The Calcium Kid

I had heard a little about this film when it was in cinemas, it was a sort of star vehicle for the rising star of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but it was loathed by the critics. Basically this is a Mockumentary focusing on the rise to fame for English milkman turned boxer Jimmy Connelly (Orlando Bloom). He "accidently" knocks down the champion of the boxing club being a stand-in partner, this champion was due to face American boxing world champion Jose Mendez (Crash's Michael Peña). So sleazy boxing manager Herbie Bush (Omid Djalili) decides to pit this unknown milkman against the champ, and in preparation he starts training with Irish coach Paddy O'Flannagan (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's David Kelly). Jimmy, or 'The Calcium Kid', just goes along with everything crook-like Bush wants, and there is obviously when everything goes low, but the big fight does come around, and I can't be bothered to remember the result. Also starring Kidulthood's Rafe Spall (Timothy's son) as Stan Parlour, Tamer Hassan as Pete Wright, Godzilla's Michael Lerner as Artie Cohen, Ronni Ancona as Pat Connelly, Billie Piper as Angel, Green Wing's Mark Heap as Sebastian Gore-Brown, Peter Serafinowicz as Dave King, Frank Bruno and Chris Eubank. Think of it as the British equivalent of Rocky, the only difference being that this film bores you to death, you don't care about the lead character or supporting, there are no good jokes, and it is predictable and uninteresting story. It is one of the most boring films I have ever seen, even though I stuck with it, it is still one of those films I wish I'd turned off, and a true failure of a sports comedy. Poor!

This little gem of a movie is quite a rare find; if you come across it then you should definitely go the full ten rounds and give it your best shot. Set in modern day London and starring a very young and fresh faced Orlando Bloom no less. Derek Boyle, Alex De Rakoff, who also directed, and Raymond Friel have written the screenplay. They have done an excellent job of giving every character in this movie its own identity, practically the role's of the dodgy boxing promoter Herbie Bush, what a fantastic name, played by "The Mummies" Omid Djalili. Then there is the very talented and extremely funny David Kelly, who plays Jimmy's always drunk, too old and talent less boxing coach who was found in the pub five minute's before he meet's Jimmy. There is also Jimmy's yet to be girlfriend Angel, played by a young Billie Piper. Jimmy's main ambition in life is to become the regional manager of the milk delivery firm he work's for, but these plan's don't come about due to a very unexpected accident at the Boxing Club he hang's out at. This is where is troubles begin, as Jimmy has drunk a bottle of milk every day all his life it has turned his bone's as hard as steel, so when sparring with the British World Title contender, he then hit's Jimmy's head, thus breaking his wrist week's before the important bout. In the meantime, there is a fly on the wall film crew following their every move, Jimmy has a stalker lady friend who he just cannot get rid off and then the local skinhead's get involved by mistaking him for a fascist. His father is in prison for A.B.H. and his mum is a sex therapist that works from home, and to top it all off he has to fight the World Champion, an American, as a stand in for the damaged British contender. This really is a very funny movie, well written and very well acted and to see the future star's of tomorrow young and fresh makes this movie quite a novelty. My best advice for this movie is don't throw the towel in until you have had at least one round in the ring with this great rarity.

After playing several supporting roles in big blockbuster movies (or rather cameos, as in the Lord of the Rings movies), this was Orlando Bloom's first starring role (in a low budget movie) as well as his first "funny" part (except for those which where unintentionally funny, i.e. "Ned Kelly"), and from what I've read, I expected a cute little movie. You cannot imagine my disappointment! Bloom's acting was just as wooden as always, but this time he had to carry the entire movie. "The Calcium Kid" is a comedy without *any* funny scenes or lines, it's badly written, and fine supporting actors and actresses try their best to save the sinking ship. The direction was practically non-existent; maybe many mistakes wouldn't have happened if the director had a wee bit more experience?

