Machete Kills

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I honestly do not know how to compare Machete Kills (sequel) to Machete (original). They were both so well put together. Trejo has been my favorite actor of all times and I am an enormous Robert Rodriguez film. I have seen all of his movies from El Mariachi trilogy and Road Racers to Grindhouse, Sin city, spy kids, you name it, I've seen it all. Machete Kills however is so over the top, so violent, so funny in a very creative Rodriguez way that I don't see how any action movie fan could resist watching it at least once. Machete Kills explores a completely different plot line from the original Machete. Personally I enjoy this movie for that reason because I'm not too big of a fan of repetition. Its also amazing how Robert Rodriguez always casts the most interesting actors together from Robert Deniro, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba to Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, and Carlos Estavos (also known as Charlie Sheen). So for anyone who loves Danny Trejo, Robert Rodriguez, or action movies in general, I highly recommend you do yourself a favor; ignore the low ratings for this movie and go buy tickets to check out Machete Kills for yourself. (Especially when the review is written by a critic who hasn't's even seen either of the movies and doesn't understand Grindhouse exploitation films.)

This is a poorly written sequel to the original Machete, which, at least had a cohesive storyline. Rodriguez must have been high when he scripted this film. The only redeeming feature is Charlie Sheen; here billed as Carlos Estevez, as the whacked out president of the U.S. His moments are too few, however, and cannot save this mess. Danny Trejo is good as Machete, and Mel Gibson shows up as a James Bond like Dr. Evil nemesis. Michelle Rodriguez is back, as is Jessica Alba; but they are given little to do. Several badly staged gun battles fill up the screen and I was extremely disappointed, especially given my positive review of the first movie.

Can't believe its rating of 6 out of 10, this movie is utter rubbish. There are a lot of mixed reviews, as I suspect someone are paid for writing good reviews on poor titles. The movie simply sucks. The story was really poor and make no sense whatsoever. The acting is well below average - you can imagine with such cast they are probably paid peanuts to perform, so no wonder the "stars" aren't interested at all. If I knew it was so bad beforehand I would rather watch Coronation Street. I gave it a 2 purely for 2 reasons :- 1. the cast 2. Amber Heard (beautiful and hot)

Director Robert Rodriguez, who, along with Quentin Tarantino in other projects, revamps exploitation cinema to younger audiences while rekindling the drive-in genre for older folks, really wants Danny Trejo, the muscular Latino tough guy usually cast as villains or henchman/side characters, to be a big star… In fact, MACHETE KILLS is the second attempt… Trejo plays Machete Cortez, a Mexican police officer turned lethal spy wielding the titular weapon. He can never bite the dust and is more Jason Voorhees from Friday THE 13th than a worthy, vulnerable action hero protagonist... Without fearing death, and from being able to survive just about everything thrown his way, we're stuck with a grimacing "wraith" ambling from one dire situation to the next and, being fully aware he simply cannot be stopped, any and all suspense is gone… Not only that, but Machete's not even the main character… Well not really Saddled with a thoroughly annoying Mexico agent turned bad guy with a bomb strapped to his heart, there's so much vapidly rambling/wannabe Tarantino dialogue that Machete gets lost in the mix… He stands around with a dull scowl as a plethora of banal characters take over, from sexy sirens to a face-altering hit man/woman... Added to that is Mel Gibson's completely unoriginal world-dominating villain Luther Voz, who has the same ultimate plan as the James Bond MOONRAKER heavy – destroy the earth with a nuclear bomb, rocket into space with a group of pretty people to create a new, perfect world with him as ruler… What really makes MACHETE KILLS so tediously awful is the over-abundance of characters being shot and killed in a matter of seconds. Several folks actually have a speck of potential and are gunned down before being fully realized... Meanwhile, scores of innocent bystanders are pointlessly slaughtered, an obvious attempt to thrill a targeted cult audience that, whether it's clear to Robert Rodriquez or not, yearns for an intentionally bad "b-movie" that, like the ones we grew up on, had an actual plot to follow and worthy characters, real enough to root for.

