Sumuru

Sumuru

Sumuru

Sumuru

Gorgeous women dressed as Roman Gladiators traipsing around a desert. Who footed the bill for this ? Getting a Root Canal or a Colonoscopy without sedation is less painful than watching this epic fail.

Another go at the Sax Rohmer character of Sumuru by the producer Harry Alan Towers. 'The Million Eyes of Sumuru' came out in 1967 and is completely different from this film. This Sumuru is a long, long way from the Sax Rohmer character and is bizarrely set in the future. A couple of fertile men, the last apparently in the universe, land on Sumuru's planet where she queens over lots of scantily women and a few enslaved men. You could write the rest of the film in your sleep. It is not a good film. The acting by Alexandra Kamp as Sumuru is terrible and what can one say about Simona Williams as her rival Taxan? It is a gloriously bad performance and thus one to treasure. It tops over the top. Michael Shanks and Terence Bridgett as the visitors have nice hairstyles (did they have a hairdresser on board?) but are otherwise bland. There is an annoying child in it who learns how to pilot a 900 year old spacecraft surprisingly quickly and a gigantic badly rendered CGI snake which is poor by 2003 standards. Credit must go to Savanah who plays a dog called...dog and seems to be the only animal on the planet apart from the aforementioned snake. The dialogue is a hoot. Do amazonian queens on distant planets usually say, "Gotta go!" Apart from the ceaseless amusement that Simona Williams' acting gives it is a boring film.

I watched this out of curiosity. I enjoyed Stargate SG1 and I've watched many of the other TV shows and movies that the principal characters have worked on. My expectations weren't high, so I was surprised to be so monstrously disappointed. The acting throughout is appalling, and the script is worse. Zero research into the bad science that is spouted throughout the movie, or into martial arts (which several cast members engage in throughout the movie, despite clearly having no martial arts training (baton twirling does not a warrior make)) training makes the already implausible plot even less credible. The same weapon (carried by Michael Shanks), when shot at the side of a mountain, causes extreme damage, but when shot indoors at the wall made of wicker, creates a small fireworks effect without damaging the wicker structure - OK, I suppose Michael Shanks fans will be sued to seeing that in Stargate SG1, where a staff weapon creates either a surface burn on a main character, or blasts a hole in a section of castle wall as required), but still... A bad CGI snake 'god' eats one of the faithful in the way a dog would eat - snakes just don't behave like that. The basic premise of an amazonian warrior cult on a distant planet is silly at best. Matriarchal societies have always been based on a lack of understanding that men are required in the process of propagating the species - for instance, the Picts, who didn't figure out the role of men in sexual reproduction until the ninth century - at which time, the balance of power moved from the women to the men. They carry technological weapons and demonstrate some knowledge of science - particularly of medicine, so the idea that a matriarchal society could exist with this level of scientific knowledge is based purely on the original author's wet dream. Of course, the few references to stellar science made in this movie demonstrate that the author knew nothing about that either (except for a few keywords that he must have heard in other movies). Still, it could have been done better - like 'She' in 1965 for instance, which showed matriarchal society with a certain reverence, far more believably, and even after 45 years it seems fresher than this fetid exercise in stupidity. Marching a few women around in 'armour', pouting aggressively, and spitting out their lines like a kiddie looking for a fight in a nightclub ("Come on then! I'll do ya!" style), seems to be over-simplifying the complexities of a matriarchal culture. The cultural references are so simple - 'all hail the snake mother' pretty much sums it all up. Even the tiniest hamlet shows more cultural variation. There is nothing clever, thought-provoking, interesting, visually exciting, or remotely entertaining about this movie. The soundtrack is of similar quality. I can only assume that the few, overly-charitable positive reviews this movie has received are from blinkered Michael Shanks fans who will give a thumbs up to anything he's involved in. Don't be fooled. Low budgets are not a reason for a film to fail - cheap B movies can be brilliant. This isn't one of them, and there's no reason to inflict this movie on yourself.

The reason... the ONLY reason I sat through this 2 hour dribble of a movie. The characters were silly, the dialog's were horrid(his sister dies in his arms and the kid complains he can't bring his dog with him... nuff said), the editing didn't make ANY sense. And don't get me started on the outfits. Cheesy second rate sci-fi movie that proves some people just have TOO much money. But then again... Michael Shanks. The eyes, the arms (oooooh, the arms), the oh so sexy jazzy stubble that he actually makes it work! Amazing work, Well plaid mister Shanks. Now please, don't leave the Stargate Vancouver set again.

Sumuru was never meant to be a first class science fiction movie. It's meant to be fun and the producers didn't take themselves too serious. With that in mind when I watched the DVD I was surprised that it wasn't bad at all. I liked it a lot and unlike other movies will certainly watch it again. The SFX could have been better sometimes and why would women walk around in a desert in clothing like that? Overall they did good work with this and especially Michael Shanks did an excellent job with his acting. If you want some deep meaning, serious drama, this one isn't for you. If you want to have fun, maybe with a few friends, get Sumuru, get out the popcorn and enjoy.

This movie is admittedly not the highest-budget, but what I like is that the producers know that, and refuse to take themselves too seriously. Maybe it would be better to say that the producers spent their money wisely, rather than throwing it into expensive, unnecessary effects. Filmed in South Africa by a German company, the locations are terrific, the actors are from all over the world (Michael Shanks has a fun departure from "type" as an action hero, and pulls it off well), and unlike some "blockbusters" I've seen, this one actually has a plot. Admittedly, it's not something to examine too closely (or maybe you would -- it's fun to try and come with answers to "why are you wearing metal clothes in the desert?" among others!), but the one-liners are fun, the men are dashing, the women are regal, the actors all seem to have good chemistry on-screen, and it's got a big giant snake. What more could you ask for when you're looking for light, fun sci-fi?

While the SFX left a lot to be desired, I had a blast watching this movie. It was FUN. The acting by some of the women was sub-par, although each of the two female leads did much better in the their scenes when paired with Michael Shanks. I like the man who played, Jake, he was very human. Shanks did an excellent job, as always, and played his character with a light, amusing hand. The man can do comedy, too! I rate a movie or show on how much I enjoyed watching it, and I give this one a 7. It was simply fun to watch, and nothing left me cringing. Okay, the 'hardly there' outfit the Snake Goddess was wearing was pretty cringe-worthy.