Runaway Nightmare

source: Runaway Nightmare

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Runaway Nightmare; here's the breakdown of my ratings: Story: 0.25 Direction: 1.25 Pace: 0.25 Acting: 0.50 Enjoyment: 0.50 TOTAL: 2.75 out of 10.00 Runaway Nightmare is precisely that. A nightmare that just won't stop. The writer, director, and star of this excruciatingly tedious shambles, Mike Cartel, is actually the best thing about the project. Evidently, Cartel knew what he was after; it's a shame he didn't dispense that information to the others. The story has two Nevada Desert Worm Farmers espying a couple of dubious characters burying a wooden container in the desert. When their curiosity gets the better of them, they dig up the box and discover a naked lady inside - A still breathing, beautiful blonde lady. No sooner have the reluctant heroes taken her home than her compatriots arrive, locked and loaded, to take her back. However, since the two men have seen them, the women decide Ralph and Jason must return too and await Hesperia's decision on their futures. The lads begin deducing that the female of the species is crazier than the male as they drive to the lady's lair. What will happen to our dauntless duo? Will they escape, or will Heperia's sentence be fatal? Sounds good so far, doesn't it(?) And because I'd read the synopsis, I gave it a try. I will now tell you the story fails in many ways. For a start, the characters are ridiculous and lacking in personality. In most cases, they're less than one-dimensional. They're there; they walk and talk. However, you never connect or relate to them. Only Ralph appears to have a smidgeon more presence, but maybe that's because Cartel wrote him and Cartel played him. Talk about giving yourself the best parts and lines. Then there's the comedic element. You can see Cartel was attempting, but once again, most of the humour is pitiful, except for the lines Cartel gets, and then these are merely mildly funny, at their best. Next comes the thrills and spills of the action and espionage - well, no. Because of the horrendous characterisations, these segments appear lacklustre, dull and drawn out. And they only get worse when Cartel plants his backside in the director's chair. The chief obstacle to the picture was the near non-existent timing. The tempo was so wearisome that it felt like all the comedy components had taken a nap, and the action sequences had gone into extra slo-mo. The monotonous pace made everything uninteresting. That was a shame as Cartel has a decent eye for composition, and there are some beautifully captured scenes and images - even the warehouse in the desert looks good. Sadly, a one-trick pony hardly ever wins the race, and most fail to place. As for the cast - one word, three syllables - Hor-ren-dous. Even the ubiquitous Cartel adds to their awfulness. I would like to describe their performances as wooden. However, I have a two-by-four out in the shed that has given better performances - you should see his rendition of Withnail and I. And, I fully believe some of them were on day release from the local nut-house. Only Cartel and Seeska Vandenberg elevate themselves above the tree line, but it's never for too long. They quickly plummet back into the forest of atrocious acting. This recommendation is easy - stay the hell away from Runaway Nightmare - Everyone - Yes! That means you too. I watched this film so you didn't have to. Finally, the squirming worms have turned. That should give you enough time to check out my IMDb lists - Absolute Horror, The Game Is Afoot, and Just For Laughs to see where Runaway Nightmare crashed into my rankings - and to find a better worm with which to bait your hook. Take Care & Stay Well.

Laidback Ralph (an amiable portrayal by writer/director Mike Cartel) and his bored buddy Jason (the equally engaging Al Valetta) are a couple of Death Valley worm farmers who are abducted by a group of sexy female gunrunners who not only make the hapless duo their sex slaves, but also force the pair to assist them with their bold plan to steal a suitcase full of plutonium from the mob. Cartel relates the intriguing oddball premise at a hypnotically deliberate pace, makes fine use of the desolate desert locations, maintains a genuinely peculiar, yet still somehow strangely arresting tone throughout, and delivers plenty of wickedly funny moments of deliciously dry'n'deadpan dark humor throughout. Moreover, Cartel brings an uncompromisingly idiosyncratic sensibility to the quirky material that blends elements of action, horror, thriller, and comedy into a truly novel and unique mix that stubbornly refuses to ever follow an obvious standard formula in order to happily trek down its own distinctly eccentric (and endearing) path instead. Of course, the bevy of beautiful babes certainly doesn't hurt things in the least, with Cheryl Gamson as the spaced out Pepper in particular rating as an absolute hoot. The hopelessly stilted acting and the spare droning synthesizer score further enhance this honey's considerable flaky charm. A neat little curio.

