Lumberjack Man

lumberjack Man

I have nothing to spoil here because the story is bland, basic, and you've seen it before. What I will say is that this movie is one the strangest movies I've seen in many years. It's very anti-female, slicing and dicing young women relentlessly. It also features barely legal * stars who think they can act, dancing and prancing with their breast swinging in the air. Several scenes with ugly males hooking up with hot females, all of them showing T and A before they get decapitated, impaled, or whatever. And the girls totally look underage, which is either enticing or bothersome. Acting is high school level. Violence is sometimes dramatically approached, not comedic, and protracted and overdone. It makes the whole experience very odd. Several homosexual references made to both sexes. It's just a horrible movie. BUT, it will stay on my DVR only because of the eye-candy. Call me a hypocrite. 4 stars for the gorgeous young ladies. 0 for the movie. itself.

Hell breaks loose for a class of students on a camp trip when they are stalked by a masked killer. Watching this reminded me of two great classics: Sleepaway Camp and Texas Chainsaw Massacre but in the twentieth century version. The bad guy looks a little like Leatherface.(at allure). OK so the movie is stupid but fun. The girls are cute, the nudity is needed to attract the viewer, the killings were gross but original. I will keep it short, if it wasn't for the silly thing with the syrup perhaps the outcome could have been much better, why ruin all that effort from the actors for that dumb fact ? If you like a horror with a lousy ending then you might enjoy it. Watch it one night and you will not be 100% disappointed. I wasn't.

"Lumberjack Man" is a weird, boring stab at a horror comedy that is unsuccessful. Of course it's not funny in the least, but how many comedies are? The fact is that the comedic moments, if that's what they are, are handled so badly that they merely become confusing. It's not enough to throw in a joke here and there. There's also the matter of tone which allows a person to actually identify the joke and (maybe) laugh at it. "Lumberjack Man" has no tone. Nor does it really have a sense of place - the "summer camp" setting is a mainstay for both horror movies (Friday the 13th and its infinite number of rip-offs) and comedies (Meatballs, Happy Campers). But the filmmakers fail at establishing it as a believable place. It feels like most of the action takes place a few miles from the camp anyway. This vague sense of place doesn't help. The movie is, of course, also not scary in the least; it doesn't even really try to be, which is not a problem because no one sees a slasher movie expecting scares. What is a problem is the villain. I don't know what they were going for, but it's one of the least memorable villains I've ever seen in a slasher. It's the typical massive stunt man (and being big does not equal scary) with a face like a block of wood. The explanation for the killer's presence and how to do away with it is, I guess, where the humour comes in. Michael Madsen gives a monologue, complete with an animated sequence, to provide an explanation so moronically bizarre and out of step with everything else in the movie that I couldn't bare to pay attention. It has something to do with pancakes and syrup? This is where the problem with the tone comes in: it's nowhere near ridiculous enough to absorb a sequence like this into the rest of the movie. It doesn't make you laugh at the ridiculousness: it makes you shake your head at the weirdness, and then, of course, you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking, or even if they were. You start trying to formulate explanations for how the movie went so wrong. The ending, where this stupid origin story comes into play, is as badly done as you'd expect. I didn't know what was supposed to have happened, but I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, that it had no hope at all of ever being presented adequately by the people who made this movie. The movie does have quite a bit of nudity (all breast shots). It does the typical thing of having multiple pretty, likable actresses, none of whom provide the above shots. And, weirdly, when the ladies do disrobe, the movie turns into a sexy music video with different music, lighting, dancing. Of course, this only distracts you. As for the "kills", one is fairly memorable: the camp manager is cut in half at the waist, and watches his lower body run away from him.

Some decent kills completely ruined by horrible acting, dialog and lame attempts at humor. Avoid this one unless its just to goof on.

