Waitress!

source: Waitress!

I bought Waitress! because I was interested to see Lloyd Kaumfan and the Troma Team's roots before the making of The Toxic Avenger, SGT Kabukiman NYPD, Tromeo and Juliet, and so on. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this movie is not as bad as everyone says it is. Actually, this movie is quite funny. It basically has the same jokes as The Toxic Avenger...just no gore. The movie seems plot less until we start to get into it a little more, and a plot actually evolves as we follow a wanna be actress and a wanna be news reporter. They both find love, and make it yet another love story, only a wild wacky one. The jokes in this film are funny for the most part, especially the "6 feet...and 11 inches" joke which is clearly the funniest part of the film. If you liked The Toxic Avenger, and other stupid comedies, see Waitress! You may or may not be disappointed.

Troma Entertainment is not known for quality films, but this one is really bad. This movie has it all: bad acting, bad directing, bad writing, bad set design, bad costumes and even a bad soundtrack. The best part of the movie is watching for the sight gags behind the main scene, like the heart attack victim being revived by jumper cables. Although the DVD seems to be marketed as soft * (the actresses featured in lingerie on the cover) that isn't at all what this film is about. The intro says its about women's lib--maybe barely. There are lots of really bad jokes, including vaudeville style jokes shoe-horned into the script despite the fact that they do nothing to advance the plot (lots of farces do this, but this wasn't supposed to be farce--at least I don't think it was!). But the most remarkable thing about this movie is that it seems to have killed the careers of almost every actor who appeared in it! There are 214 credited parts, and of those 157 actors never appeared in another film. None of the three female leads ever did another movie or TV show. I think it is quite possible that this movie ranks as the all-time leader in "last movie they ever did" category. There are a couple of actors who actually survived the film. In the intro to the DVD they mention Chris Noth (Big on "Sex in the City"; "Law and Order") and Larry "Bud" Melman. Noth has no lines and is barely recognizable in the 10 seconds of screen time; Melman has two lines. Anthony John Denison has a major part (Moe), and amazingly went on to have a very successful career. He is definitely the exception; everyone else in the movie must have changed careers.

"Waitress!" is about as bad as a comedy can get. It can barely be called a movie; it's more like a collage of randomly connected images and scenes that don't build from each other or move any sort of plot forward. And the editing is so rapid it may give you a headache. I'd give this dreadful film 0.5 out of 4 stars.

My review was written in September 1982 after a Times Square screening. "Waitress" is a low-budget comedy picture from the team responsible for the successful "Squeeze Play". Only intermittently funny, the new film is serviceable in general situations. Episodic in the extreme, pic limns the comic experiences of three waitresses at a New York City restaurant. Andrea (Carol Drake) is a feisty would-be Broadway actress working the restaurant gig until her big break. Jennifer (Carol Bevar) is a beautiful blonde fronting as a server while working on "how to meet men" article for a teen magazine, and Lindsey (Renata Majer) is a young girl who was kicked out of Troma Prep School and forced by her dad to work in his restaurant. Getting off to a hectic start, "Waitress" becomes wearisome with its reliance on food gags, pratfalls , old puns and vulgar schtick. Pic bogs down in the middle for plot material and a romantic interlude involving cafe manager Jerry (Jim Harris), who is opposed to Andrea's acting career obsession, but reverts to sheer anarchy when Lindsey is put in charge of the eatery and succeeds in wrecking it. A very old-fashioned ending has all the leads' dreams come true. Within a format which is closer to the sketch humor of drive-in films of yore, such as "If You Don't Stop It, You'll Go Blind" than sustained "Porky's" comedy, "Waitress" suffers from non-stop overacting. Although the leads are personable and in some cases attractive this is probably one credit they would like to forget. With more than 200 actors credited in the cast, most in bits, best performance is by Anthony Sarrero, genuinely amusing in a pleasantly overdone attempted cowboy style seduction of Jennifer. Other actors simply try too hard here, with use of Three Stooges-style sound effects tending to overshadow any shadings. Tech credits are variable but adequate.

