Netherbeast Incorporated

source: Netherbeast Incorporated

Good cast. Original story. Funny moments. It just doesn't quite get to its potential. I can't even put my finger on why.

A lot of comedy movies suffer from the problem is that they are built on one joke, which they drag out for 90 minutes. This is probably Netherbeast's flaw. the plot is that a company that only employs vampires was set up in the 1880's to give them a safe place to work. So there is the juxtaposition of typical office life jokes in the vein (no pun intended) of "The Office" or "Dilbert" against the fact that they are all vampires.... ha ha. The nerdy hero vampire is smitten with the new human hire who was brought on board by the CEO, who is suffering from Vampire Alzheimer's and has forgotten he is a vampire. Meanwhile, there is a scheme going on in the office for a few vampires to make themselves more powerful. It's a fun little film.

This was alright, but you're not missing anything. I was torn between 4-5 for this one, since it felt like it was *so close*. Coming off of a vampire-office-comedy kick with Bloodsucking Bastards (good) and The Night Watchmen (not good), I was excited for Netherbeast Inc. I didn't have high expectations, but it seemed quirky and fun as it's a different take on the idea by theming it around a pro-vampire office environment. It had a really strong/fun opening and a surprisingly recognizable cast. Jason Mewes showing up caught me off guard for sure, but he played a pretty mundane character and didn't bring his usual raunchy-schtick with him. Contrary to other reviews, I didn't mind their voice-over narration style they used to explain the "rules" of the monsters. I thought it was kind of quirky and it felt like an office meeting with PowerPoint. The office humor was spot-on and a very deadpan depiction of corporate environments. Overall, though, it just fell flat: The comedy dwindled and became repetitive. The mystery wasn't very mysterious. They spent so long clarifying that the "nether beasts" weren't like classic vampires that I would have had a better time if they just committed to that and didn't mention the V-word at all. With all the stuff they over-explained, they had some pretty big gaps in logic with a few key things they didn't explain at all or well enough to make sense. Its not terrible, it just felt pretty sub-par. I liked the idea, I liked some of the humor, but it just didn't get there. Its got a lot of 6+ reviews, which is surprising, but it must hit the spot for a lot of people.

Darrell Hammond is really, really good in this as a smooth talker, and much of it is KIND OF funny/quirky. It had a lot of potential, but this movie commits 3 cardinal sins. 1. They directly contradicted everything commonly known about vampires and they did it with impunity, in this smartassed matter-of-fact kind of way from a really annoying voice. It is possible to do this to an extent at the beginning to set the "rules" for the world. But continually sarcastically making fun of and contradicting the very fundamentals of vampire folklore is NOT ON. If common vampire rules are so "wrong" then maybe they should quit thinking of themselves as "vampires" to begin with, it's not what they call themselves. 2. What the hell is with this using Alexander Graham Bell? My perception of Bell will forever be tainted by this nonsense. Bell did not agree to his name and image being used like this, I think it's so unfair to do this to a deceased person. I rarely even like watching fictional depictions of real people like for instance Darwin, because I cannot trust the depiction of it, but this is just ridiculous. 3. They should have done all the narration and backstory at the start, not continually narrated throughout the whole thing and continually butchering your perception of vampires by pretending these were anything like vampires.

I really found the story to this film interesting. You see a lot of vampire movies out there and the vampires are usually all the same or have a lot in common. This is a strange take on vampires. They have about 10% in common with vampires you usually hear about and it is a bit humorous that they all live in a business building that is one of the highest grossing businesses. You can also say they are a little like a vampire zombie mix. The cast is OK. Some better than others. You will see side characters like Robert Wagner or Jason Mewes. Darrell Hammond is one of the head vampires, but his acting was a little off. The 80s star Judd Nelson is in it and he was OK. I always liked him better in his teen days though. Dave Foley is hard to take seriously, but in this role, he kind of fit. The main role was Steve Burns and I think he did a great job. The one thing I enjoyed about this film was the dialog. It really had some catchy words that you can sit and love to listen to. Explanations of how the vampires came to be would be a good example. So overall, it was an enjoyable movie. The only really problems were some slow parts and part of the cast that really didn't seem into it.

A bloodsucking corporation is nothing new, but a corporation full of blood suckers is interesting and really quite funny. There were really not outstanding performances in this film, although Amy Davidson was cute as the human hire in the corporation. Most of the cast contributed to the humor, so it was a group effort. The PowerPoint's throughout were really funny and added to the comedic atmosphere of the film. The corporation is dealing with a CEO with Alzheimer's, while a hostile takeover is happening. It was definitely a different approach to the vampire story.

