Guns

This film essentially begins with a South American crime lord by the name of "Juan Degas" (Erik Estrada) hiring two hitmen to kill a female federal agent named "Nicole Justin" (Roberta Vasquez). However, due to a last-minute wardrobe change, the two assassins end up killing a totally innocent person instead. This not only infuriates Juan, but it also triggers an immediate investigation by the federal agency Nicole works for as one of their own members named "Rocky" (Lisa London) was also killed in the attempt as well. What they don't realize, however, is that Juan is only getting started and he has assembled several men and compiled a vast arsenal of weapons to use in his murderous scheme of revenge. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this movie pretty much follows the same general pattern of several previous Andy Sidaris films which places a high priority on attractive and scantily clad actresses like Dona Speir (as "Donna Hamilton") and the newly introduced Roberta Vasquez taking the place of Donna's usual partner played by Hope Marie Carlton ("Taryn"). And although Ms. Carlton was probably the most attractive actress of the bunch, I have to say that the addition of Devin DeVasquez (as the villainous "Cash") almost made up for it. Be that as it may, much like the previous films in the series, the plot lacked depth and needed a lot more suspense or intrigue as the numerous action scenes were simply not sufficient to maintain interest for an extended period of time. That being said, while I don't consider this to be a bad film by any means, it still suffered from the same weaknesses as the others, and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

The fifth Andy Sidaris Molokai bullets 'n babes adventure really delivers the big guns as Sidaris hired Erik Estrada to be the villain in this one. Juan Degas (Estrada) hires two hit men to get rid of Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez), who just happens to be the new partner of series regular Donna (Dona Speir). It all revolves around a plot to run guns from China to Central America via Hawaii and a little bit of personal history between Degas and Donna. Man, I was crying about the loss of Hope Marie Carlton in my SAVAGE BEACH (1990) review above, but Sidaris kept things flowing and this is one of the best pictures in the series since MALIBU EXPRESS (1985). He really won me over by introducing Donna's mother and even flashing back to a random killing from HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987) in order to give Chuck McCann (as a Government agent/magician) some back story. He also played with my emotions by killing off series regular Rocky (Lisa London) early on. Other regulars returning include Bruce Penhall as C.I.A. dude Bruce Christian and Cynthia Brimhall as nightclub singer/agent Edy Stark (she belts out two songs). Also, muscular John Brown plays his third separate character and series heavy Rodrigo Obregon has a cameo as a cross dressing cop named Large Marge (!). In addition to Estrada, you also have B-movie vet George Cheung as an arms dealer and future B-movie legend Danny Trejo as Degas' right hand man. The film's biggest shocker might be that there is absolutely ZERO nudity for the first 27 minutes.

If you're counting, this is Andy Sidaris film # 5 - but honestly, after the great "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", you can skip the rest and move on to this one. We all know these movies just entertain and you should check the brain at the door, but if you can do that, you will enjoy this film (and if you don't mind a little harmless t+a). The music reminds me of the A-Team and Hunter TV shows we grew up with - you know, the 80's synthesizer music...with all the explosions, it could very well have been a Steven J. Cannell production. The inclusion of Roberta Vasquez is a good shot to the system and in starring villain roles you've got Erik Estrada and Danny Trejo. That must have been quite a coup for Sidaris and wife at the time.

When I sat down to watch the 1990 movie "Guns" from writer and director Andy Sidaris, I must admit that I wasn't really expecting the movie to be a groundbreaking action movie, especially since the last handful of movies of his that I've watched pretty much has been of the same formula. But since I do believe in giving a movie a fair chance, and since I hadn't already seen "Guns", of course I opted to sit down and watch it. And I have to say that "Guns" was pretty much as I had anticipated, and it does follow the blueprint that writer and director Andy Sidaris has been using over and over for his movie, for better or worse. I am not saying that it is a bad movie, actually it was watchable and enjoyable enough for the cheesy action that it was. And since writer and director Andy Sidaris is following the same formula, then you know what you're in for here. The acting performances in "Guns" were actually alright, and it was fun to see the likes of Erik Estrada, Danny Trejo and George Cheung in this 1990s action movie. And of course it was also nice to have returning cast members back for reprising their roles from previous movies, as it does add a sense of continuity to the movies. Ultimately, then "Guns" is a straight forward, albeit somewhat generic, cheesy action movie that writer and director Andy Sidaris had a tendency of doing. My rating of "Guns" lands on a five out of ten stars.

