Ironmaster

Trailer—Ironmaster

source: Ironmaster

A mercurial movie metallurgist of no small repute, the maniacal minister of blood-thirsty B-Movie mayhem, Umberto Lenzi, lends his singularly sinister skill set to temper the steel-thewed, furry-arsed, Sabre-toothed majesty of this hysterically unhistorical primordial romp, 'Iron Master'. Set during our planet's most unflinchingly savage and blood-thirsty chapter, where we bear uncomfortable witness in gruesome, Technicolor detail primitive man's brutal ascent to dominance, a ceaselessly cruel and violent rite of passage, wherein monstrous, mammoth-sized beasts laid constant siege upon an unforgiving land, where the terrible rigors of day-to-day survival fashioned fierce men and women of an uncommonly robust mettle, but in order to rise victorious and finally become king, it would take one no less vaunted than an Iron Master! - 'Iron-willed Warrior Kings are not weaned on milk and honey in gilded, cloistered halls of privilege; they are forged in the ferociously distempered furnace of total war!'

Ironmaster (1983) ** 1/2 (out of 4) This Italian-French co-production is set during prehistoric days when Vood (George Eastman) discovers iron, which he uses as a sword to break free from his tribe. Ela (Sam Pasco) takes over and soon he too discovers the iron and before long both sides are trying to create new weapons for power. Umberto Lenzi's IRONMASTER is one of those films that is better made than it probably should have been and it's certainly a lot more entertaining than it has the right to be. The movie is basically a look at two group of people just a notch above cavemen who learn to do battle with much better weapons than what they are used to. Lenzi certainly creates a unique look to the film and for the most part it's entertaining enough for what it is. I think what I enjoyed most was some of the more laughable moments in the picture. Look, I'm sure Lenzi wasn't intending on this to be taken overly serious but the highlight for me was a group of ape creatures who are constantly attacking people. These costumes are certainly a far cry from PLANT OF THE APES but at the same time they are realistic in their own way. Obviously these ape creatures are running around without clothes so they male parts are seen at times and I just found it funny that the film gave them penises and that we see them throughout the film. The battle scenes are fun as well. There are a couple good sword fights but the best moments are when the rivals are battling with large rocks and sticks. Performance wise there's certainly nothing great here from Pasco but it's always great fun seeing George Eastman. His battle with a lion is another nice sequence as is the lion's head he wears throughout the film. But be warned, there are some animal deaths seen in the film.

Despite it's Frank Frazetta-style, Conan-esque cover art, Umberto Lenzi's Ironmaster is actually like one of those Hammer cavemen films featuring grunting cro-magnons, or the more serious French film Quest for Fire (1981), only this being an Italian rip-off, the prehistoric humans speak perfect English (at least in the version I saw) and there's not a stop-motion creature to be seen (but there are some plastic mammoths and a tribe of monkey-like neanderthals). And like Hammer's films - One Million Years B.C., When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth and Creatures the World Forgot - the cave-women are all ravishing beauties in small animal-skin bikinis. Coming from the director that gave us Cannibal Ferox and Eaten Alive!, one can also expect a smattering of brutal violence as well. And yet, behind all of the blatant silliness and skull-crushing action, Lenzi's film is actually a thought-provoking allegory about the cold war. No, seriously. The story concerns a tribe of cavemen whose leader is thinking of stepping down and handing the reins to kindly muscleman Ela (Sam Pasco), instead of his hotheaded son Vood (George Eastman). Miffed, Vood brains his father with a stone axe and tries to take leadership, but having witnessed the murder, Ela speaks up, and Vood is run out of Bedrock (but not before killing the tribe's shaman as well). While stomping around at the foot of an erupting volcano (as you do), Vood discovers a long, sword-shaped piece of iron, and returns to his tribe brandishing his indestructible weapon, this time successfully seizing control and exiling Ela. As Ela roams the land, encountering hilarious naked monkey-men and befriending gorgeous (but, sadly, not naked) blonde Isa (Elvire Audray), Vood and his followers mine the black rock from the slopes of the volcano, smelting its iron to make more swords, before setting about enslaving neighbouring tribes. Isa's people - peace-loving fishermen who see no need for weapons - are easily overpowered by Vood and his cronies, but Ela helps them to fight back, training them in the art of combat and inventing the bow and arrow in his spare time. When Vood hears that Ela is in the village, he and his men launch an attack but are surprised to be met by resistance. No prizes for guessing that the good guys win, after which they ditch their weapons in a lake. Peace and love and all that. Let's be honest though, we don't watch this kind of film for thinly veiled messages about the arms race and the need for nuclear disarmament; we watch it for the exploitative elements and unintentional lols, and there are plenty of those: Vood might have discovered Iron, but Ela is quite obviously keeping schtum about his stash of steroids and baby oil, while Isa appears to have access to lipstick and eye-shadow; Vood's scheming female side-kick Lith (Pamela Prati) struggles unsuccessfully to remain inside her bikini top; the costumes for the ape-like neanderthals come complete with genitalia; the speed at which the cavemen develop advanced weapon-making skills is quite remarkable; likewise, Ela and company's marksmanship with their crude bows and arrows is nothing short of amazing. Lenzi's fans will also be delighted by the gore: we get Vood's father's smushed head, a couple of severed arms, and numerous arrows in various body parts. I'm not about to pretend that Ironmaster is a good film - it's unlikely to appear in anyone's all-time Top 10 - but for those appreciate cheesy Italian films, there should be plenty to enjoy. 5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for a couple of fun special effects (including a model volcano and a nice matte painting) and for Vood's manky lion head-dress.

