Witless Protection

Which was not very. I didn't want to watch this movie. I mean after Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and Delta Farce, I nearly ripped my cousin apart for dragging me to see them. But I wanted to see a movie and this was just about the only thing that I had not already seen. I had to have a little hope since I'm a big Blue Collar fan. But, Witless Protection was packed with not-so-funny jokes and idiotic situations that only a certain buck-toothed, slovenly demographic will laugh at. If you were insulted by the preceding sentence, then this movie isn't for you either as it is offensive itself. Jenny McCarthy is fun to look at. But that doesn't makes up for the rest of this "movie" in no way whatsoever. Stick to animated movies, Larry. 1/10

Comedy Wrapped in Trashy Humor. Not kidding, it's thinking man's jokes and comedy. I wanted to hate it but no reason to do so. Give it a shot.....really, you'll like it.

It is hard to put into words just where this movie failed. But one overshadowing fact does come to mind; it was witless alright. The comedy in this 2008 movie was just about fully absent, and what little comedy that was to be found throughout the course of this movie was just about as witless as the movie itself was. I can't claim to enjoy Larry the Cable Guy's comedy, and why he is making movies is just beyond my comprehension. Ivana Milicevic was the one who carried the movie and made it any close to being bearable suffering through this train-wreck of a movie. And how they managed to get Joe Mantegna and Peter Stomare to appear in this movie was just an impressive feat in itself. I suppose that you have to be a fan of Larry the Cable Guy to enjoy this movie in any way. A witless hour and a half that deserves a two out of ten stars only given the production value of the movie. The rest of the movie just came and left without a single laugh. This was a wide swing and an even wider miss by director Charles Robert Carner.

This movie was running on one of my channels, so I decided to watch it. I found it very difficult to sit through the entire movie because it was simply terrible. First of all, I'm not an American so I don't know much about Larry the Cable Guy. I haven't seen him in any movies or television series, and after watching this movie I wonder why he's so famous. He was not funny at all in this movie. Second, they show Jenny McCarthy on the poster as if she has a lot to do with this movie, she was probably on screen for about 5-10 minutes in total. They obviously put her on the poster to lure people to watch the movie. So I'd expect Jenny McCarthy fans to be quite disappointed with this feature. Witless Protection was witless and pointless. The movie was all over the place and I did not care much for any of the characters. I would not recommend my friends to watch this movie for any reason. Time would be better spent in any other place.

Fat small-town sheriff Lawrence Whitney aka "Larry the Cable Guy" (as Larry Stalder) rescues beautiful blonde Ivana Milicevic (as Madeline) from what he believes are kidnappers. She is actually a "Witness Protection" woman waiting to testify against some big oil baddies. Accompanying "Larry" makes it more like "Witless Protection" (get it?) for Ms. Milicevic. This leads to danger and misadventure for the duo. In a smaller appearance than the film's promotional material suggests, Jenny McCarthy shows off her curves. Eric Roberts and Yaphet Kotto are among those trying not to embarrass themselves. "Witless" is too elevated a description. * Witless Protection (2/22/08) Charles Robert Carner ~ Larry the Cable Guy, Ivana Milicevic, Yaphet Kotto, Eric Roberts

I wish I could tell you the plot of this movie but it failed to have one. I can't believe I watched it all the way through. It garnered about 2 laughs from me. It had too much crude humor that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention the bathroom jokes. Larry, played by Larry, is a cop(of sorts?) thinking that Madeleine(Ivana) is kidnapped when she is actually in the witness protection program. Craziness ensues and I can't say much else. It was hard to follow-or maybe it was because I kept zoning out during the movie. I love slapstick but I think I'll stick to Jim Varney's slapstick humor. There seems to be some similarity between the two comedians. The hat, the accent, the clothes(coincidence?) and the fact that they both did stand up and went to movies though Varney was a whole lot better. Let's just hope Larry doesn't start branching out into commercials. I say, stick with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, which I think works best for Larry and please stop making movies. I'm afraid to watch the other movies that Larry has made. But, I watched this movie, trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. I did have an open mind, but I just couldn't like it.

