The Scorpion with Two Tails

source: The Scorpion with Two Tails

Moviecut—The Scorpion with Two Tails

Elvire Audray is a straight smoke show with maggot hands. A suicide at age 40. John Saxon is a snake charmer with a twisted neck. The twin towers lasted longer. A boring conversation to uncover the murder. A southern bell in Bella Italia. A magical amulet will hopefully curse the boring gum shoe. Yes! Maggot eyes. Fuzzy plastic rats and bats. Cobwebs in the tomb. She's immortal, and daddy's got a coke habit. Turns out the murder was a mundane drug deal gone wrong and not some cool mystical hootenanny. Chick's just nuts. Big shootout. Everybody's dead. Oops, turns out she's a magician after all. Holy Christ, I thought this was over but there's 30 minutes to go.

Horrified by a series of vivid dreams, a woman heads to Italy to look after her husband's excavation of an Etruscan tomb, but when a series of murders strikes those around her she and her friends race to find the truth about the treasure before more are killed by the maniac. There's not a lot to like about this one. Among the few likable factors here come from the setup of the film focusing on the discovery of the tomb and what it means in terms of generating a murder spree to protect its contents. That there's a fantastic setup involving the mystery surrounding the connection between the old community and the series of dreams she has regarding their ceremonies coming to life and tormenting her. Not only is the imagery of the dreams and hallucinations rather impressive with the activity taking place in gloomy, Gothic dungeons and caves filled with ornate monuments and worms covering everything around them but the idea of the mystery about the whole thing being a cover for a drug-smuggling operation makes for some tense scenes inside the underground caves. However, beyond this, there's not much to enjoy here. Most of this is due to the jumbled and incredibly garbled presentation of the film being edited down from a lengthy miniseries adaptation. Originally broadcast in seven one-hour installments, editing this down into a nearly one-hundred-minute feature causes a lot of material to be lost just in general principle but also causes this one to feel somewhat plodding and lethargic even with a lot of excesses trimmed off it. The majority of what's in this version is based on excessively overlong dialogue scenes involving the disappearance of the husband and the notes left behind or the strange behavior of the father concerned about the contents of the tomb which are both included without much purpose for being here. So much of this one has very few explanations for what's going on and it seems to go about these factors as a given that it comes across as jumbled and underwhelming as a result. On top of that, the film also stumbles incredibly hard when it comes to a series of ineffectual and underwhelming series of action and stalking scenes that are somewhat plain and lifeless. The main culprit is due to the generally uninvolved method of killing by having everyone get their necks snapped and turned around to face the other side which is a somewhat lame means of death since there's little that can be done with it and it repeats itself as the main mode of death so often that it's not threatening all that much afterward. Even the lack of proper investigation into the killer comes off weak, and that there's also the lack of action here with a standard yet uninvolved car chase and shootout inside the tomb accounting for the main thrills here all comes off bland as a result. These factors all manage to bring this one down. Rated Unrated/R: Language and Violence.

Also known as Assassinio al Cimitero Etrusco (Murder in the Etruscan Cemetery), this is one of the few Sergio Martino giallo films that I had not seen. It was originally to be an 8 episode TV series called Il Mistero Degli Etruschi (The Mystery of the Etruscans) or Lo Scorpione a Due Code (The Two-Tailed Scorpion) before it was made into a full-length film, which was then cut down again to air as a two-part movie in Italy. Working from a script by Ernesto Gastaldi and Dardano Sacchetti (with screenplay work by Maria Chianetta), Martino tells the story of Joan (Elvire Audray, Ironmaster), who foresees that her husband will die in the Etruscan tombs that they have been exploring. And with that, her husband Arthur dies in just enough time to get John Saxon a special guest star title. Now, she wants to find the killer, working with her friend Mike (Paolo Malco, Escape from the Bronx, The New York Ripper) and going up against her father (Van Johnson), who may not be involved for altruistic reasons. Everyone feels like they're going through the motions here, which is kind of sad. It's a great idea, mashing up ancient rituals and giallo murders. It should work, but it doesn't. Even the Fabio Frizzi score sounds a bit like The Beyond, a much better film.

I've seen the following work from Sergio Martino: All the Colors of the Dark The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh, The Case of the Scorpion's Tail, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key and I've enjoyed them all. All twisted charming pieces of Italian cinema. But Scorpion with Two Tails, is a mess in most regards: Story, dialogue, acting, cinematography, editing, music, you name it is sucks. Fulci also produced 80s garbage like this, but at least they were bearable, they had some atmosphere, something to hold onto. Two Tails has nothing. My vote is to eliminate it from existence. I realized early on that this was garbage, but it had a certain atmosphere, very minimal, then it continued on this track and even got worse. I do not recommend you watch this at all. There is nothing here. There are certain films that are so bad that you can laugh at the crew and cast for the decisions made. This had maybe one or two such scenes. Not enough. I'll recommend that you watch "Laser Mission" by Brandon Lee for the best So Bad It's Great Film. That's a garbage film. However, if you manage to watch it to the end, and are aware of the mess in front of you, you will be rewarded. Two Tails, has nothing going for it. Not even reading the reviews will reward you with any insight. I consider "Suspiria" one of the worst films ever made. however, even in that film, there are moments that are decent, and moments of ridiculous nonsense that you can read about later. And that so many people love Suspiria, it is a study of societies to praise such nonsense. The idea that collectively people can love something that is utter crap, like a cult. When someone says "Believe Me" I think it's time to reconsider. Believe Me? No, I'd want to substantiate your comment. So, I think "Suspira" is a success because people have been told that it is great, so, "Believe Me" it's great. It's not. Dario Argento is a genius in fact because he didn't just make a film, he promoted it, "brainwashed" people thinking his films are "ART", they're not. His Crystal Plumage film, and "Four Flies" are pure trash. And most of what Bava has produced. Bava's best work was "Black Sabbath". Sergio Martino work was miles ahead of what Argento or Bava produced in the early days. Miles! Unfortunately, with Two Tails, he has a film that is below what Argento or Bava has produced. It's not worth watching, reading reviews, thinking about, nothing. It should be erased. Then, I can go back to hating Argento and Bava again. I will now pretend that Twin Tails does not exist!