Runaway Nightmare (1982) BOMB (out of 4) Ralph (Mike Cartel) and Jason (Al Valletta) are working as worm farmers in the desert and complaining that their lives have no fun or adventure. As soon as they say that they witness a couple men burying a box. They decide to dig it up and inside is a woman that is still alive. They take her home but before long a gang of women break in and kidnap the men. This regional horror film started production in 1978 and it was finished sometime in 1982 when the picture was released. The version of the film I watched was the original director's cut, which features no nudity or anything like that. When it was originally released on video someone added a bunch of * inserts but sadly they were not a part of the director's cut, although they can be found on the DVD release of the film as a bonus feature. As far as the film goes, I must admit that I'm rather shocked to read some positive reviews of this thing. For my money this was one of the worst and most boring films I've ever seen. I mean, you've pretty much got nothing happening throughout the 93-minute running time. You keep watching the movie expecting something of interest to happen but it never does. The film continues to drag along and there's still nothing. The pure boredom caused by this picture is just something shocking to witness. I really don't understand what the director (Cartel) was trying to do. There's no drama. No mystery. No horror or gore. There's no nudity. There's honestly nothing going on with this picture. I guess some people share my feelings of nothing going on yet they find that to be entertained because they've never seen anything like it before. I think it would have been better had RUNAWAY NIGHTMARE just not been made.

Ralph (writer / director / star Mike Cartel) and Jason (Al Valletta) are two dopey worm farmers in Death Valley. One day they witness the burial of a young woman - who wasn't dead - and by rescuing her, they leave themselves vulnerable to the machinations of a female cult. The ladies in this cult are lovely and deadly, and their great plan - other than turning Ralph and Jason into sex slaves - is to pilfer a case of platinum from the Mafia. "Runaway Nightmare" is not going to be for people who prefer lots of action and explosions every few minutes. It's a very sedately paced and quirky little oddity. Cartel is much more concerned with surrealism and nuance than in delivering anything resembling a conventional narrative. His film isn't altogether satisfying, and some people may find it tough to stick with. The acting is obviously going to be of the amateur variety, yet Cartel himself has an enjoyably deadpan manner and gets to utter some funny lines. He and Valletta do make for an amusing pair of buddies. Among our striking female antagonists are Seeska Vandenberg, and Cindy Donlan as the memorably named Hesperia. On location shooting is a big plus; Cartel gives "Runaway Nightmare" some interesting atmosphere. Melding genres such as horror, crime, and exploitation, it's basically for the more adventuresome of lovers of cult and forgotten cinema. Some buffs might get a big kick out of the ending, which pays tribute to a particular film noir classic. Cartel maintains a very low key approach even in those sequences that would ordinarily be treated as major set pieces. This is also mildly titillating but never overtly trashy. Six out of 10.

Wow! Where to start with this one? A couple of guys (the wisecracking, vaguely Nicolas Cage-like Ralph, played by Director Cartel, and Jason, played by Al Valletta) run an insect ranch (worms and snails) in Death Valley. They see a couple of guys bury a box in a shallow grave. They open it up to find a beautiful naked blonde woman (alive). Then a bunch of other women capture them at gunpoint and take them to a ranch populated by only women (one of them punches Ralph out). They tie them up, almost brand them and use them as sex slaves, but they're eventually initiated (!) into this cult. But they still have to perform menial tasks and are constantly under threat. One mean girl ("every man i've touched has died a violent death") tries to kill Ralph repeatedly (a running joke). The rest of the time they hang around the dark house swapping non-sequitors or having inane conversations (the stilted dialogue delivered in the most wooden way is jaw-dropping). Jason seems to be enjoying himself! A pistol duel ends with a trick backfiring gun killing one of the women ("oh wow man, her head's all gone"). Other random scenes involve a living portrait and women doing exercises or dancing against stark, black backgrounds, and there's video inserts of tits over and over again. This thing just gets weirder and weirder...Eventually we discover that the girls are gunrunners (!) who want to steal back a suitcase of platinum (!!) from mobsters with a warehouse in the desert. But it turns out to be plutonium (!?), and the penultimate scene is straight out of the classic KISS ME DEADLY. The very ending involves nuclear waste and (i think) vampirism. Un-beeping-believable! Could it be a twisted sexual fantasy for real weirdos, or "stupid bug farmers"? Who can tell? I liked the large chess board rug, and the scene where Ralph and Jason discuss their escape plan quite loudly in front of their captor. Cartel (who had a part in PETS) also wrote a crime movie called BITTER HERITAGE. Valletta was also in HOLLYWOOD'S NEW BLOOD and co-directed 1982's ALLEY CAT. And where have i heard snatches of the synth score before? Movie reviews at: spinegrinderweb.com

