Number One with a Bullet

Trailer—Number One with a Bullet

This has to be one of the worst films I have ever seen. There is absolutely no action, to much no since talking, and very bad music. I was about to hang myself with my belt if Robert Caridean sang one more tune as he has beetle eyes. Billy Dee Williams couldn't fire a gun if a 800lb person stood one inch in front of him. Doris Roberts should have retired thirty years ago for she has too many wrinkles for saying a quote. I would rather have my nose bit by a rattle snake while eating liver and onions than to see this film again. So save your time and watch real action films like Chuck Norris. I give this film 1 out of 10,000,000 Mountain Dews.

A typical buddy buddy cop thriller of the late '80s, heavily derivative and sadly too low budget to do much with the premise. The story involves a couple of cops (Carradine and Williams) who go on the trail of nefarious criminals and gradually uncover a minor conspiracy. Peter Graves plays the police chief. It's amiable enough in a low-to-mid budget way, with some action, but entirely forgettable with it.

It's been a long time since I've seen it...but I recall the title theme being exceptionally good. I was a big fan of Valerie Bertinelli, too, so I'd have watched this just for her, probably. She & Billy Dee (who I'd already seen in "Hit", which is enormously better than this, among others), plus the title music, are really about the only reasons to watch this clear Lethal knockoff. (If you want a much better spin on Lethal, have a look at "Bon Cop, Bad Cop".)

Don't get me wrong, this is a horribly by the numbers, worthless and forgetable film, but in my circle of friends it has developed a cult classic status. This is due to a friend giving me repeated copies of it as gifts as a long running joke. This caused me and some other friends to make our own sequel to it, Number 2 With a Bullet, to give to him on his birthday. After showing our film to some more friends we then made another, Number 3 With a Bullet. We even plan to make another in the next month. These are crudely made pieces but are highly entertaining nonetheless (more so than the original it has to be said). I hope that one day the makers of this poor buddy movie discover the legacy they have created (just as long as they don't sue).

No one will ever say this was a "great film", but it's still got plenty of redeeming qualities that place it far above most of the tripe Hollywierd is pumping out these days. An endless stream of subtle but hilarious one-liners ("Man, I was just on the toilet thinking' about you. Ain't life a bitch?" and "I guess he shoulda froze." "Well, it's not like we didn't tell him."), scene setups that have been copied to death for their comic potential (like the drying-out scene), and the cliché but still fresh presentation of a classic buddy-movie. Even the annoying characters (like Mom) are somehow entertaining in their own way. It doesn't surprise me that this title is conspicuously absent from rental shelves, but I, for one, will be glad when it's finally available on DVD. PS I still find myself quoting this movie at least once a week: "No, thanks. I'm on a low-mucous diet." :-D