This film is unfunny as Hell, with insensitive low-brow jokes and slapstick humor, that not a single joke made me laugh. Larry must be some Ku Klux Klan member of the higher echelons, with his racist remarks and incredulously stupid attempts to make funny jokes. There were many jokes that was insensitive, and I would like to point out one scene where he checked into a motel owned by a middle-aged Moslem. The owner didn't accept cash and only accepted cheque as a policy to check-in. Larry threatened to call his FBI friends to round the owner up under the suspicion of sheltering terrorists and having illegal weapons. It was bad enough that the world's perspective towards Moslems were of Moslems being terrorists, making jokes about it is just unwarranted! It was an hour and a half of time wasted, and I hope that the others find other films to watch.

Larry the Cable Guy (Daniel Lawrence Whitney) is an excruciatingly funny stand-up comedian. He knows how to hit a mark. It's obvious he's disciplined enough to fulfill all the requirements of doing a workmanlike job in front of a camera. Yet. Doing a movie with this level of scripted awfulness is a witless and heartless crime. Why is stupid acceptable? Why waste "Larry?" Because there are enough lunkheads who will pay from seven to ten bucks to see this trash in a theatre (we thought we'd take a chance on it, using a Netflix gift membership, so it wouldn't cost us anything). Witless was the perfect adjective. And no amount of Jenny McCarthy's skin could make this movie any better.

OK, rag on me if you want to but WITLESS PROTECTION is funnier than HEALTH INSPECTOR and DELTA FARCE. I'm not a big fan of Larry The Cable Guy but I do occasionally find myself laughing at his off color, backwoods redneck jokes. Though I do believe that out of all the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" comedians that Ron White is the funniest hands down. Anyway, Larry stars in this movie as a small town sheriff trying to make it big. Like FBI big. While hanging out at the local diner where his old lady works (Jenny McCarthy), Larry witnesses 4 ominous looking men dressed in black enter the diner with a blonde bombshell in tow (Ivana Milicevec). Larry, thinking that they have kidnapped the lady, follows them to the local gas station, causes a diversion and snatches the lady away from her entourage of kidnappers. But these men in black are actually FBI agents transporting the lady to Chicago, Illinois where she is the key witness in a big corruption case (think Enron). After awhile though, Larry thinks that these fellars are up to no good and actually want to do harm to the lady and not protect her. So Larry, using his small town Sheriff's intuition, decides that he will deliver the lady to Chicago himself. And mayhem ensues upon the way. OK, I will admit that there are jokes in here that I disliked in Health Inspector. Those being fart jokes. But damn, I found myself laughing more than I ever thought possible over a Larry The Cable Guy movie. One thing that I didn't quite understand was the scene where Larry's blows up his vehicle trying to make it out that the lady died in the fire. Anyway, it goes right from that scene to a scene where she is at the funeral home, in the casket, and the bad guys show up and Larry tells them that she is dead and they just accept it. Now, I really don't think that the lady's body would go right from the scene of the accident to the funeral home, all ready for public viewing. But, being that it is a Larry The Cable Guy movie, I guess I should just throw all logic right out the window. Better than Health Inspector? Yes. Better than Delta Farce? Yes. A great movie? No. But there are worse ways you could pass an hour and a half of your life.

If you are a fan of the redneck then you will love this movie. Larry the cable guy plays the ultimate country, hick deputy. First he has a hot girlfriend, played by Jenny Mccarthy, which makes you wonder how he could land a girl like her, but that's before she starts talking. She loves all his critters too. Larry sees this hot blond, Madeleine, come in with several suits in a black SUV. His first thought is she's been kidnapped, so he kidnaps her. They get chased by the FBI all the way up to Chicago. Madeleine is a witness. Larry thinks the FBI guys with her are corrupt. He basically gets all these ideas from watching TV shows like cops. And Madedleine has some sort of key and they are looking for a computer disk. It was sort of confusing. Basically, if you watch this, forget about the plot because the movie is all about the redneck jokes. While I didn't find it LOL, it was still amusing. Better than a lot of comedies. FINAL VERDICT: If you like " you might be a redneck if"jokes, then this movie is right up your alley. If you don't like hill billy's then, I say skip this film.