The true strength is its unpredictability. There's like three different plots all woven together (and not particularly well). Some of the locations and coloring/lighting is quite good. It's a pretty film to look at. The acting is not particularly good. That being said, I've seen much worse before. Although there are a number of genres mixed in here, the overarching genre is giallo/slasher. What it's really missing is the graphic violence and sexuality that so often punctuate giallo and slasher films. There's no payoff. The ending gimmick was really bad.

There is a little game that some 007 fans play as they watch "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," the first James Bond film to not star Sean Connery: They imagine how much better the film would have been had it featured Connery instead of (the sorely underrated) George Lazenby. Well, this viewer could not refrain from playing a similar game while watching (director) Sergio and (producer) Luciano Martinos' 1982 offering, "Scorpion With Two Tails." Here, though, I couldn't stop thinking how much better this picture would have been had it starred the Martino Bros.' erstwhile muse, Eurobabe sexbomb Edwige Fenech, rather than the blond vacuity that is Elvire Audray. Audray, a gorgeous actress in the Nicole Kidman mold, simply does not have the spark and thespian chops that Edwige might have brought to the role, but even if Edwige had been substituted here, I'm not sure that the resultant film would have been any more lucid. In "Scorpion," Elvire goes to Italy to seek clues after her archaeologist husband (John Saxon, wasted in a small role) is killed, despite the objections of her father (Van Johnson, of all people). Screenwriter Ernesto Gastaldi (who seems to have written half the gialli I've ever seen) must have had some kind of psychoactive substance slipped into his Chianti before penning the story for this one, as this overly plotted picture conflates giallo-type murders, drug smuggling, Etruscan history, the supernatural, reincarnation, and discussions of antimatter and antiuniverses into one mind-boggling stew. Such grossouts as maggots (and lots of 'em), neck twistings, rats and bats are thrown in to keep the viewer stunned and amused. To be honest, I must say that I could never tell just where this darn thing was headed next, especially after the entire cast seems to buy the farm roughly around the film's midpoint. The picture looks handsome enough and also features an effective score by Fabio Frizzi. Still, I have watched this thing twice now and am still confused regarding several plot points. For example, can anyone tell me just what happened to all that darn heroin? In all, an entertaining if muddled pot of stufato....

He may not be quite as well known among casual fans of Italian genre films as the names Bava or Argento, but Sergio Martino is responsible for some of the absolute best Gialli ever made. His earlier, frequent collaborations with Edwige Fenech are almost legendary and produced some of the best films this genre has to offer. Movies like The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, All the Colors of the Dark, and Your Vice is a Locked Door and Only I Have the Key are all among my favorites. Unfortunately, Scorpion with Two Tails does not come close to measuring up to Martino's previous successes. There are any number of problems I had with the film, but chief among them is that it's about as dull as any Giallo I can remember seeing. A plot involving an Etruscan Cemetery, a missing shipment of heroin, bad guys trying to find both, and a beautiful young woman with visions of Etruscan ceremonies – it just never drew me in the way Martino's other films have. Also, I never really cared for any of the characters. Elvire Audray plays the role usually played by Edwige Fenech in one of Martino's movies (she almost resembles a blond Edwige). But to be blunt, Elvire Audray is no Edwige Fenech. She has none of Edwige's screen presence or charisma. Genre legend John Saxon is on hand, but his role is so small that it really added nothing to the film. Saxon was most likely hired to put a "name" on the cast list. And when the killer was revealed, it had no effect on me at all. I didn't care enough about any of the characters to even care who the killer was. Also, I'm not a big fan of supernatural elements being thrown into a Giallo. These movies should be all about black gloved killers, stalking their human prey for greed, money, or jealousy. The risen spirit of an ancient Etruscan just doesn't feel right. As much as I hate to give a Martino Giallo such a low rating, I don't have a choice in this case. Scorpioin with Two Tails really doesn't deserve much more than a 3/10.

I haven't seen a movie this downright horrible in a long time. Even movies that most people consider to be bottom of the barrel often have some, perhaps unintended, viewing value. The Scorpion with Two Tails is not such a film. Apparently, this film may have been intended as a giallo, and if handled properly, it could have been one. But instead, all we get is a totally wasted extended cameo of John Saxon, and an over abundance of the lead "actress" Elvire Audray. She gives new meaning to the term Casting Couch. Each scene where she encounters a dead body involves her seeing the corpse, screaming, then we immediately cut to another scene where she's no longer anywhere around the crime scene and she's totally fine. The hokey plot involves Audray's husband, Saxon, looking over some Etruscan tombs. Audray's father wants the crates of artifacts sent to him, but there are drugs in one of the crates, so you have a drug deal gone bad and characters wandering around without much to do except look at each other and some bad sculptures. Oh, and let's not forget the large quantities of maggots. Apparently, the director thinks that repeated close-ups of maggots constitutes a horror film. Anyway, Audray moves from man to man in this movie, trying to find the answer to the Etruscan riddles that may or may not include her as a re-incarnation of some whatever or something. There is no gore, only a few gunshot wounds poorly staged and way too many broken necks, as if breaking someone's neck is an easy thing to do for some average jerk who's into archaeology. There is nothing redeeming about this film, and I advise you to avoid it all the peril of your life because you will be bored to death.