Tales That Witness Madness

Tales That Witness Madness (1973) ** (out of 4) In a futuristic asylum, Dr. Tremayne (Donald Pleasence) is talking to another doctor (Jack Hawkins) about four of his most troubled patients. As they're each introduced we hear their story of how they went mad. Up first we have a young boy who has an imaginary friend who just happens to be a tiger but his mother doesn't believe him. Up next is a man who owns an antique shop and goes back in time due to a penny-farthing bike. The third story involves a man who finds a human-shaped tree and brings it home, which doesn't sit well with his wife. The final story involves a man who needs a human sacrifice to protect the soul of his mother. TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS was directed by Freddie Francis and was just one of many anthology tales that were released during this era. While none of the four stories are awful, it's quite clear that none of them are very good either. The biggest problem is that all four stories just never reach a very interesting level and the majority of the time you're just sitting there not really caring what's going on. With that said, each story usually has at least one or two good parts no matter how bland the rest is. The fourth story is probably the weakest but there's a murder sequence that is quite brutal. The third story is laughable but there's a tree attack sequence that really seems to have been lifted by THE EVIL DEAD years later. The film does feature a pretty good cast, including Joan Collins but in the end not even they can save the material. There's no question that this was trying to get in on the TALES FROM THE CRYPT craze but it's too bad that the screenplay lets everyone down.

Okay, I saw this when I was a youngster, late Seventies, it wasn't new then, already an old movie, shown as a midnight show. But it isn't midnight show material at all, not that I remember having any thoughts about that fact, no Sir, I was much too taken with Mary Tamm's long, shapely legs, thank you. Not that I knew the actress by name then, it was just, wow, that implied-nudity scene with the girl stepping out of her dress, barefoot, the calves... But decades later I needed a refresher course, I remembered the title, that it was actually a bummer notable mostly for the ridiculousness of a man falling in love with a demonic obviously if perversely feminine tree om which somebody carved out apparently 73W but actually it's an upside-down MEL. Much to my surprise, doing the research, downloading that bit, turns out it's ol' Alexis Lady DYNASTY herself back in her heyday (and look at those legs! red-painted toenails even! I'd never have thought... witchy Alexis you glamour doll! ) getting territorial with a tree and coming in a poor second. Anyway, recently saw Suzy Kendall in an episode of THE PERSUADERS!, "The Man In The Middle" and I just had to see more of that lovely, lovely girl, and when I found out on Wikipedia she was in TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS I decided to go for seeing this old title on DVD, even though I had no recollection of her, bad sign. Was I disappointed. Was I! Small part, and she isn't nearly as great as in that episode where she was agent Kay Hunter, dream-girl deluxe. Two years later, still beautiful, but the gloss is gone, :( oh bummer. That's life. Oh for crying out loud take that tiger bit and you know what you can do with it---! Ditto for the two watchers. The Penny Farthing bit is blandly executed, of interest only because it is Suzy Kendall after all, even if a poor excuse of her abilities. The Joan Collins bit is kind of a classic. Sort of a Collector's Item in the true sense of the term, though I prefer my prize golden moments more glamorous, me being that RavenGlamDVDCollector guy with an eye for the chicks, but okay, DYNASTY fans won't believe Joan was ever in such dreck. Kinda hilariously good dreck but dreck none the less. As for the cannibalistic Luau bit, with that creepy old troll guy, I needn't explain my fascination with that one. Mary Tamm (who I hear is with us no more) was beautiful. Do I wanna see the butchery bits? Of bloody course not. Mary Tamm should have been in a decent movie, like Raquel Welch's FATHOM, if you catch my drift. :) Not this cut-up in a suitcase mess. Yuck! Anyway that meat looked yummy. I'm just saying. As for the bit on Wikipedia stating the opinion that Kim Novak gave the only weak performance, I think it's based on the first sight of the character, who appears shell-shocked. She is supposed to be that way. So, unfair comment, by people that never even paid attention. Make no mistake that this is very very off-beat and in many ways an embarrassment to watch. Especially the tiger and old bicycle bit. The trunk bit is such a hoot anybody could be forgiven for stooping so low as to watch it. As for the disturbing last segment, Mary Tamm has nice legs so okay I won't pursue that one any further. But at least I can now, almost four decades later, appreciate her in instant replay, freeze frame and slow motion. Isn't technology grand? Absolute junk but still a treasure trove.

