Only Lovers Left Alive

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Only Lovers Left Alive-480P

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ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE is nothing more than an art-house remake of the Anne Rice adaptation QUEEN OF THE DAMNED, done in Jim Jarmusch's inimitable style: i.e. very slow, dragged out, and with zero happening from beginning to end. I should note that I've only previously seen one of Jarmuschs's movies - GHOST DOG: WAY OF THE SAMURAI - which I absolutely loved, but I've avoided the rest for fear they wouldn't appeal to me. I was right. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE is everything I hate about the pretentious art-house genre of film-making. This is a supposedly literate and intelligent movie that depicts the lassitude of eternal life and consists of characters lazing around and talking about the historical figures they encountered. This is supposed to impress us; it doesn't. Jarmusch as writer seems to be even lazier than Jarmusch as director, thinking the audience will simply be impressed by his sleek cinematography and claptrap dialogue. They're not. Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton are the ones foolish enough to sign up for this nonsense, and they're both poor. Hiddleston does his best Lestat impersonation but hides behind his shaggy hair for the most part. Swinton is once again an ethereal presence but adds zero character to that appearance. John Hurt turns up to get his pay cheque, as always, and the likes of Anton Yelchin and Mia Wasikowska are in it so little that it's a wonder they bothered turning up on set. If you like long, drawn-out films of characters lazing around on sofas and having 'intellectual' discussions, then maybe ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE is for you. Me, I couldn't stand it.

This is the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen The Room *and* Plan 9 From Outer Space. What can I say? This isn't just a bad film, this is the worst film ever made. The characters are unsympathetic, the plot hackneyed and boring, the pace glacial. It's a love story about two vampires who care about the environment and human rights, or something. Even the soundtrack is terrible. This film manages to cram in every clichè from every bad vampire movie ever made. Adam and Eve (no, really) spend their immortal centuries whining about the environment and "zombies" (ie, humans), name dropping all the famous people they've met throughout history, and hanging out in undiscovered hipster paradises Detroit and Tangiers while scoffing hospital blood (because, among other things, fresh human blood is too "contaminated"). Oh, and they wear sunglasses at night and wear gloves all the time, no doubt 'cause they're so, like, sensitive and stuff. The action, like the plot is almost non-existent - if you took out all the self-indulgent, lingering shots of their dilapidated houses and cities and uninteresting conversations that go nowhere you would have perhaps 20 minutes of footage, at the most. A warning: It manages to look like it might become interesting if you give it ten more minutes for most of the film, and there is an almost interesting bit in the middle - but it's not worth it. This is two hours of your life that you will never, ever get back. I don't care who he is, Jarmusch should be ashamed of himself.

It's pretty easy to fancy this film as cool and arty and whatnot, but let's resist the hype and our hunger for coolness for a sec, and see it as it is, shall we? It is so incredibly empty and banal that it's almost shocking. Simply NOTHING happens in this film in any level. Yes, actors are cool and beautiful, images, too, music, well, I leave that to your taste (I felt like cutting my wrists after a while). But the point is that all these can't do much more than create a feeling, an atmosphere. Could have been a wonderful music video, for example, conveying this particular feeling, but to make it into a 120 mins film without apparent story, message, dynamics, moral/intellectual/character progression, was just a mistake. SPOILERS. So, there's Adam, depressed and suicidal throughout the film, no change in mood and facial expression whatever. He composes music but not clear to whom or for what since he truly despises humans and prefers complete anonymity. He doesn't even show his music to his fellow vampire, Eva, because "it's personal". At the same time, it's clearly not enough to cheer him up or give a purpose for his life. His only happy moments are when he takes his actual drug portion (blood in this case, but it's irrelevant). He lives separately from wife whom he adores and longs for, but that doesn't stop him from buying a wooden bullet in order to kill himself. There's Eve, the wife, whose life is equally without direction or purpose, but at least it doesn't disturb her. She's happy with her books and the company of some fellow superior being and, of course, her actual portion of drug. Her relationship with Adam presented in a totally empty, unsophisticated way, no details, no depth, no answers about how desire could last so long, how their feelings changed during all those centuries. It's empty, colourless, something like a teenage fantasy about "perfect love", which, of course, we all know by age 20, doesn't exists. And there's Eva, her sister, who is quite irritating and silly, but at least is able to LIVE, inquire, jump in the water and stay open. Of course, she is very quickly kicked out of their life, as she brings danger and questions and unexpected things, and it's just not what those two want. God knows what they want - seemingly nothing. Quite frankly, it's like an attempt from Jarmusch to pour his pessimism and misanthropy onto the world. Like a massive cry about how lost he feels in this world ruled by senselessness and stupidity and destructiveness. And you could argue that this is the exact purpose of film-making and art in general: paint a picture, hold a mirror to whatever, but to me it's just not good enough to present an "everything is crap" message and leave things to that. It's irritating as a matter of fact. If this is all you can say, go to a therapist and discuss it. If this is what you feel and think that you can offer some kind of solution or answer to it, make a film.

