Microwave Massacre

I thought, when I bought this, 'hmm, this looks interesting.' The idea of a comedy with someone microwaving women and eating them sounds quite interesting, it's just to bad that it's really badly, written, acted, shot, directed, etc. it's just full of cheesy sleazy stuff but the whole thing is done to cheaply, if they had put some money into some nice gory effects this might have been quite entertaining to the gore conasour. But unfortunatly the only thing that you have to entertain you is the humour, which is very base but occationally funny. It certainly wasn't worth the £15 that I paid for it, except for the fact I don't think I'll ever see another copy of it again, and a re-release looks very unlikely, thank god! Very bad taste but it doesn't manage to make it work in a good way. 3/10

Man, I wish I had a time machine to go back to the early 80s when anyone with twenty-five bucks and five hours to kill can make a movie. There's no real reason to see this, or even review this…so if this takes me more than another few minutes, I'll cut it off mid-stream. Basically, I saw the VHS box at the local video store as a kid and wasn't allowed to see horror/R-rated movies. I'm trying to fill in all the gaps as an adult…but, maybe my parents were right. This microwave "movie" was made just to capitalize on the microwave boom around the early 80s – I remember when we got our first one, of course it was much smaller than the 10'x10' one featured in this "film." The "movie" has almost nothing to do with the microwave and more about a guy fed up with his wife's cooking so he kills her, eats her and then does the same to more women. This "project" is supposed to be a sex-romp comedy first with some horror thrown in. Admittedly, one gag – the TV episode – worked and I did laugh. The rest, not so much. Luckily, I found this free on Youtube, and even that price was too high. Someone please report it for copyright infringement so no one else has to suffer. *** Final thoughts: Day 20 Movie in the Can! I'm watching a NEW-2-ME horror movie every day of October 2016 and this one makes me doubt watching any more "new-2-me" horror movies. Fortunately, it's only 76 minutes, but you'll feel every bit of those.

Okay, first off, this is quite possibly the worst movie that I've ever seen. It makes Ed Wood (R.I.P.) movies look like the best movies out there. The movie follows a construction worker named Donald as he kills his wife when he is mad at her and accidentally eats some of her flesh while looking for a snack. He loves the taste, so he goes out and kills more girls and eats them, occasionally sharing the new meat with his friends. They don't know its human meat, but they like it so Donald keeps giving them the meat. Okay, and as for the ending, I thought it made sense, but it was still funny. I won't reveal it, but trust me, you will never have guessed what happens. The special effects are horrible, but I find myself laughing at these more than the jokes in the movie. I love bad SFX, and this one takes the cake in the bad special effects department. Bravo Microwave Massacre. So see it if you can find it, and if you can't find it, get a bootleg. Its worth it if you like bad movies.

Yes, this movie is really horrible. Really really bad. The main man reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield who has taken too many sleeping pills. This guy is totally out of it the entire time, he can barely keep his eyes open. But he has that cute little New England accent and body build that ol' Rod has. Made me wanna jump around and hit stuff. My favorite character is definitely the Black buddy of our main man. This guy is so weird. First of all, we are introduced to him trying to snap to a beat. He can't do it, he doesn't understand how you "feel the music". From then on, the guy's lines are delivered like he is reading them very slowly and articulately, straight from the page. He pronounces every word like he's trying to sound really smart. But the thing is, he is saying very dumb things. So it makes a great contrast that leaves you a little confused as to what this guy's deal is. He was the only possible thing in this movie that allowed me to enjoy myself. The rest of the movie is so dumb - pure idiocy. Brainless idiocy. The giant microwave is pretty sweet, though. I have never seen such a huge microwave. Honestly, I didn't think the wife deserved to die. She might have been a bad cook, but she was kind of funny and seemed at least a little nice. It's the husband that was the big jerk. The big idiot. Why would anyone care that they can't pick up their food with their hands? I thought that spinach dish looked pretty good, myself. haha 2/10 - worth seeing only if you're really bored.

