Hansel & Gretel Get Baked

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source: Hansel & Gretel Get Baked

After her pot-head boyfriend disappears around town, a teen and her brother trace him back to a local witch using magically-enhanced marijuana to attract youths in order to remain young and must put a stop to her actions. Overall this one was a lot of fun if slightly flawed here. For the most part, the fact that this is a horror/comedy yet nothing here is really all that funny is the biggest issue since this one is really only funny for the fact that everyone here is a raving pot-head, including the supposedly innocent lead. For anyone who does not find drug-related humor funny in the slightest, much of what happens here where everyone acts completely stoned and out looking for more marijuana won't in the slightest bit seem funny or appealing and it just really tends to wear on some who don't offer up anything else here to really get a handle on. Still, outside of this facet the film provides plenty of exciting and enjoyable elements throughout here which come from the fact that this one's built more as a straight-forward horror film with a goofy-sounding device to set things in motion as if this one dropped all the drug jokes it's a perfectly enjoyable effort about a witch using the drug to lure those in the community over to her quarters. It plays a lot of these scenes straight about the witch's powers getting stronger and stronger as it goes along as there's some fine story lines about her expanding magic to charm those into letting her go, the addition of zombified slaves that she controls for peace and security reasons and the ability to get younger-looking as time goes on which makes this a lot of fun when these are out and about. As well, there's plenty of fine action here in the basement as the use of charmed marijuana plants that act as guards and trap intruders, a fantastic play on the original story where they get away from the ravenous guard-dog and the final fight in the basement all make this one quite enjoyable with some fine action scenes needing to get away from the witch and making the finale a lot better than it should. Likewise, this one really gets a fine boost from the fact that it plays along so well with the fairy tale throughout here that it certainly comes closest to telling that particular tale better than expected considering the additional material it utilizes in tying it all with pot instead of candy. Along with some fine gore from the early kills and an engrossing mystery angle searching for the missing boyfriend that takes up the majority of the first half here, this one comes off as highly enjoyable that would've been better had it been played straight. Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence and heavy drug use.

I saw this movie, and found myself laughing at the title. I started watching it think it would be a dumb comedy, which was honestly what I was looking for, and had a few laughs. Well that was before the witch cut Gretels boyfriend, Astons leg off. This movie went from teens getting high, to brutal murdering. It I didn't have a strong stomach, I probably wouldn't have made it through this film, haha. I honestly don't regret watching this.

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked Directed by Duane Journey. Written by David Tillman Whoa boy what a week. I will say no more. I'm going to follow this nifty little business card for a sample of Black Forest and hide away inside the enchanted marijuana forest. Just smoke away as long as my life force is not drained from me by a witch. Oh right there's a movie here entitled Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. I know stop giggling. The absurd title is what grabbed my attention. I had to see with mine own eyes what this was all about. It's not really about Hansel and Gretel. They are barely in the movie. It is mainly about the witch getting her youth back. That seems to be the movie they wanted to make but they were convinced to slap the story of Hansel and Gretel onto it because everyone knows that story. You slap a well known story onto something else and then you have the ability to sell this misshapen lump of weird to the public. I think this does a disservice to the story being told. It is mildly amusing with this grimy gross decaying witch lady talking shop with fellow potheads. This is definitely a one joke movie that wears out any amusement really quickly. It goes off on these tangents with a crazed drug lord angry about the witch encroaching on his territory. We have another subplot albeit a brief one with terrible cops that don't believe their story. It is a pretty crazy story. It does have some moments of gore but this is played to the highest levels of lunacy. It is kind of inspired but not really. I will admit that I found the idea of an enchanted grow farm located inside of The People Under the Stairs house to be somewhat inspired. But after that point, they ran out of inspiration to include anything else. There sadly is not much to this movie. It stretches the joke to its absolute breaking point. Hansel is such a responsible guy that he doesn't even smoke. The title is a lie!! It's fine. If this is the kind of movie you enjoy, it's not a bad film to check out. I could say it was disappointing but I didn't have expectations. It was just a big giant bowl of whatever. I give this movie a C.

The plot is simple. Agnes (Lara Flynn Boyle) is a witch who grows some righteous weed called "Black Forest" that all the kids crave. She allows them into her house and extracts their youth from them, which causes their demise. The film starts out like a fairly decent stoner film, break out the milk and gingerbread cookies. It has some decent comedy, dark comedy, and slasher moments. About half way through the film the writers got a block.I kept waiting for Hansel (Michael Welch) and Gretel(Molly C. Quinn) to come together and turn this into a good witch fight. As it turns out Hansel is a minor character while Molly has to carry the film by herself. Don't get me wrong, she did well for the lousy lines she was scripted, with her red hair and looks making me ache for Laura Prepon. It was a good idea that was squandered. Parental Guide: F-bombs. No sex or nudity. Not even a simple cat fight between Lara and Molly rolling around on the floor.

This was a fun little movie. I would call it a dark comedy rather than a horror comedy but it's fine to distract you if you need to kill time in the hotel before going out to dinner. It's not terribly memorable until we reach the witch's house. She really steals the show with her evil yet seductive performance with pretty admirable make up turning her gradually from crone to hot chick. The other characters are pretty forgettable and I don't really feel for them. It was really funny to watch her take out those cops. But it annoyed me to see they survived. Way to give a middle finger to your audience. Nothing much but it's fine.

A witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) is living in a mansion in Pasadena, California, making potent marijuana in her basement and preying on the local stoners. Molly Quinn & Michael Welch play the titular siblings who investigate, along with a Latina friend (Bianca Saad). "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" (2013) is an amusingly horrific take on the German fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm, envisioning events in the modern day with the witch preying on potheads. Witch-themed films were trendy at the time and this flick took advantage of the contemporaneous big budget "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" (2013), as did a few other mockbusters: "Witchslayer Gretl" (2012), The Asylum's "Hansel & Gretel" (2013) and Lionsgate's "Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft" (2013). While it's not in the same league as the kick-axx "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters," it's amusing enough in its one-dimensional scope. Ultra-cute Molly is a highlight and worth the price of admission while Flynn Boyle hams it up as the perversely ee-vil sorceress. There's a nice balance of amusement and horror. The film runs 1 hour, 26 minutes and was shot in Los Angeles. GRADE: B-

The film is set in contemporary Southern California. The film opens with a seemingly endless montage of visuals of medical marijuana prescriptions. Eventually, we shift to a meter man reading usage at a house consuming a huge amount of wattage. He decides to investigate a bit more before calling it in. This turns out to be a mistake. Hansel and Gretel are brother and sister in an upper middle class house. Their parents are away for a while at the beginning of the film. Gretel and her friend Ashton are in her bedroom sharing a sample of weed ('Black Forest') while they listen to music. Hansel comes home and is not amused. He goes up to chat with them, and they decide to make gingerbread after Hansel describes Black Forest Cake. Ashton goes to get some more Black Forest from the little lady who lives in Pasadena (where else...). Agnes is willing to sell him the weed and to get him some munchies, as long as he does not touch her gingerbread house. Ashton does eat some of it, and is knocked out by it. He awakes to find Agnes basting him. She starts eating him while he is still alive: first an eye, then roasted lower leg. Gretel makes a lot of calls since she expects him back. Next day, she starts asking his stoner associates where he might be. She gets Agnes' address from Manny, then convinces Hansel to drive her there. Agnes manages to fend off her inquiries. The police call the power company to ask about a missing van about to be towed. The company acknowledges this, and the van is towed. Hansel and Gretel call the police, but the interview does not go well since they are unwilling to provide specifics about Manny, or Gretel's own drug use. Officer Hart takes Agnes' address anyway. Gretel is disappointed; Hansel is resigned. Agnes seems to be more of a succubus than a cannibal. Sucking Ashton's spirit out of his body seems to do more for her than eating his flesh. Carlos decides to horn in on Manny's action with the Black Forest High. Manny goes to Agnes and tells her about Carlos' demands. Agnes is unimpressed. She sends Carlos an insulting message, then kills Manny. Gretel posts signs about Ashton. Carlos, Jorge, and Octavio visit Agnes. This proved to be a bad idea for them. The power company continues investigating the power spike. Sam's son (one of the stoners who gave up Manny to Carlos) divulges the location of the new weed, and Sam reports it to her boss. He personally continues the investigation from the power usage angle. Gretel and Bianca decide to look for Ashton and Manny at Agnes' house. While Bianca talks to Agnes, Gretel breaks into the basement, and searches. She finds a piece of shirt that she recognizes. Soon she finds Octavio, or at least his voice. Agnes prevails again. Hansel heads to Agnes' house once he sees Gretel's text. The police get a missing person's report on Ashton. The power company is zeroing in. Will Agnes maintain her household against all these challenges? -----Scores------ Cinematography: 7/10 Mostly excellent, but many of the interior shots were not so good. Sound: 10/10 No problems. Acting: 6/10 Molly Quinn, Lara Flynn Boyle, Reynaldo Gallegos, and Yancy Butler were all fine. Bianca Saad was rather fun. Michael Welch, Lochlyn Munro, and Eddie Martin were almost OK. Andrew James Allen and Claudia Choi were terrible. Screenplay: 6/10 This one had a few continuity errors involving time of day. Some of the plot motivators were really weak. Also, just what did the power company contribute to the whole matter? The opening seemed like the film was to be a full-on stoner film with no other considerations, which turned out to be false.

What's most surprising is how much more coherent (and faithful to the original fairy tale) this is than its witch-hunting, $50 million big studio counterpart. From the opening credits -- the cast and crew's names are printed on dispensary pop top vials -- one senses this is not another This is Not Another Teen Horror Film. In this telling, Gretel (Molly C. Quinn) and her boyfriend Ashton (Andrew James Allen) are medical marijuana-card carrying stoners who get their hands on a gnarly quarter-ounce of Black Forest, the El Dorado of weed. Dispensaries don't stock it. The only place in town that reimburses for it is located in the enchanted forest, a labyrinthine grow room in the basement of the wicked witch Agnes' (Lara Flynn Boyle) spacious Pasadena home. Ashton ventures off on his own and winds up getting twice-baked: once by the Black Forest and again in Agnes' kiln. (She literally sucks the life out of her prey in order to maintain a youthful bloom.) Layers of aging latex peel away to reveal a younger Boyle, but the collagen Cheetos that pass for lips defy deterioration. Enter nonuser Hansel (Michael Welch), with veins as pure as spring water and virginity still intact, and a gang of local pushers (they caught wind of granny's stash and want their cut) to wage various battles against the all consuming witch. Duane Journey started as a grip on dozens of films and now finds himself behind the camera. H&G never reaches the far flung causticity of Freeway, Matthew Bright's scabrously satiric take on the Little Red Riding Hood saga, but I still found myself chuckling more out loud more times than anticipated. Skittles replace breadcrumbs only long enough for one of our players to get the munchies and eat the return directions. The gore gets to be a tad gratuitous, but for the most part Journey has a ball ripping into genre conventions. This time you're supposed to laugh when the cat comes hurling at the camera. SPOILER ALERT The manner in which the two cops meet their end will go down as one of the biggest, most unexpected laughs of 2013. Stoners and/or those in need of a few laughs need to move their tush, buy some kush. Fun romp of a film.