Jim Jarmusch's delicious new comedy is a vampire movie unlike any other. It's set in the present but forget those "Twilight" sagas; these are vampires for the art-house crowd, smart, funny and yes, sexy creatures of the night, (the whole film takes place at night; there isn't a single shot in daylight), and I was crazy about them. Indeed Jarmusch has fashioned a masterpiece about a couple of lonely people whose only solace is each other, doomed if you like to be together for all eternity or until one of them gets a stake or a wooden bullet in the heart or drinks some 'bad blood'; (I loved the subtle AIDS metaphor; be careful who you bite). Adam, (tall, dark and sexy Tom Hiddleston), and Eve, (a mesmerizing Tilda Swinton), have been married to each other, several times it would appear, over the centuries but living separate lives, he in Detroit as a reclusive musician, she in Tangier where she has another old vampire for a friend. He is Christopher Marlowe, (yes that Christopher Marlowe), and he's played by John Hurt with a twinkle in his eye. It's when Eve visits Adam in Detroit, flying by night, (in a plane; what did you expect - bat-wings?), that all hell breaks loose in the shapely form of Eve's sexy sister, (a terrific Mia Wasikowska), who can't keep her fangs to herself. As you would expect from Jarmusch this is funny, intelligent and off-the-wall. Hiddleston proves to be a highly dapper comedian while Swinton is superb as Eve, getting all she can out of a life she knows is going to go on forever. Unmissable.

Only Lovers Left Alive is one of the most breath-taking films I have ever seen. As a fan of the more artistically styled film I was captivated throughout. The entire film is quiet and dark with an eerie feeling of timelessness that matches the souls as old as time itself, Adam (Tom Hiddleston) and Eve (Tilda Swinton). The film centres around their eternal love, highlighting the modern world through the light, easy-going spirit of Eve and the tortured romantic Adam. Despite being set in the modern day it is completely unlike vampire films of recent times, presenting a visually beautiful story of true romance. Artistic is the epicentre of this film. It is entirely set at night so it has a sleepy, soft half-light, in the empty, mysterious streets of Detroit and Tangier. The script has a minimal feel, giving the impression that every word is important, and there are some great moments of dark comedy scattered throughout, mixed with cultural and literary references and philosophical observations. Everything about it is slow and measured and perfected, even down to the synchronised movements of Adam and Eve. The acting is stunning, with a particularly beautiful performance from Tom Hiddleston, who carries the role of the suicidal vampire who has grown tired of the disrepairs of the world with a darkly sexy air. Tilda Swinton provided a light to Hiddleston's dark, offering a rescue at the darkest of moments. There was yet more contrast with Eve's wild and unpredictable younger sister (Mia Wasikowska) and the wise, worldly Marlowe (John Hurt). The clash of characters adds to the charm of the story and the style. The film is slow-paced but contrary to other opinions I didn't feel that it dragged on in any way. It presents a lot of truths about current society which really made me think. Naturally, it remains true to some vampire film stereotypes: dark, sexy and romantic. If you're a Tom Hiddleston fan in particular I recommend this, his portrayal of such a flawed character is simply stunning. However even if you're impartial, I would highly recommend this film, everything about it is breath-taking and gorgeous. It achieves artistic without clouding the message of the film and draws you in to its perfect eternity and escapism.

This is Jim at his utter best. The balance between emotive writing and gentle quiet spaces within the script are total perfection. The characters are well rounded and very easy to empathize with, which is surprising for a couple of centuries old vampires. There is none of the usual gaudy over the top vampiric crap that usually fills these types of movies. It's a love story at heart and one that does a fantastic job of balancing itself so that the intimacy shown on screen is divine taste of these interesting characters lives without falling over the top into some strangely perverse romcom. There is humor and and satire in abundance, though it is never cheapened or thrown into the mix to fill a gap. No this film in entirety is sweet and humbling. The sets are rich and perfectly put together, the performances are flawless from each and every member of the cast no matter how long their involvement. This movie is the type that causes you to want to crawl into it's story and settle down to live within it.

Right, where to begin? I was recently driven away from watching the final 40 minutes of this film at The Showroom in Sheffield by a complete lack of any story/plot and some of worst dialogue I have heard in a very long time. As another (unfavourable) reviewer commented previously, the dialogue is that of a 1st year Arts student trying to sound cool and interesting in front of their teacher who they are obsessed with- when in reality it sounds like a car-crash in the form of words. Just to provide some context, this is only the 2nd film I have ever left the cinema before the end for- the 1st being Gus Van Sant's 'Paranoid Park', another totally uninspiring, pointless film. And I don't want to give the wrong impression, I actually LIKE slow films when done well *See 'Once Upon A Time In Anatolia' by Nuri Bilge Ceylan or 'Stalker' by Andre Torkovsky- masters of that particular art form, they make this film look like it has been made by Usain Bolt in comparison. But where Ceylan and Tarkovsky succeed in intriguing the viewer with meaning and engaging characters, this is pretentious drivel of the highest order. There are not enough words in my vocabulary to express my absolute fury & disgust at what I was made to endure, and when I said "made", that is purely my own insistence on seeing things to the end, in case the film comes up trumps. In this case, I doubt that anything so fantastical could have happened in those last 40 minutes to make me change my mind about this film. The only positives you can take from this are that the music is good and the scenes of Detroit and Tangier are pleasing on the eye. The acting is OK but they are made to spout the most pointless claptrap that you start to question just how good these actors are, which is definitely not fair on them. After deliberating on whether to leave the cinema before we did for a whole 20 minutes, the final straw for me came when Eve said Adam, "have you got a bit of old carpet?". I would rather have spent my afternoon disposing of my old carpet down the skip.