Right you are commenter's that Ironmaster is low-brow and or low-budget but I really like this kind of sword and sandal, cave dwellers, Hercules, and or Tarzan movies that are no longer made except very rarely. Morality and a keeping of the body in this case Sam Pasco as Ela and others though less so are entertaining, inspiring, and for me hope giving in life. With the comments of some others I read I think Sam Pasco nor any of the cast were bad at all. In fact they're quite good including Vood, the women, and their followers on both sides. Much thanks to whomever inspired the making of this film. It is not a waste in the slightest. Good afternoon or late night escapism that does not need thinking.

This is the most awful movie of all time. No movie surpasses this movie in horrible horrible badness. Nothing can even come close to the story of Vudd discovering I-ron. I will call this "I-RON". From a superheated volcanic eruption... minutes later giant metal shard... hiding underneath rocks. He touches it and its hot so he hits it with a rock and its cool. Cmon, really. Then he kills the national geographic lion and when he stabs it is paper mache. I'm not even going to get into the monkey men and the katanas he forges near the end of the movie. Where did he get the knowledge on how to forge master crafted samurai swords? And the cover has NOTHING to do with movie at all. THE END

This movie is a stirring epic set amongst the backdrop of the transitional period between the advent of the cro-magnons and the extinction of the neanderthals. The polar opposition between the two races is clearly shown, especially when the neanderthals attack by simply throwing rocks and the cro-magnons finish them off with their newly invented lightsabres. Cro magnons were the intelligent ones remember You see this movie is so rivetting simply because it sucked so much That Ela guy is beefed up on some anabolic substance and when Eastman finds a large chunk of iron (what was he doing at the volcano anyway?) and with that piece, they invent a way to melt it, cast it, then fashion it into broadswords, which they then use to hack and slash their way through every tribe for no reason A vey bad movie

This was directed by prolific Italian filmmaker Umberto Lenzi who boasts numerous directorial credits in a wide array of film genres including a number of (in)famous horror outings and some very gritty crime dramas. Fans of Italian B-movies will instantly delight in seeing big George Eastman in the role of the main villain (as he is very often type cast) who, inadvertently brings about the inception of the Iron Age(!) Scouring the internet, I have found nothing but disdain and vituperation for this film with some reviewers even going so far as to apply the ignominious label of 'The worst movie ever made' upon it. Whilst the film is admittedly certainly no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, it is in fact not nearly as bad as it's sullied reputation would have us believe. What we have here in effect is a sort of semi-documentary detailing the sudden great psychological and sociological evolution of early human kind as precipitated by the discovery of more puissant weaponry. OK, so it is somewhat base in it's linear execution, logic is not a trait it is particularly rich in, the acting is not exactly Oscar material and the special effects are shall we say, severely wanting, but despite this, the film is actually rather intriguing. The ending especially, is surprisingly rather poignant for this genre and is quite refreshing. Special mention must also be made of the title score for the film, which is one of those tunes you'll find yourself humming for days!!! Overall then, whilst woefully inaccurate in its historical context, this film is nonetheless rather fascinating in its inimitable depiction of a bygone people and their turbulent way of life.

We have too many movies. At current count, we have around 2,642 DVDs. Every time I walk into a used video store, I try and tell myself, "You don't need anything." But then I have a rough day of work. Or a great day of work. And then I'm in a store and see a movie that has George Eastman wearing a giant lion head and killing everyone he sees in a ripoff of Quest for Fire and I just throw my wallet at the closest person in the store and run around the store screaming like a loon. George Eastman's best roles - like Nikos Karamanlis in Antropophagus, One in Warriors of the Wasteland and Big Ape in 2019: After the Fall of New York - are beloved because of the moments where he goes fully unhinged and becomes a maniac. In this movie, as Vood, he's berserk minutes into the movie, killing Zod, the leader of his tribe in a bid for taking over, then murdering the wise elder who tries to make peace. He's sent away from the tribe, where he ends up learning how to forge metal in a volcano and make weapons! That's when he meets Lith, who shows up out of nowhere to tell him that the fire god Enferon has picked him to take over the world. With his new sword, he easily takes over his former tribe and makes all the members his loyal servants. Let me set up this arms race for you: he's the first dude and the only dude to have a sword. Vood (or Vuud, who am I to quibble) is basically bringing nukes to a knife fight. Well, actually he's bringing a big knife. You know what I mean. He kicks his main rival, Ela, out of the tribe and ties him to a giant X, where he faces off against cavemen. He's saved by Isa and her tribe, who are good at medicine but also whose peaceful ways are little match for George Eastman killing everything in his path and demanding that all others do the same. Of course, a final battle has to happen between cavemen maniacs and cavemen hippies. There is some romantic intrigue and plenty of blood along the way. What else would you expect from director Umberto Lenzi (Ghosthouse, Cannibal Ferox, Nightmare City, Eaten Alive!)? This is total entertainment. I may have too many DVDs, but this one was so worth getting. This movie is pure garbage in the best of ways. It even recycles the music from Mountain of the Cannibal God and Adam and Eve vs. the Cannibals, two other prime pieces of Italian cinematic goofiness.