My friend and I got bored last night so we decided to watch a movie my Dad had bought for me from a yard sale. 3 guesses what movie it was. Anywho. Right off we knew it was bad. And then I realized I had heard about this movie from badmovies.org. Lauren and I are strange, I think. We enjoyed the movie. We laughed and cried. We cried because it was so painful to watch, but enjoyable at the same time, go figure! This is definitely a party movie to lighten the mood. Maybe have a some finger food around for atmosphere *grin*

Described by its original DVD distributor as "The Worst Horror Movie of All Time", this 1983 black comedy doesn't quite live up to that promise, but it's a close thing. The painted cover art is fantastic, and typically unrepresentative of the lousy content of the film. Donald (Jackie Vernon) is a depressed, disillusioned construction worker who returns each evening to his frumpy, nagging wife, May (Claire Ginsberg). She feels she doesn't get the gratitude she deserves for "slaving away" at her new microwave all day. One night Donald snaps and murders May. Naturally, the only way he can destroy the evidence is by cooking and eating her. He gets a taste for it (excuse the pun) and thus begins enticing ladies of the night back to his suburban home. He cooks them and feeds them to his insatiable, ignorant co-workers. Donald is free and he's impressing his new best buddies. What can possibly stop his campaign of cannibalism? Vernon was a stand-up with a distinctive deadpan style, which is entirely incongruous with the farcical events of this story. Combined with the film's weirdly languid pace and Leif Horvath's eerie electronic score, it's quite an unsettling experience – although this is mostly due to it being an outright tonal disaster, rather than any controlled sense of atmosphere. With the humour and delivery of a 70s sketch show, it's a movie badly in need of canned laughter, if only to inform us of when we're supposed to laugh. Genuine humour comes in the briefest of snatches: Donald's encounter with Dr Van der Fool (Ed Thomas), who doesn't know which side the heart is on; or the scene where May's sister stops by and Donald has to prop May's disembodied head in the bed to pretend she's still alive ("She looks awful pale..."). It's a movie of a mercifully bygone era in which all the women are nags or sluts, although this is par for the course in trash horror of the time. What the flesh sandwich lacks is a juicy layer of satire. Given that the microwave was just becoming a household essential in the 80s, promising the death of the conventional cooker, this has to go down as an opportunity missed – we get none of the consumerist satire of The Stuff, nor the grotesque farce of the more enjoyably outrageous Street Trash. Microwave Massacre just about claws its way into the midnight movie slot through a certain uniqueness and, frankly, its brevity (it comes in at around 75 minutes). But it's more of a freak-out than a fun time.

I love horrible movies. I always wonder, "What's my limit? How bad can it get to make me hate a movie?" The new barometer for bad has been found and it is Microwave Massacre. Donald (Jackie Vernon, a raunchy comedian who was also the voice of Frosty the Snowman, which still kind of blows my mind) works construction by day and has another job by night: dealing with his wife. She keeps cooking gourmet foods that all come out bad and he yearns for the bologna and cheese sandwiches that his co-workers are chowing down on. Then, his wife buys a gigantic microwave, which makes even worse meals. Our hero, such as he is, comes home and loses his temper about all the bad meals and ends up killing his wife. He doesn't remember any of it the next morning as he has a big hangover. He starts cutting up his wife's body and rolling it in foil. Once he accidentally eats some, he learns how delicious she is. And oh yeah, her head is still alive. Soon, he's sharing the meat with his friends and starts killing prostitutes to make more of his secret recipe. Of course, all this cooking leads to a heart attack. And a visit by his wife's sister, who he has to tie up and gag with bread. Of course, all good - or bad, this movie is Troma level bad - things must come to an end. Donald dies of a heart attack, the pacemaker in his chest canceled out by the microwave, which still has May's living head inside. The box art is amazing. That's the nicest thing I can say. Otherwise, it's a painful exercise in puerile humor and poor effects. Watch with caution.