If you've seen the first film, then you know what's coming in the sequel. The bizarre characters, ludicrous events, mundane acting. But despite that it works...well for the first film it did. Something about an old Mexican who lacks emotion and is an indestructible killing machine just works. But for the sequel, instead of giving the fans something new, they basically rehash everything. Machete talking about him self in the third person every 10 minutes becomes boring. And even in a film like this you would think that acting would maybe be a priority...But Charlie Sheen is (yet again) a farce and shadow of his former comedy self. We get it Charlie; you're a degenerate; a first class moron who has taken all the luxuries in life and snorted them up your nose. We get it...yayyyy, you're a low life...yayyy. But the fact you are now infamous, doesn't give you the ability to act; you are the Miley Cyrus of acting. Couldn't they find someone else, give someone else a platform. Now from the junkie woman beater to the deteriorating alcoholic Mel Gibson (yes..the same Mel Gibson who was in Lethal Weapon). A once extremely talented actor who drank his career away is now stuck with trying to make a name for himself with films which make fun of themselves. Coincidentally he does seem drunk throughout his part in the film. Yet somehow he is easily the most entertaining character. Wouldn't be hard considering they have Cuba Gooding Jnr and Antonio Banderas star for probably 3 minutes each. And just when you think it couldn't get any worse.....enter Lady Gaga. What is it with singers wanting to star in films? It is just pure greed; greed for more money,for more acceptance, for more screen time. Go away; go back to the stage and dress up in meat. You can't act Gaga. And with her introduction i just couldn't help but draw the comparison with the recent Scary Movies films. A franchise which is dying...in fact it died a long time ago. Machete was unique in ways, Machete Kills fails miserably and expect Machete Kills again..In Space to be along the lines of Scary Movie 5 in space...i know horrifying.

1. "Poor acting, poor dialogue, even worse actors. I didn't see the first one and will not see this one either." - DUH. This is what happens when one segment of society is bound and determined to shrink government so small that it can be drowned in a bathtub; things tend to get a bit, shall we say, dumbed-down. 2. "People who actually pay money to see these films are as brain-dead as the writer, director and producers of these films." - This, written about people who make a great living producing movies... written by someone who, based on the text of his review, probably has yet to achieve one accomplishment of note that even remotely compares to the production of just one movie. 3. "These remind me of the old Blacksploitation films in the 70s, only they are considerable lower budget and lower class." - Again, DUH. Uh, that was kind of the point, John Baggs. These movies are an HOMAGE (do the google) to 70s grindhouse and blacksploitation movies. The excessive scratching on the film stock? Intentional, to give the movie the "feel" of a 70s grindhouse/exploitation film. There are many other things in the movie that directly pay homage to the 70s films, and you can find these elements in many Rodriguez and Tarantino films. Since it reminded you of a 70s blacksploitation movie, I would say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED", and not "lower budget, lower class", etcetera. 4. "Honestly I can't think of a single good thing to say about it." - Since you didn't see EITHER of the Machete movies, yet insisted on commenting about them, I am not surprised that you are unable to say anything good about them. Generally, to develop an opinion (that matters), one must EXPERIENCE the subject at hand. I guess your parents didn't teach you that, "if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". If they had, perhaps you would not have commented and could be given the benefit of the doubt that you might be intelligent. 5. "Meth-Head Charlie, Crack-Head Danny, and Brainless Jessica. What a team. The three of the together couldn't make one good brain between them as evident of their acceptance to participate in this film, but then I guess when you are broke (or drugged out like Charlie, you'll do anything for money. " - Let's do the math, shall we? Charlie, Danny, Jessica.... many movie credits, many accomplishments in life, respectable bank accounts. John Baggs? Produces rambling, semi-literate "reviews" of movies that he has never seen, so that he can attack people who have actually succeeded in life. Sorry John, but the math doesn't add up in your favor. In summary, Machete Kills is exactly what it is advertised to be. It is an homage to 70s grindhouse and exploitation films. Why attempt apple v. orange comparisons between an intentional B movie, and Oscar-caliber films (that John Baggs probably hasn't seen either)? Why not just get some popcorn and enjoy it? (That means actually SEEING it, John)

First off, there's some really butt-hurt movie watchers whining about Machete kicking too much ass. Well, Machete don't act for butt-hurt nerds! Man, there was blood, guts, exploding heads, hot babes, and GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Everything you need for an awesome movie night with friends who actually have a sense of humor. Yes, this is a get stoned to the bone flick. Look, if you're into Grind House, disregard all the negative hater reviews on here. I put this one up there with the cheesiest of classic kung-fu movies. This is a movie that's all about having fun. It's a living breathing cartoon with buckets of violence. Don't forget the munchies, maaaaaaaan.