The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

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source: The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

Not only did they make up even more lies for the movie to go along with the Warrens lies, but it didn't even mesh. It was so boring and pointless. I didn't know Wan didn't direct it when I started, and within 15 mins, I said to my friend there is no way Wan would put his name on this junk. Do not waste time on this. Just watch the first one again.

I try to avoid trailers for movies but the 'The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It' trailer came on before a couple of movies I went to in the cinema and I was forced to see it. I could tell even just from the trailer than James Wan's absence was going to be noticeable and significant. I hoped I was wrong - but I wasn't. To be fair I think that this story wasn't strong enough for him to touch anyway. The story here felt really forced. What would've been interesting was to focus on the court case and how the defense of "Demonic Possession" would have held up. That's the movie I would've liked to see, however I understand that wouldn't have fit in with the horror genre the fans come to associate with 'The Conjuring' universe. All of the horror in this movie was ridiculous though. All the subtlety the original film had is completely gone. The movie felt incredibly safe too. The film attained an R rating, however it could easily have scraped in at PG-13. What the 'Conjuring' universe has become in my mind is introduction horror for teenagers. Not once during this film did my heart-rate rise. The only thing that keeps the film afloat is the characters of Ed and Lorraine Warren, and more importantly their charismatic performances by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. Sadly though I wish I could've saved my $20.00 spent seeing this in the cinema and just have watched it on HBO Max tomorrow. A big let down.

It is truly god awful. Bad directing, bad writing, bad editing and utterly incoherent. I knew I was in for a tough trip when an they recreate the iconic Exorcist poster art for some reason and then proceed to berate you with the loudest exorcism ever. It's what you would imagine a low-effort, early 00s edgy remake of The Exorcist would play out. The Conjuring: Way Too Long of a Subtitle isn't just the weakest Conjuring, but it is not even in the same ballpark as the first Annabelle, let along the actual Conjuring movies. The only entry I can say, with confidence, is worse is The Nun. Even the Conjurverse's bread and butter, jump scares, all fall completely flat and you will see them coming miles away. Annabelle lived and died by jump scares, but at least all of those landed effectively. I always thought the Conjurverse was a mixed bag, but I never thought the second worst of the entire shared universe would end up being a mainline entry. I'm not even trying to be a contrarian. I was all for a lesser-but-fun sequel, giving a new director a chance to flex his skills. This was worse than La Llorona. At least that mess had a sufficient scary spirit/entity. This has none of that. This has no real demon or supernatural entity. It's just SOME LADY trying to piss off her dad. Even the lovable Warrens only marginally improve this movie, and poor Patrick and Vera look insanely bored. The Warren characters will derp around on 3 different investigations that barely connect while having more pressing issues. The characters have no development. You will not care or even fully be aware of what's happening. It'a just a lot of loud nonsense that legitimizes ridiculous legal defenses like demonic possession. No, a real person was murdered. The whole thing is a technically and morally bankrupt garbage fire. If you must watch, do it on HBOmax and then watch something that isn't terrible immediately after. Don't go to a theater to see it, even if you're over the pandemic scare. Watch it in your living room so you don't disturb the other patrons when you laugh at the horrific writing, dialogue and complete lack of sense for the 50th time.

Super predictable jump scares, not nearly as scary as the other movies, it's so easy to tell when something scary is about to happen but when it does it's not even really scary. But I will say the acting is great and the story is told pretty well, this however has to be one of the most embellished of the movies yet. It's honestly more of an action thriller than a horror movie.

Everyone who's complaining that they're too much story and not enough scares, are you kidding? Story and character is the reason why we care about the stakes-that's where drama, tension and horror comes from. If it was all jump scares and lacking in story (the movie Winchester comes to mind), I guarantee y'all would've been even more disappointed. But if that's your thing, you'll probably be just as entertained by a jack in the box. While remaining faithful to the Conjuring universe, I appreciated that this third movie explored new territory so it wasn't just a repeat. It is a quality addition to the series with good production value, and much more thoughtfully-written than the spin offs. It's a win for what it is considering the impossible task the writer and the director had of pleasing all these harsh fans who couldn't even tell you what they liked about the first two conjuring movies other than "it was scary."