Construction worker Donald (Jackie Vernon) is having a hard time getting anything good to eat since his wife has decided to only cook gourmet foods. That and her constant harping cause him to snap, and he whacks her. Somewhere in the confusion he comes up with a new use for the microwave oven, and begins to eat much better. Soon he's experimenting with different recipes. And different meats. AllMovie wrote, "Despite utterly failing as comedy, horror and *, Microwave Massacre is grotesque enough in design and attitude to be fascinating, much like a car accident." That summary is perfect. "Microwave Massacre" is bad in almost every way, especially Vernon's acting. But there are some funny scenes and jokes that make it worthwhile. The drive-through scene is especially humorous, and for those who know Vernon mostly as Frosty the Snowman's voice, this will twist what you think of Frosty. Now, maybe not too much should be expected for a film with a budget under $100,000. But it does make for interesting shooting techniques -- saving money by using Mickey Dolenz's house as a set, and having Robert Burns (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE) do art direction for only $1,000. Burns, who also appears as a homeless man, was referred to the film by no less a figure than Wes Craven. So that might make this film's background a bit more interesting... The producers originally wanted Rodney Dangerfield, but ended up with Jackie Vernon. His acting is awful, and actually the worst thing about the film, but he does offer a few ad libs. Would Dangerfield have been better? Yes, no doubt. Luckily, the other actors -- especially the two construction workers -- are excellent actors. Except, of course, this only further points out how bad Vernon is. How this has become a "cult classic" is beyond me. Is it the gratuitous addition of topless women? Is it Jackie Vernon? Or is it one of those so-bad-it's-good types of things? I love bad movies as much as anyone, but for me this really is not one of the great forgotten gems. Regardless, Arrow Video has done what they do best and put their heart and soul into making this as good as it can be. There is a brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative, which looks pretty good for such a low budget film. There is a brand new audio commentary with writer-producer Craig Muckler, moderated by Mike Tristano, with plenty of stories about Wes Craven, "Phantasm", Jill Schoelen, "Creature From the Black Lagoon" and more. This is really the best part of the disc. (Because Muckler has certain phrases he uses a lot, the commentary would make a great drinking game.) Lastly, we have "My Microwave Massacre Memoirs" a new making-of featurette including interviews with Muckler, director Wayne Berwick and actor Loren Schein. Although brief, it does expound on Muckler's commentary a bit and is worth a watch.

This movie simply sucks. Everything about this movie is incredibly bad. Well, not all the camera work, I guess. But the rest. ALL the rest. Nothing makes much sense or seems natural. The jokes range from stupid to extremely stupid, and none are funny at all. The acting (acting?) is bad, and not in a funny way. Every scene seems to be the first take. Some of the scenes are way too long, so that the dialogue comes off as even worse and more unnatural than it could have been, with just a few cuts. The dialogue is atrocious. If this movie was filmed all in one take, with no professional actors, heck, no professionals what so ever, and no script, all improvised, then I would maybe forgive it. The best thing about this stinker is the topless women. But even that comes with a bad aftertaste, as all the women are there just to be sexy. They are pretty hot, but come on. This is clearly from another time, when sexism wasn't much of a subject. Had this movie been entertaining I would have given it a higher score. I don't do the 'so-bad-it's-good'-thing. If a movie is "bad", but still entertains me, I think it's good. But this crappy s**t is not entertaining. It's a total fail. The short run time is the only reason I finished watching it, it's 1 hour 16 minutes. With about 2 minutes of credits. But I had to take some breaks. I think it's one of the worst movies I've seen.

Picture in your mind how the actor who did the voice of Frosty the Snowman might have looked. Now imagine that guy having dry-hump sex with random hookers ('Frosty' grunts and groans included), killing and dismembering them, and then cooking them up in the world's most ridiculously huge microwave oven. Or, you can skip that mental exercise and rent this film. MICROWAVE is light on actual gore but the one-liners are so corny and wooden you'll have plenty of blood shooting from your ears in no time. Here's an example: "I call this dish 'Peking Chick'" WOW. 60-year old Jackie Vernon as the lead delivers his lines with Teddy Ruxpin-like painful deliberateness and all the charisma and sexiness of creamed beef at the senior center buffet. Vernon was a comedian with a trademark deadpan style but he's matched to a script with the comedic depth of a DVD Player's instruction manual. Throw in some editing that appears to have been done with a lighter and a can of hairspray and Vernon doesn't have a chance of making this one funny. MICROWAVE features a few ridiculous gags and setups, like a naked girl who gets slathered with mayo, covered with a giant piece of wonder bread and then sawed in half. It tries to be fun and light yet is so completely inept it can't even manage self-deprecation without revealing it's low IQ. It's like when the fat kid intentionally trips in gym class to make everyone laugh but ends up hurting himself for real. You don't know whether to laugh, feel sorry for him, or heck, give him a good kick while he's already down. My money is on door number 3. Definitely in the "so bad it's good" universe of films and requires a number of intoxicants coupled with a complete absence of self-respect to wade through.