First off I must start by saying that I am sick of reading film reviews written by pretentious magazine reviewers. They slagged this film off royally and for no good reason. It seems now in the UK that unless you produce an arty film or one that was filmed in darkest Peru using only a £20 digital camera the film writers will hate it. Why do we let people who don't like mainstream movies review main stream movies? Anyway rant over. This movie is one of the sweetest films ever made and I mean sweet in both the original and the 'Saff London' sense. Orlando Bloom plays the lead role really well, you can't help but like him and hope that Hose Mendes doesn't kill him in round one. The plot is simple but the comedy is well written with a few excellent lines from Omid Djalili, David Kelly, Rafe Spall and a brilliant cameo from Frank Harper. Billie Piper still needs to improve as an actress (which she has done recently as shown by her TV roles) but she is gorgeous and it is completely believable that Jimmy (Orlando) would stop what he was doing and just stare every time he sees her. The Calcium Kid is not the next great British movie but you do come out of the cinema feeling good, having enjoyed the last 2 hours of your life rather than feeling like you have been robbed of the £6 you paid for the ticket (Gothika, 21 Grams etc). A quote from South Parks Eric Cartman sums it up best . . . "Sweet!" and thats my 2 cents

This film is about a milkman being chosen to stand in in the world championship boxing fight. The dialogs are bad. The acting is so over the top. In every single scene, things are done in such an exaggerated way that it becomes unbelievable. The plot is ridiculous that only a kid would find it interesting. The jokes are not even funny. The only entertaining scene in the film is the performance of a hip hop version of the British national anthem, which is actually rather good. It goes down as an embarrassment to Orlando Bloom's portfolio. This film is so ridiculous that it is no wonder that it is not surprise that it went straight to DVD in most countries.

No wonder this movie never got a world wide release. It's a simple made little movie that tries to be original in several different ways but fails at it in about every way possible. This movie is supposed to be a fake documentary, a so called mockumentary, that focuses on the build up to a title-boxing match, set in London, between the champion Jose Mendez (Michael Pena) and the underdog and milkman Jimmy 'The Calcium Kid' Connelly. It makes you wonder that if this is supposed to be a fake documentary, than why isn't it made in documentary style. It uses movie camera positions, lighting and editing, complete with cuts and different positions and a chronological scene build up. Basically the only way they tried to make it look a bit like a documentary, is by adding a 'camera' voice-over and they let the camera being attacked and talked into a couple of times. It's really lame and it certainly doesn't add to the credibility or realism of the movie. The movie as a whole is hard to take serious since it goes comically so over-the-top that it isn't even good as a funny one. The humor is lame and simple, the sort of stuff a 9-year would normally come up with. The movie is made in 'new-English style'. The kind of style which Guy Ritchie first began to use in his movies. Fast editing, fast pace, a cool style and music, over-the-top character and lots of humor. This is probably the only reason why this movie still remains a perfectly watchable one. It however does not always work out perfect. The characters for instance are all far from likable and/or comical. The humor itself on its own is also quite simple and awkward. This movie is far from funny or clever. The movie is filled with surprising many good and well known actors, for such a small movie as this one. The material and dialog they have to work with however isn't world class and the barely manage to make certain sequences and situations to still work out. Most of the actors also feel out of place. Orlando Bloom certainly isn't in his element as normal and simple everyday person. He just isn't the greatest comical talent around, which shows in this movie. Reading the premise of this movie, a inexperienced underdog against the boxing champion, one could immediately scream; "Rocky" ripoff! It certainly is true that this movie is far from original and the fact that the movie literally also spoofs some moments and entire sequences, completely with the same music, from the Rocky movies doesn't help to make this movie an original one that you can take serious as a boxing movie, not even as a comical meant to be one. In the end the movie still tries to take a surprising and non-formulaic twist but the twist is far from good, interesting or funny for that mater. As a matter of fact it gives the movie a bad aftertaste. A failed movie on many accounts. Still somewhat watchable thanks to its style. 5/10 http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/