Visited by colleague Dr. Nicholas (Jack Hawkins), Dr. Tremayne (Donald Pleasence) explains his amazing and controversial theories as to why each of his four patients went mad... cue four distinct tales each with a different set of characters! I love anthologies and was therefore instantly interested in this one. My only disappointment was that there were four segments. At 90 minutes, there should probably only have been three. We just never have time to fully develop the stories... (Although, I have to say a decent job was done here.) Hooray for director Freddie Francis, best known for his work with Hammer. And hooray for Kim Novak, perhaps best known for "Vertigo". The Encyclopedia of Horror says the film "avoids farce and develops a nicely deadpan style of humour which is ably sustained by the excellent cast in which only Novak appears unable to hit the right note." Not sure why they singled her out... I thought she did fine. Interestingly, this was the last film of both Frank Forsyth and Jack Hawkins, and Kim Novak had been semi-retired when she replaced Rita Hayworth to take her role here.

You would be forgiven for thinking this is another anthology movie from Amicus. Unfortunately they never quite descended to this level of entertaining mind-boggling idiocy in their scripts. This is a fun, watchable, utterly silly movie, with far-fetched plots that have to be seen to be er, witnessed. A really good cast must have been monumentally embarrassed (and short of a few quid) to appear in this. Our linking narrative concerns Donald Pleasence demonstrating some sort of cure he has found for mental illness to Jack Hawkins. Shades of the Amicus movie Asylum. We have four cases presented for our delectation. Mr. Tiger. Donald Huston and Georgia Brown have a son who has a fantasy pet tiger. The lad is bothering his parents with stealing meat from the fridge to feed his imaginary pet. Huston, who does nothing but shout a lot when he comes home from work, finally is nagged into confronting his son over it, and his parents discover the tiger is real. Yeah, right... Our second story concerns an antique dealer dealing with his late aunt's furniture, and discovering an old picture of his uncle and a penny farthing cycle have the power to compel him into the past to relive his uncle getting, er struck by lightning. Director Freddie Francis stages some sort of miracle in making these first two stories utterly watchable. AND NOW. HERE IT COMES. OUR THIRD CLASSIC. Joan Collins in a career low (and that's saying something if you've seen I Don't Want To Be Born) as a sexpot wife getting cuckolded by... a tree! This episode is hilarious as Joanie gets into a battle of wits with said tree, which resembles a female form...very slightly. No real excuse for her hubby to do her in and replace Joan with the tree in his bed! I'm not kidding. He really does! I think this episode deserves some sort of award for utterly demented script-writing. Fourth one concerns a cleverly planned human sacrifice during a Hawaiian-themed party set up by Kim Novak for a writer. Nope I did not make that up, either. This one is quite compelling, although Kim obviously let her acting lessons lapse after Vertigo, as she is astonishingly awful. Ed Wood's actors were better. Mary Tamm has some tasteful nudity. Didn't she marry Richard Dawkins - ah no, that was Lalla Ward. Shame! The whole concoction is utterly daft and yet never boring. Best viewed after about 8 pints in the pub...

This was actually the first UK portmanteau chiller of the 1970s I saw (on late night TV in the early 1980s). It hooked me into the genre and afterwards I loved seeing Asylum, The House that Dripped Blood, Vault of Horror, etc. This one is cool and elegant. The tales are all fun and suspenseful, and the excellent framing story (featuring Donald Pleasence acting kind of loopy) lifts things. The actors are great and seem to be having a ball. The story 'Mel' works especially well, and Joan Collins is great in it. Kim Novak and Mary Tamm are fun in 'Luau' too.

This is not one of those Amicus anthologies which present unexpected twists: three out of the four stories are utterly predictable from their initial set up. But then it's like one of those fairground rides - you see what you're going to get (eg a 25 foot vertical drop), but if you're into that sort of thing you can still get a thrill out of the ride (the last story in particular is quite unpleasant - watching it is like watching an unavoidable car accident in slow motion). While none of the acting is quite on the level that you get from Peter Cushing in particular in anthologies like 'The House that Dripped Blood' or 'Tales from the Crypt', it is consistently good (Joan Collins actually being more believable than in the silly story she appears in for 'Tales from the Crypt'), and Freddie Francis directs these with a good sense of atmosphere and character. One I wouldn't mind seeing again.

Perhaps people were more easily scared in those days. Why else would anyone think that any of these stories would generate much suspense? It's like watching a 1970's Movie of the Week rather than a motion picture, with the exception of the brief topless scene Joan Collins does. Oh, there is a little creepy atmosphere, and a number of capable stars do what they can with the material. But even in its best scenes, the film plays like a substandard "Asylum" knockoff. I know that I was disappointed. There were a number of such films during the 1970's and very few of them delivered much to its audience, which is probably why they don't make many of them anymore. The most recent attempt was "Tales From The Darkside." The formula still has the potential for a good movie, but this isn't it.

