The Loch Ness Horror

What to say, this one is really bad. The pacing is very slow and not by artistic design to build tension. The monster is pretty good. The logic of those on board is pathetic. I think they bumped off the characters quickly to lighten the budget. The monster is supposedly the Loch Ness monster. Loch being Scott's for lake, yet the story does not happen in the lake. It is odd that the dialogue is not recorded well, so many conversations are hard to get the meaning. Note to self, just because the advertising graphic looks slick and intriguing does not mean the movie is any good. Plenty of other suspenseful movies go rewatch a good one, way better use if time that watching this one.

If you put on a film called Loch Ness Horror thinking you were in for a spine tingling generational treat for the ages about the Loch Ness then your in for serious disappointment. If you can hear the actors voices over the persistant background music or none visual rain storm you'll be left with trying to understand slurred cockney and russian accents. Be excited for the use of blue paper towels from the medi kit as the go to solution for Loch Ness alien poison spit. And holding down a dying man on his back as he choked on his own mouth froth. A true inspiration for any budding writers out there, that even the poorest of productions can get made.

The movie doesn't take place in or around Loch Ness. It takes place in the North Atlantic somewhere. There is a distinct lack of terror or anything at all happening for much of the movie. The monster shows up now and then to eat someone. The acting is really quite bad even for a low budget horror movie. Almost the entire movie takes place on what I think is a cargo ship of some sort. It looks like a very old ship that was turned into a museum. They make sure you never see the side of the ship so it's probably at dock somewhere. There's also a very cheap submarine set. Asylum-grade monster movies love a cheap submarine set. I guess the CGI for the monster isn't terrible for the little screen time it gets. The movie also come with a small side of Alien for some reason. This is just not very good. I have seen worse but this is just very mediocre and kind of boring for most of it.

A submarine goes down after and attack by something, a rescue mission is sent out. They do not know that the Loch Ness horror is out there. Etc.. Cue, bad CGI. The fun part of that was there were 2 people on the sub, 2 and it was not a mini sub. Then the woman is using a periscope underwater to look for a monster. Periscopes are looking above the surface. The rescue mission is sent out 8 people in a large ship. At no time do you see any crew running it, steering it on anything. It looks like they rented a boat for the weekend filmed all of the scenes. Then spent another couple of days on the CGI. Then in post production they put it altogether. The movie is boring and makes no sense. Anyone who gives this movie 10 out of 10 probably worked on it.

You can tell straight away that a film like this one is going to suck somewhat. Still, I went to watch this to see if I'd enjoy it & that it "might" & I use that word strongly, might enjoy it... A group are sent to discover what happened to a recent lost ship. Only to discover the horror that awaits them lurking below. I found the film to be pretty bland. The story is bland, the characters are bland & the effects are pretty naff. The story wasn't interesting & lacked that meatiness to keep you engaged. You just didn't care at all what happened or how it happened. The story was just flat & uninspiring. The effects were cheap looking & obviously fake. The gore effects weren't bad, but still just as bad as the former. The narration of the plot made no sense at all & felt rushed & hammy. Even if the effects were great, the story & plot, not to mention the characters were boring. There was a bit of eye candy to be had, but nothing much else aside from the bit of gore we got. The films runtime is 1 hour & 13 minutes, but the pacing is sluggish making it feel longer. The lacking in a body count, never mind creative deaths was also the insult to injury. Overall, it's a bland, cheap Horror flick. Don't expect much from this. Give it a watch if you're looking for something to kill time with. This is short, so it'll be ironically enough perfect. 2/10.