This thoroughly uncategorizable whatever-the-hell-it-is is far and away one of the most aberrant gonzo visions ever committed to celluloid(with a few shot-on-video nudity inserts). Seriously...this one will leave your head spinning for days, if not months... The conspectus of this flippantly engendered zero-budget wonder involves a rat-pack of female criminals who abduct a couple of lowly Death Valley worm farmers(?!), and forcibly enlist their aid in a plot to snare a briefcase full of plutoni...uh...PLATINUM... from a rival organized crime syndicate. The film brings down the curtain with a scene paying light homage to the 50s noir classic KISS ME DEADLY. The deranged impetus of RUNAWAY NIGHTMARE is largely propelled by dallying shots of women posing seductively with an assortment of weapons. Considering the noticeably unfurnished nature of this conception, I suspect it was predominantly formulated as fetishistic fodder piloted at guys with a blaze in their pants for armed-and-dangerous females. Hey...sign me up. What's hotter than a chick with a gun? Nothing...I mean NOTHING the likes of RUNAWAY NIGHTMARE has ever crossed my path...an ass-backward oddity with enough catawampus appeal to merit a small cult following. Featured castmember Georgia Durante, a noted model, gangster's moll and stuntwoman, later published her disturbing memoirs in a marvelous book(called THE COMPANY SHE KEEPS), which is every bit as bizarre as this film. 6/10

source: Runaway Nightmare

Ralph (writer / director / star Mike Cartel) and Jason (Al Valletta) are two dopey worm farmers in Death Valley. One day they witness the burial of a young woman - who wasn't dead - and by rescuing her, they leave themselves vulnerable to the machinations of a female cult. The ladies in this cult are lovely and deadly, and their great plan - other than turning Ralph and Jason into sex slaves - is to pilfer a case of platinum from the Mafia. "Runaway Nightmare" is not going to be for people who prefer lots of action and explosions every few minutes. It's a very sedately paced and quirky little oddity. Cartel is much more concerned with surrealism and nuance than in delivering anything resembling a conventional narrative. His film isn't altogether satisfying, and some people may find it tough to stick with. The acting is obviously going to be of the amateur variety, yet Cartel himself has an enjoyably deadpan manner and gets to utter some funny lines. He and Valletta do make for an amusing pair of buddies. Among our striking female antagonists are Seeska Vandenberg, and Cindy Donlan as the memorably named Hesperia. On location shooting is a big plus; Cartel gives "Runaway Nightmare" some interesting atmosphere. Melding genres such as horror, crime, and exploitation, it's basically for the more adventuresome of lovers of cult and forgotten cinema. Some buffs might get a big kick out of the ending, which pays tribute to a particular film noir classic. Cartel maintains a very low key approach even in those sequences that would ordinarily be treated as major set pieces. This is also mildly titillating but never overtly trashy. Six out of 10.

Laidback Ralph (an amiable portrayal by writer/director Mike Cartel) and his bored buddy Jason (the equally engaging Al Valetta) are a couple of Death Valley worm farmers who are abducted by a group of sexy female gunrunners who not only make the hapless duo their sex slaves, but also force the pair to assist them with their bold plan to steal a suitcase full of plutonium from the mob. Cartel relates the intriguing oddball premise at a hypnotically deliberate pace, makes fine use of the desolate desert locations, maintains a genuinely peculiar, yet still somehow strangely arresting tone throughout, and delivers plenty of wickedly funny moments of deliciously dry'n'deadpan dark humor throughout. Moreover, Cartel brings an uncompromisingly idiosyncratic sensibility to the quirky material that blends elements of action, horror, thriller, and comedy into a truly novel and unique mix that stubbornly refuses to ever follow an obvious standard formula in order to happily trek down its own distinctly eccentric (and endearing) path instead. Of course, the bevy of beautiful babes certainly doesn't hurt things in the least, with Cheryl Gamson as the spaced out Pepper in particular rating as an absolute hoot. The hopelessly stilted acting and the spare droning synthesizer score further enhance this honey's considerable flaky charm. A neat little curio.