Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

source: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

On Mars, the Martian's kids are feeling rather blue, so the leader of the Martians come up with a plan to kidnap Santa Claus from Earth to bring him back with them so he can spread the Christmas joy, by giving presents to their children. But also on the trip to Mars are two Earth children who get caught up in this mess by helping the Martians find Santa Claus. Not everyone is too happy about this outcome, as one of the Martians doesn't like this idea of Santa spreading fun to their children, so he goes out of his way to stop that happening. What's Christmas without watching a Christmas flick. But oh my what a film to pick! I remember watching this flick a long time ago, but I didn't remember too much about it and that was definitely a good thing from what I just watched! It isn't the worst film I've seen, but it isn't that far away from it. 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ' does give the word bad, a really bad name. Ah, maybe bad is too loose of word to describe it. Abysmal, yeah that's better. Sure, this is aimed at children, but really there's whole lot better Christmas flicks out there! Especially since it treats you as if you're damn fool! There's nothing subtle about it with you basically being slap in the face with its heavy handed nature of forced morality and force-feeding you, to where the story is heading. If you're thinking that it might be so bad that it's good entertainment… far from it, actually. Ed Wood might be proud of it as it does share patterns to his type of work in the cheap effects, lousy costumes (except Santa's, but not the polar bear) and cardboard sets, but his films had heart by being too over-the-top, while this made in the basement production was a total drag and ultimately cold. Even if there's one or two hammy performances amongst many droll ones. That would be John Call as Santa Claus. The Christmas spirit to me came across as false and rather unsettling. Yeah, unsettling. Something about it and all the happiness felt unstable and just got my nerves. When they broke into that unnatural laughter and strained humour, *argh*, don't they know their limitations in this incompetent hogwash. Nice idea, but handled without any real passion and it shows by its restless nature. So, this is how to celebrate Christmas! And to think, is this feature mocking itself or being serious. Ah, I think more so the latter. Bah! Oh my beloved eyes and ears. Why did I put you in this much pain? Other things that stand out in this uninspired trite has got to be the choreographed action pieces that just blows you away. Blows you away at how amateurish they were. Pretty much it's cartoon style in its action, gags and wait the drowning music. Stock footage is patched in rather elegantly! That's if you got bad eye sight. The diabolically lengthy script with its emotionally touching and you bloody don't say speeches aren't helped by the mostly robotic performances. These mainly came from the kids and the aliens from Mars. Well more so, people who just like to wear green (because it's logically that they be green) and have a hard hat with tubing and a TV antenna on top. Gee, they looked so realistic! It looks like it just comes second nature. Be careful you don't lose any brain cells as the catchy, but annoying opening and ending tune sticks in your head! "Hooray for Santa Claus" No, "hooray it's over" sounds a lot better. Expect the unexpected. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing! Oh, by the way, the Martian's stun ray really works a miracle.

I still very much appreciate its spirit, both in terms of no-budget filmmaking and sense of fun. I wish that the films of today could have even a fraction of its good-natured mischievous approach. Certainly film studios could learn a thing or two, in this ridiculous era of quarter-of-a-billion-dollar blockbusters. I for one don't need the equivalent of 'having my eyes masturbated', as one cinema critic so lovingly stated. I would prefer watching this in a second over any of the ham-fisted, cash-soaked holiday atrocities made in the past three decades (I believe 'A Christmas Story', and perhaps 'Elf' and 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' to be the last decently-made Yuletide films). But don't take MY word for it...see it for yourself (without the stupid and condescending MST3K commentary) and make your OWN conclusion.

I only watched this because for about forty years I have seen it listed among science fiction movies. Yes one reviewer said it was made for kids. That's true. Others were made for adults. However, bad is bad. Who the film was directed at is of no consequences. I would suspect short attention spans, would last about five minutes. It's just a rambling mess of mistaken identity and ridiculous situations, going nowhere. Santa is OK in his ho, ho, ho, sort of way, but he even looks bored and confused at times. He is brought to Mars to get the kids to focus on more traditional Martian values or something. They are watching too much TV, I guess. But the pitfalls are that the Martians are so uninteresting. Earthlings with shoe polish on their faces--it even rubs off at times. There is the obligatory bad guy. I guess he's on a power trip because what difference does it all make? The title is really the best part of the movie.

This is truly the worst movie I have ever seen, but it really goes beyond that. Something this stunningly terrible simply had to be done on purpose. Every joke, every "special effect" every background, every costume is done without any kind of thought as to not looking like it was done in under fifty seconds. This film brings artistry to sub-mediocrity. Something so basely horrible defies the physics of cinematography. I could not make a worse movie if I spent absolutely no time at all making it. Someone really, really tried to make this piece of gold stink like a thousand dead scatologists. If you have a dollar on you the next time you pass by your local dollar store, do yourself a favor and revel in the worst thing you can imagine.

