Night Train to Terror

source: Night Train to Terror

OK, everyone who has written so far that this movie is unimaginably awful is exactly right. It makes no sense. It looks like it was edited with dull scissors and a leaf blower. BUT... I suggest that anyone who is interested try watching the movie in a way one doesn't normally watch "horror" films. Imagine that you aren't watching a traditional horror flick. Rather, imagine that you're watching a bizarre collaboration between Salvador Dali and Andy Kaufman, and try to follow the story on its own terms and with its own internal logic. Just see if your mind doesn't get blown!

Rating- * out of five John Phillip Law and Cameron Mitchell star in this cheesy grade-Z horror picture about God and Satan telling three stories on board a train bound for an accident. The film is so poorly made it is sometimes barely watchable, at certain points confusing and also bizarre. Although the script does have creativity and the usage of three other unfinished films are combinded together to make one, the poor lighting, special effects, editing, acting and cinematography are what really make this film unwatchable, when it could have used some originality. The film itself may have needed a better budget and the director failed to build suspense in many scenes.

As stated in other comments, this pandemonious cinematic nose-dive is a careless tangle of three of the director's previously released masterworks in condensed form. The admixture is then kneaded into what was presumably intended to pass off as an anthology film, naturally inclusive of a ridiculous wraparound story filmed specifically to make this fish-out-of-water gel somewhat. Unfortunately, what this slapdash recipe yields is an asymmetrical, crudely doctored Frankenstein monster. Truth is, NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR is possibly the most disorienting cinematic achievement since PSYCHED BY THE 4-D WITCH...a feat, to be sure. I've been exposed to two of these stories in their original formats...DEATH WISH CLUB and CATACLYSM, both of which are somewhat interesting B minus trash flicks. The segment featuring 70s superstud John Phillip Law, however, I have yet to track down(something called SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF/MARILYN ALIVE AND BEHIND BARS, which looks to be a right inviting little crock-o-schlock). Some heinous early MTV rock video styled nonsense is mashed up in the "new" portion of this palimpsest, guilty of some of the worst fashion bummers ever committed to film. NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR is such an all-wrong royal faux-pa that to be unmoved by gleeful schadenfreude at its expense would seem next to impossible. 4/10

I remember having seen "Night Train to Terror" on VHS twelve or thirteen year ago when I was a kid.This trippy and disjointed celluloid nightmare was sewn from condensed version of low-budget horror movies "Death Wish Club","Cataclysm" and an at-the-time unfinished 1982 film "Scream Your Head Off".The campy discussions between God and Satan takes place on a train known both as the Heavenly Express and Satan's Canonball since it carries unknowing souls to one or the other destination.In the first story "The Case of Harry Billings" a man is kidnapped and taken to an insane asylum were he is put under hypnosis and lures victims to become tortured and murdered as part of an organ-harvesting operation.The second story "The Case of Gretta Connors" entails two young lovers who become involved in a sinister cult of people fascinated with death.The final story "The Case of Claire Hansen" involves an apprentice to the Devil who is out to destroy mankind and a group of immortals who are out to stop him.Very amusing and and inept horror film perfect for the lovers of cinematic trash.8 out of 10.

....Yeah, he would have arrived at something like this! I first saw this in the theater (about 1985?) when it was released. The movie poster had a large knife stuck into some train tracks. Me and my friends thought it was a slasher flick about a psycho loose on a train....BOY WERE WE WRONG! This movie is TOTAL entertainment for fans of inept horror-exploitation cinema who think they have seen them all, and are jaded (like me!). The best thing about this movie is, there is SO much going on! You mind will be reeling and trying to make sense of it all, and then you hit over the head with something ridiculous and/or gory. In the "Suicide Club" segment, the "wrecking ball" that's prepared to crush some of the members, is , if you look closely, a Hoppity Hop! (one of those heavy rubber balls with loop handles that kids would bounce/ ride on in the 1970's). Also in that segment, the girl ("Greta"?) suddenly has a short haircut, and is wearing a man's tuxedo and looks like one of the "Time Warp" party guests from "Rocky Horror". Why?????? The young guy who played the devil-playboy mansion owner in the last segment looks like an effeminate/annoying David Cassidy. The first story about the organ theft mansion was the only one here that actually had some creepy moments. The best thing about this movie is, it really MOVES. Never a dull moment, and as a LOT of grade Z exploitation and horror flicks get bogged down with long scenes of dialog with no action, Night Train To Terror never stops (till the train crashes at the end). I would love to see an interview with whoever assembled this mutilated, wonderful mess of a movie. What a shame that the current state of exploitation is totally geared to the "Saw" / "Scream" viewing crowd, and as such, is mechanical, predictable and silly. Has Quentin Tarantino seen "Night Train To Terror" ??