A group of Church Camp leaders are preparing for their child campers at Good Friends Church Camp near Big Timber State Park, Texas. Dr. Peter Shirtcliff (Michael Madsen) in on the trail of a monster of a man (Brandon Ford) who attacks this area every 30 years over a stolen flapjack recipe. The film is a spoof of 80's slasher films complete with blood, body parts, nudity, and irreverence. The church group is greeted by Theresa who was played by * star Andy San Dimas. The film has numerous pancake and flapjack references...that tie into the unseen twist ending which again spoofs 80's slasher films. Great fun film for cheese lovers. Guide: F-bomb, sex, and ample nudity. 10 stars for nudity and cheese. Not for everyone.

Totally lame pile of BS with the lamest back-story for a horror movie slasher! Michael Madsen... boy, I just lost a lot of respect for you. You're way too good for this low-budget piece of crap! There are so many things that just don't make sense. Now, I get that it's a dark comedy. Okay. I can accept some things. But others, just... um... hmmm - Like the extremely hot ranger chick (who looked way too young to be Ranger Chief - or whatever the heck her title was) who fires what seems to be a Rambo-sized amount of bullets from a 9 mm automatic handgun without ever reloading. And then... she is the ONLY character to be struck by one of Lumberjack Man's axes who actually lives. Now, that's not such a stretch, it's possible to survive an ax attack. BUT, she took the ax in the back - right in the spine - and then pulls it out by herself and, somehow, doesn't bleed to death! AND THEN - at the end, she's up and walking around. Whoa - WHAT? That spinal cord had to be severed, no doubt! And wasn't it enough that we had the hot, lead chick come out alive in the end? Why did we have to save the hot, blonde ranger chick, too? That's just a bit too much BS for me. However, I did give this 2 stars for all of the (.)(.) running around on set! Good job, Mr. Director. But, I'm just a little bummed out that we never got to see the heroin in all her glory... but I'll settle for the panties and bra. Very nice touch.

Going out to the woods, the counselors of a bible study camp find that the area is home to a demonic logger who is intent on tormenting anyone who comes into the area and forces them to try to find a way of ending his rampage before he kills them all. This here turned out to be quite the fun and highly enjoyable slasher/comedy effort. What really helps this one get quite a bit of fun here is the rather fun and goofy comedic nature of what's happening though it still maintains a pretty serious attitude overall. The comedy is mostly centered around the absurdity of what happens throughout here being treated with the utmost seriousness and straight-faced mentality, which is all about the obsession and singular-minded fascination the killer has with pancakes. Bringing them along with him to every kill he unleashes, the incessant manner of drenching them in the blood of his victims and having them constantly be a focus here in the film with the way they're almost always on-screen makes the film's focus on them seem all the goofier for all the time it's here, especially once it's all tied together with the explanation back-story that's so inherently goofy and silly that it becomes wholly enjoyable. As well, there's the other comedic virtues present here with the way this one treats the killer who tends to almost always treat the encounters here as there's a jokey quality they all react to him appearing before them. There's a great deal of laughs to come from how they all meet up with him thinking the entire set-up is a joke as well as the actual kill methods here that are carried out just absurdly that there's little not to like here. Even the fact that this is a Bible Camp means there's some fun times to come along here, with this going for the group blatantly ignoring the religious commandments for a wholly enjoyable time where it plays with many of the conventions here where it really enhances the sleaze and depravity that's to be expected around a film set in this kind of environment. Once all the fun is over, the fact that there's still some solid horror elements at play makes this one even better as the hulking killer comes off as a truly imposing figure, the numerous kills are quite creative and graphic enough to satisfy the true gore-hounds with how they get pulled off and it has some chilling stalking scenes that are pretty chilling even if they're somewhat played for laughs. The various stalking scenes in the woods come off rather nicely with the numerous confrontations throughout here which all manage to set-up the final massacre at the camp during the dinning hall sequence which is all sorts of fun with numerous kills, some great humor and thrilling action that comes along with how this one finally gets resolved which makes for a really enjoyable time. Even with all this fun stuff on-display there's a few minor negative points here with the big one being the overlong running time as there's no way this one should be over a hundred minutes. A lot of that is taking the absurdity and comedy to it's fullest potential, which in the end stretches out the comedy far more than it really needs to and making the film too long. As well, the comedy is a little too much for some which can lead to some bland watches with the fact that there's some utterly goofy stuff happening when it really doesn't need it. Otherwise this one here was a lot of fun. Rated R: Graphic Violence, Extreme Graphic Language, Nudity, some sexual content and drug use.