Think "Alien-meets-Leviathan-meets-Coyote/Roadrunner". In this cartoon of a movie, a nefarious UK organization sends an unlikely team to investigate loss of mini-sub off Scotland. We know from the intro it was tracking a "monster" out of Loch Ness into the North Sea. Attacked. Arrrghhh! Frantic radio transmissions. All dead. A ridiculous team of 20-somethings joins a team of the Org's thugs on a search mission for the lost sub. They go to sea in what seems an endless overnight thunderstorm. On site, one young gal "the team dive expert" descends in a shark cage, no less, (a la Jaws) naively searching for wreckage -- while a dunce on the thug team in an armed mini-sub dives. Unbeknownst to her, to ride shotgun. It goes bad. Scary sea serpent appears... Munch! Goodbye girlie. Then the Sea Serpent attacks the mother ship. YIKES! They all see it. Head thug gets spat on with goo. On death's door in the Sick Bay, the ditzy medical specialist gal attempts aid - with him constantly spewing foam and goo, yet she doesn't even put him into the recovery position. Her back turned, SURPRISE, a spidery monster bursts out of his body (a la Alien) and skitters around the ship (a la Alien). Remaining crew learn of the creature, get killed one by one, and the remaining "love Interest" 20-somethings head back to port, as the goof in the mini-sub does a kamikaze run into the mouth of the monster. BOOM. The End. RIDICULOUS STORY!!! Sucks in premise, plot, and characterization. Fair acting, though. What is GREAT about this movie, however, is its production. FIVE STARS! The team goes to sea in a hearty naval ship, apparently able to be managed by a crew of seven. It is seen to be HMS Cavalier, an RN destroyer commissioned in 1944, end of service 1972, and made an alongside museum in 2007 in Chatham. Amazingly, mainly night/stormy exterior scenes were done aboard Cavalier -- as, it seems, were many below deck scenes. Took me back to my own days serving aboard Cold War-era steam-powered destroyers. Mess decks and engineering spaces, all correct, Bristol fashion, right down to the red leathette mess seat cushions, door and hatch markings, and checkerboard below-deck tiles. The ship's control room scenes clearly were filmed aboard a museum submarine, with the "search ship" being operated by one man at sub-type controls. As well, several of the below-deck scenes showed the rounded pressure-vessel bulkheads of a submarine. Possibly Oberon class... Several on musem display. This is what made the movie. A believeable set in its nautical scenes. A ludicrous story, sure. One-dimensional cartoon characters, of course. An meh acting? Sometimes it was good. But GREAT production! Thanks for that.

I don't think I can stress enough how bad this film is, the acting is bad, the script is bad, the direction is bad, the sets are bad, the effects are bad, the plot is bad. So much of this film just doesn't make sense. I watched this on Prime video, the picture showed 4 star reviews from a site called 'Creature Feature', not only can I not find this online the quote suggests "Shades of THE MEG, ALIEN and GODZILLA"... WHERE??? The Meg because it's set at sea, maybe, alien because after the monster spits something on one of the characters some kind of bug explodes from his chest and Godzilla because, why not. At one point one of the actors tries to act with just his facial expressions, he does not succeed. I couldn't work out if he was confused, befuddled, contemplative or just trying to hold in a massive fart. DO. NOT. WATCH.

Absolute tripe, complete rubbish. One of the worst films I've ever had the displeasure of watching. I hated the plot, the acting, the characters, the special effects, the poorly lit environments and sets and absolutely dreadful cinematography. The bulk of the film, basically nothing happens. When the Loch Ness Monster does appear it is poorly designed and basically just shakes the ship/submarine with minimal horror or fun action, I can't stress enough how awful this film is and should never have ever been made. 1/10: Cheesy, uninteresting, silly, cheap and an insult to quality low budget filmmakers everywhere.

I guess Uncorked will add their name to anything now, even SYFY Saturday afternoon trash. Everything about this dumpster fire needs to burned along with the plot, the script, the main actress performance, the editing at 53:55 to 54:04, the thunderstorms with rain you can hear but nothing is wet, the medical bag with only dry wipes, i can go on, but you get the idea. Question: how did one person get infected, but no one else did, even after they touched the goo, got blood on their skin, even the parasite drop slime on someone's face? Not to sound misogynistic, but only the male actors did a half decent job which wasn't much. The CGI was pretty good which was the only positive aspect I could find while suffering 1:18:21, I can't get back.

If I could, I would give this spectacular piece of theatrical artwork more than 10 stars. The way the cgi is just absolutely breathtaking. You couldn't even tell that it was cgi! Don't even get me started on this phenomenal acting! This was the best comedy movie I've seen in all of my 20 years of existence and watching movies. I was in tears from laughing so hard and so much! I'll admit, there were a few parts where I couldn't understand what the actors were trying to say. But thank goodness for captions! I hope this review encourages others to experience this one in a blue moon, banger of a movie.