I remember seeing this movie a long time ago, way back before they installed the cup holders on the theater seat arm rests. You know, the good old days. All I could remember was the bright lights and colors, the green Martians, Santa was in it, and that "song" (S-A-N-T-A, C-L-A-U-S....) The next time I saw it, I was a freshman in college and it was playing at the local pub's Bad Flick Night. Time was not kind. It's a kid's movie, provided the kid is mentally deficient, a hostile brat and/or has short-term attention disorder. Either way, this one will appeal to them. For the rest of us, there's the issues of Santa-kidnapping Martians in BRIGHT green makeup and helmets that resemble Yul Brynner's headgear in "The Ten Commandments"; other Martians that you either want to punch out (Dropo) or try and talk out of future acting opportunities (a young Pia Zadora-???); Santas that walk around saying "Merry Christmas", despite the fact that Christmas is not even close; pop guns that immobilize people; polar bears that have extremely long hind legs; and blah, and blah, and blah... But DOES Santa Claus actually conquer the Martians of the title, like it says? Yep, but he doesn't hit, punch, kick, bite, scratch, claw or anything. Sorry kids, green blood does not flow here. You see, Santa puts in a Martian North Pole workshop and wins over the Martians with peace and good will towards men...and Martians too, I guess. He even makes lazy good-for-nothing Dropo a Martian Santa. GOOD; anything that will keep that nutcase on his own planet.... Two stars for SCCTM; one star for the Christmas spirit and another for the fact that it was half-price beer night when I went in that pub to see it again. Maybe they should do that for "The Horse Whisperer"....

(r#30) Basically everything is wrong about this film, and that's what makes it so great. It's hysterical, but even as you're laughing yourself breathless you can't help but feel bad inside that you're actually chewing down this rotten junk food. Because that's what Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is: a case of food poisoning. There are layers and layers of awfulness in this movie, and it really is an unforgettable experience. The actors are all stoned out of their minds and extremely ugly. The title pretty much explains the plot, although there's not really a lot of "conquering". Maybe a better title would have been "Santa Claus Laughs at Inappropriate Times while Hanging Out with Bad Actors in Silly Outfits"? Just saying. I know it isn't as catchy, but at least it's not deceiving. It would be impossible to sum up all the stuff that sucks about this film, so I'll break it down into what I remember most strongly: a man in an ingeniously fake-looking polar bear costume (funnier than the "bear" from Hercules in New York); an extra with the most unnatural laugh you're ever likely to hear; an ex-dope addict martian with tics; kid actors who make sure every syllable of their lines are slowly and caaarreee-fulll-yyy prrooo-noun-ceeed; a newspaper headline stating that Santa's been "kidnaped", and a giant robot. Yes, you read that right. A giant robot. The worst acting job in here must be when Mother Claus and her elves have been "frozen" by the "Martians'" weapons. Could they be *more* trembling? I know this was the sixties and everyone was doped up, but still. This wins the Dung Beetle Award of the year. Destined to become a Christmas classic for me!

Don't let the title of this movie mislead to into believing that this is some sort of B-horror, it isn't. It's a children's movie... a very bad children's movie. I've sat through movies that have put me in more pain than this (mostly sequels) but there really isn't anything good about this. First off the title of the movie is enough to pull in nearly any B-horror fan before they realize that Santa isn't up in the sky blasting away at the Martians. Rather he is kidnapped and ends up going pretty quietly. The problem with Mars is that there is no joy to be had for the children on Mars. Drawing this from the sad looks on his children's faces, the Martian leader decides it'd be a great idea to kidnap Santa and force him to spread Christmas joy on their planet. Again, Santa has no problem with this and goes quietly. However, the evil Voldar sees weakness in joy and decides that Santa must be destroyed before all of Mars becomes a happy place. So does Santa actually conquer anything? No. Is there anything in this movie that's worth seeing? Unless your extremely forgiving when it comes down to children's movies, no. Another thing that should be noted is that I do believe the soundtrack for this movie was recorded in the 7th layer of Hell. It's that bad. Not even worth the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart. If you want a Christmas movie I suggest revisiting Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Made in 1964 this film is a cult classic. Is it a great film? No! Is it fun to watch? Absolutely. Should you see? Of course. Is it safe for children? Yes. The plot of this film is that the children of Mars are in some sort of stupor. When a father goes to the supreme leader about the problems his children are having the leader tell s them that "Children are no longer Children on Mars". Eventually the Martians are told about how on earth they have Christmas and Santa Claus. The Martians then set out to kidnap Santa and they do along with 2 children. Santa however is facing a problem when he gets on Mars because one the Martians does not approve of his arrival. If your a child of the 1970's then chances are you have seen this film. It is fun to watch. You can't help but to laugh at the cheap looking "Saturday Morning Television" special effects.

The complete and utter ineptness of this movie is very entertaining for approximately 20 minutes. Then it's simply becomes another incredibly lame and irritating no-budget Sci-Fi flick from the early 60's. The opening sequences are still somewhat refreshing and, bearing in mind this was originally intended to be a film for children exclusively, you begin to develop impressions that it doesn't really deserves its notorious reputation of being one of the all-time worst stinkers. All the children on earth get anxious because Christmas time is coming up and jolly music plays from every television set. For some hi-tech reason, the children on Mars receive the earthly TV-channels as well, and they're depressed because they haven't got a bearded fat guy in a red suit that hands out presents. The great leader of Mars – busy man that he is – promptly organizes a mission to earth in order to kidnap Santa and return the happiness to his children's green faces. So far so good, the sets and costumes are incredibly cheesy and laughable, but you can't help smiling at the screen. Then it all goes downhill from the moment Santa (and two random kids) are abducted and taken back to Mars. Santa Claus doesn't exactly "conquer" the Martians; he befriends them! For you see, there's only ONE mean and ill-natured Martian but all the others are hospitable and friendly. Then the movie just gets plain boring and I imagine even kids from the early 60's would have found it dreadful! The enthusiasm of cast and crew seems to have disappeared and there are absolutely no ingenious gimmicks anymore. John Call has the ideal posture and charisma to play Santa, but even he can't produce a convincing "Ho Ho Ho" when the end of the movie nears. Painful...