If you see this movie and like it, then your intelligence just won the second place after your pet dog. The movie is not horror neither comedy. The director tried to make a horror but eventually the horror scenes turned out to be hilarious. 1) The story - A man was murdered for recipe because he refused to disclose it and get rich as it was a family recipe. Hence he was murdered but later comes back from the grave, makes huge pancakes , carries them on a cart and kills people for no reason. Yes folks this is an actual story on which they made a movie. The story writer had no clue what he was supposed to write and must be high on something while he scribbled this crap. 2) Director - The director wanted to direct a * movie but someone forced him to direct this movie. His vision of horror is really pathetic and I hope he never ever tries to make a movie. 3) The actors - They deserve an Oscar really. I mean nobody in the movie had the slightest intent to act even a little. They cannot act. Two guys( that too one with receding hair pretending to be a college teen) and a bunch of girls ( whose looks and acting skills matches a * star) are collected from somewhere and told to do whatever they felt like. THIS MOVIE IS BAD, REALLY REALLY BAD. IT IS SO BAD THAT IF YOU SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND WAKE UP AFTER SOME TIME YOU WILL NOT EVEN MISS ANYTHING. THE KILLER KILLS A PERSON BY SMASHING HIS HEAD WITH A PANCAKE.. YES THIS IS SUCH A BAD MOVIE. I WILL REGRET LOOSING THE TIME BEHIND THIS MOVIE FOREVER.

Very like what was said with 'Knucklebones', have an appreciation for black comedy and horror (and just as much when mixed together) and the concept was kind of interesting. So although expectations were far from high, considering the general standard of low budget films seen recently, part of me was hoping that 'Lumberjack Man' would be at least tolerable. There are definitely worse films than 'Lumberjack Man', of the horror genre and overall, and it is not even close to being one of the worst, let alone the worst, low budget films seen recently. That on the other hand doesn't make it good, it does far too little with the potential it had in the concept and it doesn't even have enough to make it tolerable. There is little engaging and it is cheesy as sin. 'Lumberjack Man's' least bad component was the music. There was something somewhat ominous about it and it does occasionally give a suspenseful touch. Sadly, that is pretty much the only praise to give. The pace very badly lumbers, which really makes the film dull, and it is not always easy to figure out what is going on because the story is just so thin and tonally weird. Regarding the villain, there is nothing surprising or sinister. Actually comes over more as silly and cheesy in behaviour and the goofy look. The lack of any atmosphere, let alone tension and suspense, is a hindrance as is the too long by half an hour length. As is the incredibly bad writing. Very stilted and induces too often some unintentional laughs. There were attempts at dark humour, but it was not dark or sharp enough and was instead silly and clumsy. Madsen's explanation is just ridiculous. Even worse is the acting, with beyond description terrible performances from the whole younger cast and it even makes Michael Madsen, clearly phoning in and either doing the film for money or as a favour, look bad. The characters are incredibly annoying and far from interesting, there is no development and the way they behave too often is stupid and illogical. The production values all round look cheap, especially the haphazard editing. The story has nothing engaging, suspenseful or scary, it's just far-fetched to an intelligence insulting degree, incredibly dull due to trying to stretch things out to pad the too long length and just too bland. Anything done to try and spice up the supposedly scary moments came over as overdone and gratuitous. Overall, very poor in almost every single area. 2/10 Bethany Cox