This fun satire gives us a look behind the closed doors of Berm-Tech Industries, a phone manufacturing corporation based in Arizona. What we find is an office of eclectic characters who are all "netherfolk", which should not be confused with "vampires". These netherfolk just want to live in peace, even though they admit they are dead and do need to eat human flesh and drink blood. No worries though because they have connections so they are always well- stocked. The story revolves around the manager, Turner Claymore, played wonderfully deadpan by SNL alum Darrell Hammond, who comes down with a form of netherfolk Alzheimers, known as the Retardations. This tragic disease causes him to forget that he and his fellow workers are all netherfolk. The movie starts with him staking co-worker Mike, when he "discovered" he was a vampire. Later he brings in a corporate productivity analyst, played by Judd Nelson, and also hires a human named Pearl, played by Phoenix-native hottie Amy Davidson, to take over Mike's position. The movie is told from the point of view of Otto Granberry, played by Steve Burns -- yes Steve of Blues Clues fame. I laughed when I caught a glimpse of the signature blue paw- print on his desk in one scene. I may have to watch it again to see if these were anywhere else. He and Pearl start a small office romance, which was full of awkward innocent goofiness. The plot, like the blood, thickens when other employees go missing as does the source of their unnatural power, the Netherstone. I won't try to explain this one. Not that it might spoil the plot, and not that it reeks of a Deus Ex Machina. It is a creative plot device and I'll just sound like I have the Retardations if I try to explain it. Speaking of exposition, there is a lot of it in the movie since the netherfolk are not really vampires. I thought it was fun and familiar, like the interjections of Douglas Adams' Hitch-hiker's Guide to The Galaxy, or like a typical corporate Powerpoint presentation. This clever comedy never stoops to camp nor shock to get laughs. There are some heavy- handed one-liners scattered throughout the film. Oh, and scrotum-engineering jokes. There's very little gore, and what is there is cartoonish in its subtlety. If I have any complaints it is that Dave Foley is underutilized as Henry, and Jason Mewes (snoogans!) is relegated almost to a cameo role as "Waxy" Dan Paraffin. The real cameo by Robert Wagner as President James Garfield is cute and ties everything up in a nice little bow. All in all this is a refreshing look at the vampires of corporate America. It makes me even more proud to know the producers, Dean and Brian Ronalds, are local brothers who filmed the whole movie in and around Phoenix. At the Q&A that followed the showing, they announced that the DVD will be released Dec. 9, 2008, and I will definitely pick this one up.

Just finished watching Netherbeast Incorporated and well...it had a few moments. It star's a pretty well-stocked cast and a moderate budget. The general plot is a re-invention of the vampire, and the movie spends about 1/3 of it's time explaining just what they are. For one thing, they're not that different than normal people...except for the fact that well...they eat normal people to survive. The Netherbeasts, as they like to be called, spend their lives in a corporate building, protected from the outside world. It's kind of like Office Space for vampires. They do office work...except they don't retire after 30 years...for some of them it goes on for several decades. Their current lifestyle is in danger from outside sources which is actually more of a sub-plot to their everyday normal office lives. The problem I had was that the majority of the jokes just fell flat. Whereas I had a few chuckles, they were all delivered dead-pan without any enthusiasm whatsoever. I understand they're portraying the boring office life, and that these netherbeasts are in somewhat of a rut having the same routine for decades at a time, but the delivery of the humor should have been more engaging. The main story is really just kind of going on in the background while a forced romantic story is developing...and the rest of the cast just enters screen to say their lines and walk off. The acting was pretty sub-par, and the lines in general had a scripted sound...the sort where they literally just read it before the director said action. It had it's funny moments, but from the cast involved I just kinda expected better. For all the actors and comedians I recognized this was probably their worst work that I've personally seen. I wouldn't say avoid this movie, but I wouldn't be rushing out on release day to grab it. If you're more into a small budget, mild dark-comedy, somewhat laggy feeling film...give it a go.

Netherbeast is a good example of why some ideas have to be made as independent films. First, its story isn't interesting enough to appeal to general audiences. Second, the quality of the movie is pretty bad for a few reasons. I hoped it would be better considering the cast had a couple of people I'd actually heard of in it and it was billed as a comedy. Although it tries to be slapstick-y a couple of times nothing seems to work. The jokes just aren't funny and most of the dialog is flat or very forced. Robert Wagner plays the president and adds nothing special to the role that an unknown actor could have. In Dave Foley's scenes, he seems like he has nothing to do. The non-marquee actors are awkwardly unnatural. Steve Burns does the best of anyone in the cast with what he was given, but is still not enough to make this entertaining. The movie's concept, which is told from inside a group of exiled 'mutants', is not done in any way that is new. The main plot, which I guess is closest to a who-done-it, is pretty weak too, is short on clues and has an ending that is really telegraphed. Netherbeast does a lot of explaining to make up for a lack of real story-telling, mainly relying on the tired voice-over treatment to do it. It doesn't do a good job of making the viewer care about what is being said or why they should care. With the writing, acting and production quality of the film itself, the whole thing seems more amateurish, like a student film, more than an indy picture. I'd recommend skipping it.