I wonder, after doing an entire week of Andy Sidaris movies, if these quick descriptions of what they're all about at the beginning of each article are starting to seem repetitive. To wit: a new enemy appears and menaces gorgeous male and female secret agents who use inventive weapons and double entendres to defeat them. It's not me who is repetitive, I fear. And I have like eight more Sidaris movies left to get to! I should just shut up and get in the hot tub before more killers show up. A brutal murder in Las Vegas starts off this adventure, which brings in new villain Juan "Jack of Diamonds" Degas, played by Erik Estrada. Donna returns, again played by Dona Speir, but Taryn is missing in action. Degas wants to smuggle next-generation technology weaponry into the United States, but he's decided to do it through Miami, which means that he needs to get the L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents out of the way, starting with Donna and newcomer Nicole (Roberta Vasquez, who was Pantera in Picasso Trigger). This bad guy takes things even further by kidnapping Donna's mom, which means that he's going to die like all Andy Sidaris villains: at the end of a rocket launcher. Yes, there are also remote controlled boat bombs, double crosses and ninjas. You just kind of expect these things by now. What you may not expect is an incredibly young Danny Trejo to show up as one of the henchmen, which was a cool surprise. Edy from past films shows up again as a lounge singer who performs several times, including a song all about, well, guns. And there's fine dialogue such as "Hiya my ass!" as a ninja is shot and Donna screaming "Don't just do something! Stand there!" I recommend not watching these films until it's so absurdly late that it's become early. They work best that way.

This is the 5th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. Gangster Degas (Erik Estrada) tries to get a few agents out of the way so he can ship weapons from China to South America via Hawaii. But Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) doesn't give up easily, because Degas killed her father years ago. So even if pistols seem good enough for others, Donna prefers a rocket launcher to blast baddies to pieces. Roberta Vasquez poses with a leather bikini on a motorbike at sunset, while Cynthia Brimhall has a special appearance as a nightclub singer. Chuck McCann gets the best line when he interrogates two suspects: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a magician?" They quickly find out! "Guns" isn't one of the best of the series, but it's got its moments.

I am a huge fan of Andy Sidaris His films are simple and to the point. There are no pretensions. He has a basic formula and even the same groups of actors and Sidaris fans expect nothing less. He always has large breasted women, mucho explosions (whether they make sense or not), big guns and former TV actors (this one has Erik Estrada). The basic plot involves a groups of female agents who also run a plane chartering company in Hawaii. They have to hunt down a gun runner who has ordred hits on a few people and leaves a Jack Of Diamonds as his calling card (hence the character's name Jack Of Diamonds). They fly to Vegas and also see action in Lake Havasu. A large part of the Vegas scenes were filmed at the just opened (as of filming) Rio Hotel. SEMI-SPOILERS: I enjoyed the scene of the bazooka shooting in the showroom with no one else in the hotel hearing it The scenes of them running into a Las Vegas hotel with a sh*tload of guns Cynthia Brimhall singing offkey again (she sings in just about every Sidaris film and always justa bit off key) the transvestite hitmen So, even though this isn't the best Sidaris, it's still excellent for those seeking mindless explosions, motorcycle chases, nudity and transvestite hitmen.

Boy...does this director Sidaris like to blow s**t up-but he just ain't good at it. The special effects look like they were staged in a six year olds sandbox. But you get some sweet eye candy in ex-Playboy Bunnies Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez-unfortunately, both have no concept to emoting. And, without a doubt, you get (maybe) THE worst line ever uttered in a low-budget actioneer: As bombs (or whatever) are blowing up around poor Dona she grabs some kind of plastic assault rifle and hollers at her male partner "Don't just do something...stand there!" and proceeds to shoot up the horizon. How can you not love it? ***** stars out of 10-mainly for the luscious Ms. Vasquez. BOING!

The title looked like campy fun, but this trash fest was just too overpowering for me. It doesn't seem self-aware or ironic in any way. I can't believe Erik Estrada (CHiPs) and Danny Trejo (Heat) starred in it. The other actors do their best, and not all of them are bad, but are limited by the script and relentlessly mediocre production values. I wonder what kind of MST3k episode this would have been?

Only five films into my 'Girls, Guns and G-Strings' Andy Sidaris box set and I'm already struggling to find new ways of describing what is essentially the same damn movie every time: the same actors; the same characters; the same location; the same silly ingredients. Guns replaces Sidaris regular Hope Marie Carlton with the equally gorgeous Roberta Vasquez and introduces a couple of reasonably cool B-movie stars as villains (Erik 'Ponch from CHiPs' Estrada and Danny 'Machete' Trejo)—everything else is exactly as one would expect: dumb plot; big breasted women in very skimpy outfits; hunks with bad hair; ridiculously large hand weapons; deadly remote control toys; and assorted men in drag (in this case, a pair of trannie assassins). With a fraction more action than usual (there are some nice 'n' bloody squib shots), Roberta Vasquez getting topless on a motorbike, and suitably nasty deaths for both Estrada and Trejo, this one is possibly my favourite of the series so far. Then again, it might not be. It's hard to tell. 5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.