Dr. Nicholas (Jack Hawkins) arrives at the insane asylum run by the eminent Prof. Tremayne (Donald Pleasence) to hear his absolutely bizarre theories as to how four of his patients ended up there. The first is young Paul (Russell Lewis), who lived with quarrelling parents Sam and Fay (Donald Houston, Georgia Brown), and who had concocted an imaginary friend dubbed Mr. Tiger. Or is he imaginary? Next is Timothy (Peter McEnery), whose newly acquired penny farthing - it's a sort of bicycle - is able to transport him back in time, all while a leering portrait of his uncle Albert (Frank Forsyth) watches over him. Then we meet Brian (Michael Jayston), who frustrates his wife Bella (Joan Collins) by bringing home - and falling in love with (I kid you not) - a tree. A creepy looking tree that seems to be named Mel. Finally, in the tale that takes up most of the movies' running time, the story of Auriol (Kim Novak) is told. She's having to deal with a rebellious daughter, Ginny (Mary Tamm) while entertaining a writer named Kimo (Michael Petrovitch). Only the fourth tale, "Luau", has any real kick to it. And it's an appreciably twisted tale indeed. But overall, the segments of "Tales That Witness Madness" are bland and lack style. A shame, given that director / cinematographer Freddie Francis *could* do solid work in this format. Things get a little too silly a little too often, especially in the sequence with Brian and Bella, and the endings are rather predictable. Certainly this excellent cast of familiar faces does some good work; Pleasence is a pleasure to watch as always. And the movies' final moments come complete with yet another twist before the end credits start rolling. However, if you're looking for a good horror anthology from this period, check out "Asylum" or "Tales from the Crypt" instead. Five out of 10.

The portmanteau/anthology format is very hit and miss with many examples of the genre having at least one weak tale hidden amongst the good ones, or vice versa. Tales That Witness Madness, however, is fairly unique in that every segment—including the bizarre wraparound story—is a dud, meaning that usually dependable horror director Freddie Francis and his seasoned cast of character actors can do very little to prevent the film from being a crushing bore. Jennifer Jayne's nonsensical script sees Dr. Nicholas (Jack Hawkins) arriving at a futuristic hospital for the insane, where psychiatrist Dr. R.C. Tremayne (Donald Pleasance) is convinced that he has discovered what caused four of his patients to go mad. In order to convince his doubtful colleague, he recounts the details of each case: loony number one is Paul (Russell Lewis), a young boy whose imaginary friend Mr. Tiger proves to be very real indeed, devouring the lad's constantly bickering parents; patient number two, Timothy Patrick (Peter McEnery), loses his marbles after taking a trip into the past on a supernatural penny-farthing that is controlled by the ever-changing portrait of his Uncle Albert; fruitcake three, Brian (Micheal Jayston), kills his gorgeous wife (Joan Collins) in order to get it on with the malevolent tree trunk he brings into his home; and the last nutter is literary agent Auriol Pageant (Kim Novak) whose latest client, Hawaiian writer Kimo (Micheal Petrovitch), is planning a special feast with Auriol's tasty teenage daughter as the main course. After telling his unbelievable (and dreadfully dull) tales to a still sceptical Dr. Nicholas, the seemingly unhinged Tremayne is escorted to one of his own padded cells; shortly thereafter, Dr. Nicholas is paid a visit by Mr. Tiger!!! Dull, uninspired and cursed with some very lame 'twist' endings, this collection of dreadful tales offers horror fans very little to get excited about—with the exception of one scene that may be of particular interest to Evil Dead fans: Joan Collins' character is attacked by trees and creepers in the middle of a forest, the branches ripping off her clothes and groping her (body double's?) breasts. Sound familiar? 3.5 out of 10, rounded up to 4 for presence of the lovely Joan Collins.

Although often mistaken for an Amicus Production, (creators of most of those terrific portmanteu horror films from the 60's and 70's Tales From The Crypt, Vault Of Horror etc...), this is actually not related to that production company, however, it was directed by Hammer and Amicus stalwart, Freddie Francis. I like Francis as a director, really dig Joan Collins and love horror anthology movies in general. But it still took me 3 separate viewings to finish this one. It was just so dull. Donald Pleasence is dry and monotonous as usual in the framing segment as he takes another doctor on a tour of the mental hospital where he works. He introduces him to four patients, each of whom has a "tale that is supposed to witness madness". These include: a young boy with constantly bickering parents who creates an imaginary playmate - a ferocious lion. A man who receives a penny farthing bicycle that is a time machine. Joan Collins and a rotting piece of tree fighting over a man. And a luau party thrown by a woman who does not realize that her own daughter is the sacrificial guest of honor. None of the four stories were particularly interesting, the wraparound was dry and there was little to no gore (not that that is so important but at least it would have provided some entertainment). Don't go out of your way to track this one down. It's pretty bad.