Mortuary

source: Mortuary

Gave it 2 stars only because of Paxton's performance. Everyone else and the story is forgettable..

Ugh. What a disaster. If this was the first movie of his I had seen, I'd make a point never to watch another. Paxton plays a psycho who embalms people alive. Anything else I say is just going to drag this movie down. It's rating of 50% (of 900) on IMDb is reason enough to never trust user ratings. Rotten Tomato is a little more accurate at 17% (of 5000). It's a terrible movie that wouldn't even make a good drinking game. The acting (even Paxton's) is terrible. The lighting is terrible. The music is terrible. The only noteworthy thing I can think of, is every 'official' blurb summary of the movie I've read online is different, and they're all incorrect. It's like not even the reviewers wanted to watch this (also; co-written by Miss Universe 1961). If anyone ever told me their favorite actor was Bill Paxton, I would say "Really? Mortuary? Are you sure?" At least now I'm pretty sure Titanic won't be the worst one to come.

Ah, the glorious 1980's... A nearly inexhaustible source of anonymous and super-cheesy horror movies that are often too atrocious to even mention. "Mortuary", not exactly blessed with the most unique title, is such a long and righteously forgotten movie that will immediately disappear from your memory again as soon as it finishes. This is textbook high-school horror, with an absurd plot, clichéd twists and only occasionally a gross make-up effect. Although this film has ONE little extra surprise, namely a very young and geeky-looking Bill Paxton in the supportive cast of teenagers! He now probably tries to forget he ever appeared in this thing and I wouldn't really blame him. Anyway, the titular mortuary is located in a small village and run by a spooky guy who also organizes macabre séances in his basement for some reason. A couple of teenagers with way too much free time on their hands begin to suspect that the undertaker and his cult of black-caped housewives are responsible for a series of unsolved murders committed in town. What a totally pointless film, this is. Okay, I blame myself for anticipating zombie-action (the title and video cover mislead me completely), but even as a slasher movie this is a total waste of time! The only moments worth mentioning are the ones where bodies get embalmed and prepared for burial. But they're dead already, so what's the point of that? Exactly like the unrelated 2005 Tobe Hooper film with the same title, "Mortuary" is a total dud and not at all recommended.

MORTUARY is a typical low budget B-movie horror flick of the early 1980s, more cheesy than effective and certainly never scary. It's a bit boring, actually, and pales in comparison compared to similar fare from the era (such as the excellent and underrated ONE DARK NIGHT). It's chiefly of note for featuring a youthful and skinny Bill Paxton who does an entertaining job in a minor debut performance, as well as the great Christopher George in what would be his final role before his untimely death. There are lots of spooky shenanigans in a funeral home and a few gore scenes here and there, but the boring protagonists and Scooby Doo-style plot antics make it a bit of a patience tester.

I don't think that I ever got around to watching this movie back in my younger years, even as an avid horror fan back then. I had a chance to sit down and watch it now late in 2016. I must admit that I didn't initially have any particularly high hopes for it, granted the fact that it was a 1983 slasher movie - as to what I understood from the synopsis. But having grown up with slasher movies, then I at least wanted to see what this movie was all about. Let's just say that I didn't even make it to the ending of the movie before I had given up out of sheer boredom. "Mortuary" was painfully slow-paced and lacked anything even remotely thrilling. And it's storyline was essentially as fulfilling as trying to giftwrap emptiness. For a slasher movie then "Mortuary" was anything but interesting or entertaining. It was, at best, a half-hearted attempt at a horror / slasher movie. Compared to movies such as "Friday the 13th" and "Nightmare on Elm Street" it was just an embarrassing movie to sit and bear witness to. The movie was lacking a proper storyline to lure in the audience and keep you nailed to the seat, and it was this that lead me to give up and move on to watch another movie. As for the acting, well I will say that people were doing adequate enough jobs with the limitations imposed on them in terms of a flawed storyline and lack of proper script. And it was fun, I will say that much, to see a very young Bill Paxton in a movie such as this. "Mortuary" is not entertaining, and I can honestly say that I will not ever be returning to this movie in order to finish the last half of the movie. It just failed to entertain me on any level, and there is nothing worthwhile to be experienced here. If you enjoy a proper slasher movie, then there are more than plenty to pick from, especially if you have a thing for 1980's movies.

The movie itself was really quirky and slow... but it's definitely worth the watch to see what a young Bill Paxton does with the material. The most nostalgic thing however about this old film (credits say 1981) is that there are a few scenes from a roller rink named Skating Plus. Just for giggles after the film I happened to google it to see if any old photos existed. Turns out the rink is still in business and is in Ventura. They have FB & IG as well. What is bizarre is that there is no mention of the rink in the credits even though a lot of footage was shot there. Really cool to see the dated lingo and outfits of the early 80s too. Definitely worth a watch.

Rating- 3*** stars out of 5 Adequte horror film from the notorius executive producer Edward Montoro who finaced this film. Christopher Geroge is in his sad last performance as a man who runs a mortuary. Here his son (Bill Paxton) goes on a killing spere. Yes the dead will rise! Also in it is George's wife Lynda Day George who was also in many other films with her including this one, Day of the Animals, Chisum and many others. also has Mary McDoughen and David Wallace. But the music is the one and only thing I hate about this movie. This was Montoro's last film to finace before he suddenly disapered off the Earth. Montoro was also credited with three of other Lynda Day and Christopher George's films- Grizzly, and Day of the Animals. George died shortly after the films release from a heart attack.

After her father's mysterious death Christy suffers from sleepwalking and night terrors.Making things worse,no one beliefs her claims of a ghoul faced killer lurking in the shadows.When she learns her mother is in a coven of witches,Christy begins to distrust everyone in her life.It's up to Christy's boyfriend to save her from the hands of crazed embalmer played by Bill Paxton,who looks like black metal musician.Fairly decent slasher flick with several jolts of suspense and gruesome deaths.Not a lot of blood and gore,but plenty of breasts both living and cadaver to enjoy.The ending is kind of quick after all the build up,but it is also pretty surprising.Fans of early 80's slasher flicks should give this one a try.

Before your funeral...Before you are buried...Before you are covered with the last shovelful of dirt...Be sure you are really dead! Ha ha, wise words there by the marketing men behind MORTUARY. All joking aside, it's a very good bit of advice; I certainly would like to be absolutely certain I'M dead before I'm buried anywhere. MORTUARY is not a bad little '80's number. Pretty watchable; Mr George is as good as ever in what turned out to be, sadly, his final film, or cinematic epitaph. I liked the use of Mozart in this film; it helped soothe my jangling nerves during some of the more nastier moments. The only thing that really disturbed me about my MORTUARY viewing experience was how I woke up naked by the end credits; I have no idea how this happened as I was fully clothed when I fell asleep.