Matilada Jeffries, (Christine Taylor) a reporter for Time, assigned to reporting on fashion events, will soon find herself in the midst of discovering a personal life, originating from her professional one. And fortunately, Hansel, is more than a competitor to Derek, but a friend, who saves both Derek and the leader of Malaysia, from an untimely death. The entire script is so creatively and colorfully articulated and presented, that one cannot help but have just so much fun, or alternatively be filled with suspense, as to whether or not Mugato will have his way with Derek. David Duchovny's scene, (mystery man on the cell phone), as scruffy bearded, eye glassed, and glass encased hand, J.P. Prewitt, at the cemetery, is really well done. In an interestingly woven monologue, he begins by explaining buried models' pre-mature deaths, scenes that include butt cheeks and abs sculpted on gravestones. It's very Tim "Robbinseque" in mood and tone and very well performed. Zoolander was much more rich in plot, characterization, and development than I had expected, after hearing, that "it didn't get great reviews." And the story still results in a very happy ending. Good wins over evil, and good guy hero gets girl. So who is Derek Zoolander? Answer: A really sweet guy, who is cute, funny, sensitive, articulate (although can't say eulogy, and instead says ulogee, but just adds more to his cute and funny attributes), and one who, we gather, has a terrific girlfriend, and cool best friend, with whom he pursues one of his true life long passions, to open up a school for kids, "to read really good." Zoolander is absolutely a "hip"comedy for every audience member.

Spoilers herein. This is yet another film which is what it is about. It is about fatuous celebrities, under the control of corporate machines, acting ridiculous for our pleasure and thinking that what they are doing is cool because they understand the irony. Ho Hum. If Stiller and Wilson actually worked with the dimensions of this and gave us something new, it would be a worthy enterprise. But though `Tenenbaum's' and this project both approach the irony, they both are prisoners of it.

I didn't expect this to be spectacular, but I also didn't expect it to be so totally bad that I kept wondering why on earth I was even watching it. The really sad thing is that it COULD have been good. Stiller Sr., Stiller Jr., Wilson, and Ferrell are quite capable of being funny, and a spoof of the fashion industry is a good idea, but the movie is ruined by a terrible script. They were obviously going for the so-stupid-it's-funny brand of humor, but they overdid it in the stupidness department, and it resulted in a movie that's so-stupid-it's-unwatchable. I couldn't believe it when they actually had a wedgie joke. You know a comedy is getting desperate for laughs when it throws in a wedgie joke. I admit there are a few good jokes in here (the "Space Odyssey" parody was great), but not nearly enough to save it. I give "Zoolander" 3 stars, which also happens to be the same amount of times I laughed.

Having seen the trailer and thought 'doesn't look very good', I decided to see it anyway since I have a membership that enables me to see as many films as I want. The film totally surpassed my expectations. Having recently decided that Jeepers Creepers and The Animal were two of the worst films I've ever seen I was completely unprepared for what I was about to see. This is now only second to Showgirls for The Worst Movie Ever Made. How is it possible for the man who was hilarious in a five minute appearance in Friends and equally brilliant in There's Something About Mary, Mystery Men and Meet The Parents take a giant step backwards create such a disastrously bad film? It failed to even raise a faint smile on my face for the entire 90 minutes. What I can't believe are the ones who have given it good ratings. Are they mad? They're probably the same people who think Showgirls is a brilliant American satire. I was surrounding by people laughing out loud and (this is no lie) applauding some of the jokes. I'm disappointed that it's not possible to give a lower rating than 1. Easily the worst film I've seen in a cinema (I saw Showgirls on TV). Even though I didn't pay to see it, I still demanded my money back at the end. Don't watch it. Ever. You'll thank me in the end. By the way, I thought The Cable Guy was very funny. I still can't believe they were applauding...

"Zoolander" is stupid, but it's stupid in every way: its characters, its plot, and its jokes, but that starts adding up to fun. I will admit that I laugh most times I watch it, sometimes I groan because of the stupidity, but I usually have a smile on my face. The plot? Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is a washed-up model who has been brainwashed to kill a foreign Prime Minister. Sound stupid? That's because it's supposed to be. We have a handful of male models, all of them with IQs lower than their body fat percentage, and all of them getting into situations that they are not mentally equipped for. You can't watch "Zoolander" for its story or its characters, you can only watch it for its inane humour. And the fact that these are men being shown off as models and not women.