Man, is this a fine slice of fetid, aromatic eighties cheese or what? An anthology movie made from three films edited down, with added gore and effects, linked together by segments involving God and the Devil on a train, trading souls while a typical eighties band plays a song about how everyone's got something to do (except you). Great stuff. The stories themselves are fine too, probably because of all the added blood and gore (and possibly the removal of all the boring bits). The first story involves a man who has been brainwashed into kidnapping people who are then tortured, cut up, and sold onto universities. Sure, it's daft, but way over the top in the gore and nudity stakes, so who's complaining? It's quite nasty, this one. I have no idea what the original film was called. Your second story here is a diluted version of a film called Death Wish Club, which I've heard of but never seen. This involves two young lovers trying to escape the influence of an evil gangster who doesn't want the girl to be free, and ropes (sometimes literally) the two into joining the Death Wish Club, where folks dice with death (rather graphically). Another winner here, although the ending is a bit abrupt and unresolved. I'd read that the stop motion bug thing was added later. Last and lengthiest is an edit of 'The nightmare never ends', another one I'd heard of but haven't seen. We have a Catholic surgeon and her husband, who has just written a book called 'God is Dead'. Meanwhile, you've got Cameron Mitchell on the trail of a seemingly immortal guy called Olivier, who seems linked to some gory murders (courtesy of some hilarious new footage). Olivier wants to recruit the surgeon's husband to work for Satan, but it's obvious to everyone within a 300 mile radius that the guy who doesn't believe in God isn't going to believe in Satan either, stupid. I'm guessing that The Nightmare Never Ends was a bit tame in the killings stake, as the new footage involves a stop motion demon stomping on badly animated people. I liked it and found it creepy in places. The wraparound segment is a hoot too – how can you dislike a film with such a cheesy pop song running through it. This film is daft as hell and a lot of fun. What more do you want from a film? Look – if you're even looking at a review of a film called Night Train to Terror, I'm guessing you're probably not on the lookout for socio-political subtext and meaningful studies of the human condition. What you get here is beheadings, Lycra, sweatbands, *, faces exploding, demons, people melting. It's the kind of film where all is good in the world.

The structure and intelligence-level of this hopeless little gem is so dumb it almost becomes legendary. Here we have God and Satan themselves sitting in train, discussing whether a few bizarre characters belong in hell… or in heaven. This aspect provides the film with the most bizarre wraparound story ever used in a horror anthology. You could say it's very original and creative (and in a way, it IS) but, due to the amateurish and silly style used here, it becomes unintentionally hilarious and pathetic. But you can't really claim that the creators of Night Train haven't got a sense of humor…God is credited as ‘himself' and a guy named as Lu Cifer supposedly plays Satan. Hahahahaha… nice try! The separate stories surely have potential! Which isn't that surprising because they're actually edited from full-length movies! Completely ignored 80's quickies like `Death wish Club' and `Cataclysm' that never received any recognition. Especially the first two short stories are enjoyable (and very gore) but the final episode more or less ruins the whole film. That last one is twice as long (or at least, it felt like it was) and it's utterly boring and uninspired. Try to look at this film as a perfect example of bad acting and – most of all – as a filthy piece of 80's trash! The make-up and shlock effects are truly nasty and gruesome (we see people getting slashed their heads off and sliced apart with a bone saw) and the creature-effects (like the beetle in `Death Wish Club) give a whole new meaning to the word `cheese-fest'. Very fun…without any other values what so ever.

This is a grab bag of a movie, with all sorts of things to offer as long as you don't expect to see a conventional film in any way, shape, or form. It has gore, nudity, bondage, humor, stupid stuff, smart stuff, and everything in between, AND MORE! I had to cut loose with this one, it's so much weird fun. I have to wonder what it would be like to watch this one on any kind of drugs. What we have is a train carrying a kitschy 1980s new wave band doing some hilariously dated vintage-MTV-style routines. Also on board are God and "Mr. Satan", who are engaged in competition for souls of some other people supposedly on the same train. (Of note also is the small role of the conductor, who has some cool, darkly humorous dialogue.) We get to see the cases of the people whose souls for which God and Satan are vying for, which, in actuality, are three different movies (the unfinished movie "Scream Your Head Off", "Death Wish Club", and "Cataclysm") cut down to size for your warped, brain-numbing enjoyment. Two of these entries feature Charles (a.k.a. Richard, or "Bull" from "Night Court") Moll! My favorite of all the stories is definitely the one that was culled from "Scream Your Head Off", which would've been a cool movie if they would have been able to complete it. What a shame! I swear Richard Moll makes for one memorable psycho in that one. Another thing I love is what God has to say about rock n' roll music! I tell you, if God were this cool, I'd be in church everyday! I dig this whole paste-up movie, as you can tell. It's this wild overload of stimuli, like they were just taking everything weird and off-the-wall they could think of and tossing it into one big, freaky mixing bowl. I admit the "Cataclysm" entry is more sluggish, but it's interesting in a lot of its own ways. (I love the on-air speech Moll gives: "What I'm about to say will cause you pain...") I am glad I was able to find this forgotten extravaganza of stylishly bad cinema for only two dollars, because it is loads of wacky fun.

Say what you will about cocaine, but it got a lot movies greenlit in the '80s. Apparently, a lot of them didn't get finished and here are three that would have otherwise been lost forever, dragged into a hole in the ground by a stop-motion spider demon. This movie is a lot of fun and even shows touches of brilliance. Overall, it's a fine curiosity and perfect viewing with friends who love cinematic oddities. It maybe crap, but it's more entertaining than most big-budget Hollywood movies I've seen recently. You have to see this movie to believe it. As stated before, a highlight is the stop-motion animation that pops up from time to time. There is a deadly "Beetle" that looks more like a big wasp that stalks members of the "Death Wish Club," and a big demon statue that comes to life and kills a mop-headed kid in the third story. Then, a big spider monster comes out of the ground to drag a monk down to Hell. Fun, fun, fun!