This is a sweet and charming comedy about the milk delivery man Jimmy Connally (played wonderfully by Orlando Bloom) who gets the chance to fight against the undefeated world championship holder Jose Mendez in a boxing ring in London. I must admit I didn't have much hopes for the film, I like British comedies but the story seemed uninteresting to me, as I had only read a few (bad) summaries on the Net. I came across the trailer, and suddenly the film seemed exciting, and because I'm such a sucker for Orlando's pretty face, I got the film and I fell for it almost immediately! This is without a doubt one of Orlando Bloom's better films. Comparing it to his other films, let's say Troy...Troy might have been a major Hollywood movie, with a famous cast, expensive sets and a huge budget, but as Hollywood destroyed the story, I suspect everyone got disappointed by it. Calcium Kid has no flashy film sets, no huge Hollywood Superstar names lining up on the posters, and not an especially big budget, but it only proves that everything mentioned above isn't needed to kick Hollywood's ass. :) The cast of this film is great (with the exception of Billie Piper, who destroys every scene she's in), Orlando may be the big name, but the other actors shouldn't go unnoticed. Omid Djalili and David Kelly, especially, are doing terrific jobs!! It's a wonderful film that makes you want to see it over and over again. Don't forget to check out the Deleted Scenes on the DVD!!!

I was disappointed by this film. Consindering that it was from 2003 I don't understand why a star like bloom would ever agree to such a script. Maybe it was the directors fault but I really didn't like the acting, and I've seen what bloom can do "kingdom of heaven" and this was nothing. The story was lacking, the acting not very convincing and I really did not feel for this film. Bought it, and probably wont see it again unless I got serious hangovers and already have seen all the good stuff. Orlando was very childes and the performance didn't look whole hearted. Some of the supporting acting was okay.

I first saw 'The Calcium Kid' at the end of 2004, and have since bought the DVD. This movie is very underrated, with great performances from a mostly-unknown-outside-of-the-United-Kingom (at the time) cast. The film begins a week before a much-anticipated title fight between World Champion Jose Mendez (Michael Pena-Crash) of the United States and the undefeated British challenger Pete Wright (Tamer Hassan-The Football Factory). Wright is injured while sparring with Jimmy Connolly (Orlando Bloom), a milkman who is yet to have his first fight. Fearful of losing his chance at fame, Wright's manager Herbie Bush (Omid Djalili) replaces Wright with Connolly without telling Mendez or his take-no-prisoners manager, Artie Cohen (Michael Lerner-Barton Fink). The fight gains huge amounts of publicity due to the unusual nature of it, and the days preceding the fight send Connolly spiraling from underdog hopeful to fascist and everywhere in between. Orlando Bloom is great in his performance as Jimmy Connolly. I think it is his best yet, in fact. As the leading man, he shows his skills at comedy, and is free from being overshadowed by the ensemble cast of Lord Of The Rings and Pirates Of The Caribbean. His reactions to the situations he finds himself in over the days before the big fight are priceless and pulled off realistically. Bloom, acting outside his normal period piece roles, proves that he can pull off many a different role. Tamer Hassan is also great as the disgruntled Pete Wright. Despite his attempts to publicly humiliate Connolly and Bush, you really feel for his situation. Having the chance of a lifetime taken from you by a milkman is enough to set anybody off, and Hassan does the role justice in a hilarious way. The Calcium Kid features great performances all around, such as those I've already mentioned, as well as Michael Pena, Michael Lerner and Omid Djalili. Look for supporting roles by Rafe Spall and Billie Piper as well. Lastly, something must be said of first time writer/director Alex De Rakoff. The script is hilarious, and the mockumentary-style directing are spot-on. I only hope this is the first of many for De Rakoff. To conclude, The Calcium Kid is one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time. Not only that, but Bloom's performance really makes you want to see his character pull off the upset of a lifetime. See this film; you will not be disappointed.

The Calcium kid is about as bad as they get. The script is full of holes and aside from simply not making much sense, tends to do that thing where in order for plot twists to work everyone would have to be a complete idiot. The jokes, if that is what they were meant to be, are like beached dead jelly fish - lifeless and limp. The characters are annoying enough that you'll be reaching for the remote to fast forward through various scenes - once the originality of their British accents loses its appeal. The writer obviously equated - greedy, annoying == funny. Which, it doesn't. There is a reason why you didn't see this one at the movies.