The Five-Year Engagement

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source: The Five-Year Engagement

While the movie started strong and quickly reached the first set of wedding delays, once the characters moved to Michigan, things bogged down quickly. Without spoiling the movie, the antics in the Wolverine State were more like bad SNL skits than part of this movie. The characters, both primary and secondary, were very likable and were also very well developed. Some of the fringe characters (I talking to you, Dakota!) tended to be overly done and one-note. They could have been scaled back to fit their place in the movie thus adding to rather than subtracting from the story. (Math in a movie review? Who would have guessed?) Tom's job hunt problems seemed to be oriented toward setting up jokes than based in reality. A man with his background would have landed a position in Ann Arbor in a New York minute. However, Violet's drama was much better written and more believable. Once back in San Francisco, everything picked up again and you began rooting for the home team to finally make it to the goal line. So go enjoy the beginning and end but be ready to take a 30-minute nap in the middle. Maybe the Director's Cut with actually cut out the boring parts. One can hope.

First I promise to take my wife to a chick flick. The Five Year Engagement looks OK to her. The actors could act. The title should be "The movie that is really takes 5 years to watch." Why? Because that is how much time you feel like you have spent in the movie theater. No real new plot, not much laughter in the entire theater and just a plain story of one couple. Where have all the funny chick flicks gone? SHE ASKED ME to leave the theater after about 3 years in there. I come out and the seasons have changed... Suggestions: Find better writers. Actors were OK. What about a better plot? Why all the need for foul language? It should be funny enough with out all the crappy language? In about every scene they are boozing it up and does nothing for the plot at all. Try better comic writers for the slapstick gags too. Remember, the guys that come to chick flicks need a little comic relief, and this movie failed on all accounts. When we went back in, it hadn't changed. So off to dinner for us. Sorry I'm so direct,but it ruined my evening and my wife's. I should have asked for my money back, but we were just too upset that we wasted an evening for this loser of a movie.

Wife and I watched this movie with high expectations because of Jason Segeland his previous work. 124 minutes later neither one of us had cracked so much as smile, she was utterly offended while I was less so as I've come to expect this dreck from the formulaic romantic "comedies" that are marketed towards women. Unique only in the level of outright disdain that Hollywood holds for men that is on exhibit here, it is so thick it practically drips off the screen. Every male character, and I mean EVERY one, is a caricature of one type or another of men as slacked jawed, mouth breathing imbeciles who might likely forget to breath or constantly soil themselves were it not for the highly intelligent, wise beyond their years, always sexy and dynamic no matter what women whose lives are limited because of them. Spoilers Begin HERE: Pretty standard fare now from Hollywood in which the never ending indignation heaped upon one particularly dim-witted male by his manipulative but clearly superior romantic interest is somehow intended to somehow be funny. In this version one particular clod, played by Jason Segel, is made to look like the bad guy once again because despite his best groveling, boot licking and subservience to his fiancé, up to and including giving up his promising career in San Francisco and putting his entire life and their plans on hold in order to follow her like a love sick puppy to Michigan so she can pursue her post graduate work - the underlying implication that everyone knows academia is so much more inherently worthy than any other career one might choose its a given he would do this strikes one like a sledgehammer - he has the unmitigated gall to react badly when she oh so nobly reveals her recent indiscretion to him with her department head and mentor. Shame on him and how dare he try to shackle her sexuality or some similar clap trap they like to spout in LA these days. The course of this film is so utterly predictable that no sooner had Rhys Ifans' character been introduced my wife declared "oh well I guess we know who she's hooking up with already." Not to worry though despite having shattered Segel's life in multiple ways and after having spent several sleeping her way into a highly coveted job but not realizing it because she's so innocent and clearly entitled to the job Emily Blunt has "earned" she will ultimately rescue Jason from the clutches of a 23 year old bombshell and their empty, obviously meaningless relationship. But hey, that is after all how how real life works and we all know that every man is just waiting to have the constant affection and physical attention of a younger beautiful woman replaced by the stiletto heal, lash and leash held by the hand of the much less attractive but clearly more introspective and deep academic. *pfffth* I'm sorry but I'm laughing as I type this. Not because anything in the film but because I do realize this is how Hollywood view the world. Of course their reunion won't come because she realizes she made the mistake and did her ex-wrong, of course not she perfect so that's not possible. No it only happens after her mentor is revealed to be just another sex crazed power hungry male who ends up telling her she's easily replaced by the next class of groupies and Jason Realizes how badly he needs the presence of his former emotional dominatrix in his life in order to be complete and runs of to purse her. I'm probably repeating myself having commented on other equally appalling, anti-male films of the "romantic comedy" genre, but if you laugh at any point in this movie or found it the least be redeeming, you should probably seek our professional help to get to the bottom of your deep seated hostility toward men.

This picture is being sold as a comedy...however it is more like a drama with some comedic elements...and those few comedic moments aren't really that funny. The movie examines with a cynical eye a relationship that the director wants to present as a real loving one. However, anyone in the audience can see that this relationship has problems. The female lead is an annoying selfish character while the male character is wimpy and feels sorry for himself. The movie is extremely self indulgent...it was written by the director and by the star. I don't think they wanted to leave any scenes out. The movie meanders for over two hours. It could have easily been a 90 minute film.