By the humble standards of Troma, "Waitress!" is indeed great fun. The only reason I'm not giving the movie a 10/10 rating is that I thought it ran just a little bit too long. The problem, however, is what scenes could you cut? The movie is sheer fun, and it's funny, funny, funny all the way from the opening credits, almost to the very end. In addition to the hilarious script, the acting is excellent and the direction extremely well timed. Even production values hit a high mark in this Troma release and are anything but skimpy. Photography, editing, set design, sound recording and other credits are as smooth as you would expect from a grade "A" major studio production. "Waitress!" is included in "The Sexy Box" DVD, along with three other Troma productions that don't come anywhere near the same standard. The worst is easily "Stuck On You!" which starts off on the wrong foot and manages to get worse and worse as it tumbles through history. Oops! "Tumbles" is the wrong word here. The totally unfunny scenario does anything but tumble. It moves with the speed of a convalescent snail. Both "Squeeze Play!" and "The First Turn-On!" are mildly watchable and could even have been made reasonably entertaining with more astute acting, directing and especially editing,

WAITRESS! Is what the ancients used to call a "sex comedy", usually consisting of nudity and "ribald" humor. In this case, it makes one wonder who in the name of sanity would ever want to produce such a thing? Starring no one in particular, and filled with idiot sight gags and dialogue, WAITRESS! Is sort of a grounded version of AIRPLANE!, minus any hilarity or fun. So, it comes as no surprise that Troma had a hand -and probably a foot- in this. The lead-lined "jokes" come fast, leaving big marks on our brains, before thudding through the floor. Yes, the major reason for a "film" such as this to exist is to show scantily-clad and / or naked females. Sadly, the sheer misery caused by this cinematic kidney stone negates any / all nakedness! Perhaps, it helps to realize that when it was made, there was no internet, and hogwash like this was considered "risque' or "naughty". Truthfully, it doesn't really matter, since whale smegma is still cheeeze, regardless of its vintage...

Comedies made by Troma will certainly never win any awards for either sharp wit or exceptional subtlety, but boy are they usually enjoyable and amusing in an admittedly crude and stupid sort of way. This lively and breezy item is a good example of what I'm talking about: Sure, it's extremely dumb and decidedly bereft of any genuine artistic merit, but it still gets plenty of big laughs because it's so giddy, blatant, and unapologetic in its spirited inanity. Directors Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, working from a busy and loopy script by Charles Kaufman and Michael Stone, keep the movie barnstorming along at a constant zippy pace and deliver a nonstop barrage of gloriously moronic jokes with considerable rip-roaring energy (yep, we get the inevitable gags about a fly in the soup and spitting in the soap). The three female leads are charming and attractive: fetching brunette Carol Drake as sweet and determined aspiring actress Andrea, cute blonde Carol Bevar as naive hick chick reporter Jennifer, and the adorable Renata Hickey as feisty teen troublemaker Lindsey. The rest of the cast joyfully overact with tremendous enthusiasm, with especially praiseworthy contributions by Jim Harris as harried diner owner Jerry, Hunt Block as likable medical student Bill, Anthony John Denison as cocky hillbilly stud Moe, Ed Fenton as uptight Broadway producer Mr. Bellerman, and Augie Grompone as crazed drunken Russian chef Piebalt. Since this is a Troma picture, naturally there's a generous sprinkling of tasty female nudity. Lloyd Kaufman's surprisingly polished cinematography boasts plenty of snazzy visuals flourishes. The infectiously bouncy soundtrack likewise hits the get-down groovy spot. A total hoot.

This movie starts out with an aspiring actress by the name of "Andrea Morgan" (Carol Drake) being rejected for a part in a Broadway play and then resuming her normal job as a waitress. The next scenario involves a failed writer named "Jennifer Martin" (Carol Bevar) who is hired by "Mature Teen Magazine" to write an article on how to pick up men. In the process she also works as a waitress at the same place as Andrea. The third scenario has a spoiled rich woman named "Lindsey Cavendish" (Renata Hickey) being thrown out of her father's house and forced to work at the exact same restaurant as both Andrea and Jennifer. Unfortunately for all three of them, this particular restaurant is a terrible place to work and an even worse place to eat. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this film is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. The acting was bad, the script was awful and the comedy was entirely non-existent. It was sheer torture to watch. But don't take my word for it-all it takes is about the first 15 minutes to see for yourself. And it goes downhill from there. Again, it's really, really bad.

This film is so full of sight gags and comedy madness, that it will take multiple viewings to catch them all. The film brilliantly captures the world of New York City restaurants, and the many people working as wait staff workers, trying to break into show business. This film has gratuitous breasts, and farting, enough to cause major laughs. As far as a time capsule, this film has many shots showing "old New York City" which is fun to see. Look for a very young Chris Noth in a tiny bit part. Kaufmann has done it again, delivered a masterpiece on a small budget thus proving the point that anyone can make their own damn movie. ****