Simon Says

Trailer—Residents All the Way

A thoroughly bizarre horror movie in which a deranged Crispin Glover (is there any other kind) boobytraps a stretch of woodland with 1001 flying pickaxes and waits for a bunch of irritating teens to stumble onto the scene. I've never really understood the logic of populating a movie with completely unlikeable characters. It makes for pretty tedious viewing when the only reason for watching is not the hope that the characters survive, but that they will die sooner, rather than later. And the teens here, played by the usual bunch of pretty twenty-somethings, are some of the most irritating in horror history. Luckily, 'Simon Says' benefits from the presence of Crispin Glover, who is hilarious camping it up with a bizarre high-pitched accent that seems like a cross between English aristocracy and Louisiana Creole. He's clearly acting in a completely different movie that exists only in his own head and thank God for it. The kills are pretty creative and grizzly with a lot of messy dismemberment, but veteran writer/director Bill Dear has little interest in originality or developing any suspense or real fear. For fans of Glover's unique style, this is an often very funny must-see movie. For everybody else it's a pretty average teen slasher.

I decided to watch this one night when nothing was on. The description made the movie sound interesting and the fact that Crispin Glover was in it made me want to watch it. It at first seemed just OK but as it kept going I was actually becoming bored. I don't mind that the same ideas keep being used when it comes to the horror genre but when there isn't one character I can relate to or "root for" I have to say the movie failed. To me, one element that makes a good horror or slasher film is having that one character (hero or heroine) to cheer for. When its a bunch of idiots and unlikeable characters its a waste of time. Fans of horror know what Im talking about (The Halloween series always comes to mind when it comes to the heroine that is needed) Maybe it was bad acting and bad writing that made this terrible? I would say to a die hard horror fan (like me who has seen almost every horror/slasher film known to man) to skip this movie. I will say though Crispin as always delivered a fantastic performance its just a shame no one else delivered a great performance and that the script fell flat.

'As gory as it is irreverent' boasts the blurb on the back of the DVD for Simon Says; 'bloody and demented' claims the quote on the front; 'Phooey' says I, noticing the 15-rating awarded by the BBFC. But as it happens, it turns out that I am wrong (and once again that the BBFC are inconsistent): this film is every bit as gruesome and deranged as the cover says it is. And then some. On the face of it, Simon Says might sound like standard, teen-friendly slasher fare—a bunch of good-looking college kids (three blokes, three babes) go camping in the woods where they are hunted by a murderous psycho with a large collection of very sharp implements—but it actually proves to be a truly one-of-a-kind experience, a seriously insane effort boasting an unexpectedly off-the-wall style, inventive graphic violence, and an unrestrained central performance from Crispin Glover that can only be described as 'unique'. With writer/director William Dear taking such an unusual approach, and it's eccentric star acting even stranger than normal, it's understandable that many might not find this film to their taste; but if, like me, you enjoy your horror erratic and decidedly twisted, then Simon Says, with its flying pick-axe, poodle stomping splatter, should prove a satisfying watch. 7.5 out of 10, happily rounded up to 8 for a very daft but extremely entertaining showdown that sees the heroine opt for a rather unlikely hiding place.

When I saw all these positive comments and talk about different movie I was expecting something similar to what Scream did for slasher genre or something like it. Boy was I disappointed. Granted movie does have and interesting and unconventional opening but then it falls for every horror cliché around. Location, obviously. Middle of nowhere, woods. Characters are your typical group of teenagers. We don't know why they choose to camp there, we don't know who they are or practically anything about it. And you have your typical tight girl, your "friendly" girl, stoner/funny guy and so on. And of course the typical "I know there is something weird going on around here but instead of turning around and running away I'll keep poking around so I'll find bodies and body parts." While first such case is somewhat understandable the second one is beyond dumb. Then we have death scenes. Not that gory but between dumb and impossible. When you think about them a bit you realize this is just not possible. The ending is interesting, I'll give them that but one good moment simply can't fix overall bad impression this movie makes. Avoid if possible

The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the * Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night. "Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three. Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")

The story of "Simon says" is nothing new. Some teenagers in the wood get hunted down by some sicko. So, I didn't expect much anyway in that regard. Still, the movie disappointed me. The teenagers are just your basic clichés for this kind of movie, which is not necessarily bad, but the main problem is the main character, Simon. In my opinion he's just way overdone. The acting is almost like a caricature. So, what should be a threatening character ends up being a (sadly bad) joke. The kills are good, but that's about it. Everything else in this movie just is below par, even for the genre. Still, with a better Simon this movie could be fun. With that guy it's more a pain to watch than anything else. Avoid this movie.

Simon Says is definitely not your typical horror/thriller and unlike a lot of other movies in this genre this one actually has a really good story line. I like every thing about this movie the acting, filming and scenery were really well done. these film has comedy and a lot of cool action scenes with pickax's flying everywhere. it's awesome! Margo Harshman who play's Kate is amazing as the lead actress and Crispin Glover who plays double role's as the crazy twin brother's Simon/Stanley is as creepy as ever! if your a horror fan you'll love this one! it's a great movie and i highly recommend it so check it out when you get a chance!

You'd be hard-pressed to find any redeeming qualities in director Bill Dear's new film, "Simon Says". It's juvenile, cliché-ridden, and utterly lame. Simon (Crispin Glover) owns a store in the middle of nowhere that sells nothing. He has an apparent affinity for pick-axes, with dozens adorning the walls of his shed/store. Whenever he comes across other humans, he sports his best retard voice and begins asking goofy questions. No matter the reply, he grins stupidly, mumbles "you forgot to say 'Simon says'", and then proceeds to kill everyone in the scene. The characters take on the most banal forms of teen stereotyping. There's a stoner dude, a meat head jock, a prudish Asian, and two rank-and-file sluts. None of them contributes anything of significance to the story. The dialog is contrived and forced. The actors might as well be reading from cue-cards. Rent any porno and you're likely to find stronger performances. One neat twist is that the laws of physics do not apply within a 1-mile radius of Simon's store. Axes have infinite momentum. Some people can jump and change direction in mid-air. Others can magically teleport into charred corpses. Simon's many strange catapults, which he can reload at the speed of light, rain an impossible number of axes down on his victims. His single-ax launcher is extraordinarily precise, piercing the chest of a perfectly useless character from more than 100 yards away. There is no actual plot. Just a bunch of sterile characters being killed in impossible ways by an aspiring loon. There are attempts at humor. None work. By the end of the movie, I realized the joke was on me. Grade: F Avoid at all costs.