Ghosthouse

Umberto Lenzi's Ghosthouse just about has all the trademarks of a late era Italian horror. A haunted house. "Teenage" victims. Gore. Cheesiness. Bad acting. It's all there, and it's all good. Back in 1967, a crazy father discovers his cat murdered in his basement, and his daughter holding a pair of bloodied scissors. Understandably losing the rag, he locks his daughter in the basement and goes upstairs, and that's when things get weird. A bulb expands and explodes and a maggoty thing appears and splits his head open with an axe. When mother comes to investigate a mirror explodes in her face, performing the good old Italian eyeball trauma, and then she gets a knife through her neck for her trouble. Fast forward to 1987, where CB enthusiast Paul is discussing Simon Le Bon and Kim Basinger over his radio. He catches a strange signal where a man is crying for help, followed by a weird tune and indecipherable vocals, and using his computer, somehow, he manages to track down the signal to a house in the country. Now brace yourself because this is a big surprise – it's the house from the start of the film. Grabbing his girlfriend Lara Wendel (who hilariously spends most of the film in a bad mood with him), Paul heads out to the house, where he finds CB operator Jim, his girlfriend, his brother and his Jim Carrey lookalike sister/pain in the arse Tina. Problem is, Jim acknowledges that the voice on the tape is his, but he's only just set up his CB rig and hasn't used it yet. That night, Jim is drawn to the basement, where a small girl and a creepy looking clown doll appear, and Jim finds himself uttering those words that Paul taped the day before…and ends up dead. I like Ghousthouse for many reasons. First, there's the cast, including Lara Wendel (Red Monks, Killing Birds), Donald O'Brien (Mannaja, Zombie Holocaust) and Bob Champagne (Witchery). Then there's the fact that the film splits into two plot threads rather than have everyone just stuck in the house being chased by ghosts. That does happen to some of the characters for the remainder of the film, but two characters never actually return to the house, and instead try and investigate the origin of the haunting, pursued by O'Brien (who plays a deranged caretaker in slasher mode). Then there's the sheer amount of haunted house action Lenzi pours into the film, from the usual taps pouring blood, appearing/disappearing ghosts, moving objects, disembodied laughter etc, to the more surreal basement full of quick lime and an appearance by the Grim Reaper. Gore wise it's pretty good. You've got the messy killings at the start, someone being stabbed with shears, a hammer killing, and a character being cut in two. There's also the sub plot involving the homeless black thief guy that's maybe not worth dwelling on too much. Ghosthouse is for me one of the finest of these cheapo horror films the Italians were churning out before the industry gave up, and further proof that Lenzi can be a good director if he wasn't too obsessed with killing animals for jungle flicks. Check out his seventies gangster movies – they're all gold. I've seen posted on the 'goofs' section here that Lenzi made the mistake of putting Henrietta's date of birth as "1938" on her tombstone, but it clearly says "1958" – give the guy some credit.

Umberto Lenzi would be the first to tell you that he isn't a horror director. Generally working on war and adventure films, he dabbled in the seedy climes of the giallo and the cannibal film in the 70s, but that was pretty much the closest he came to horror. That is, until he was roped in by, you guessed it, the nefarious Aristide Massacessi to make an "unofficial" entry into the EVIL DEAD series (the Italian title of which was LA CASA). Although it has sweet nothing to do with Raimi's movies, it's actually quite a tight little supernatural haunted house movie, owing much to the likes of SUPERSTITION... Critically, I can't really defend some aspects of it. The acting, script, sound track and plot are totally absurd. Although somewhat endearing, the whole "possessed doll" thing does NOT work when you are using a miniscule special effects budget. There are a few nice gore set-pieces and as the story gets increasingly ridiculous, it's surprising to see that there are some quite atmospheric moments worked in. A lot of this is owed to the fact that Massacessi managed to scrape together enough lira to justify shooting the movie in autumnal Boston, rather than on a CineCitta sound stage. Further points are scored by a typically typecast appearance from sleaze regular Donald O'Brien, who puts in the usual hilariously grizzly performance. If nothing else, watch this movie for the absurdly Americanised pseudonyms. Lenzi chooses to call himself "Humphrey Humbert", and if that isn't ludicrous enough, one of the actors goes under the moniker of "David Champagne"! This is surely only second to Mario Bava's "John Foam" as being the most laughable pseudonym in Italian movie history. This film has a sequel starring David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair. I haven't actually seen it and by all accounts it is spectacularly terrible, yet I still somehow feel drawn towards it. Cinematic masochism.

Hiding behind the ridiculous soubriquet Humphrey Humbert, Umberto Lenzi (of Cannibal Ferox fame) directed this lame late 80s Italian/US co-production that starts off bad, and then rapidly goes downhill. The film is a mish-mash of dumb, illogical, spooky (and sometimes deadly) happenings which occur to a group of teens staying at a deserted house. The cause of these supernatural events: the tormented spirit of a girl who is cursed to haunt the building because her father, a funeral director, gave her a clown-doll which he stole from the coffin of a dead child (what a great father: bringing home his daughter an ugly-as-sin present lifted from a corpse!). Also mixed-up in the strange occurrences are a young couple who have followed a mysterious signal that they picked up on their ham radio set; they arrive at the house just as the weird and grisly deaths begin. Lenzi's film is totally devoid of suspense, has plenty of elements which make no sense whatsoever (including a disappearing Doberman and a killer caretaker with a limp), features lousy acting, some dreadful special FX and some even worse examples of 80s fashion, and completely rips off the Tobe Hooper/Spielberg hit Poltergeist for several scenes (however, with a much smaller budget and a less talented crew, the results are laughable). Lenzi's next film, Le Porte dell'inferno, was further proof--as if we really needed it--that the director's best days behind the camera had long since gone.

Ghosthouse (1987) ** (out of 4) Italian horror film from director Umberto Lenzi about a haunted house and the fools who dare enter it. While this plays itself as a haunted house film, clearly influenced by The Shining, in reality it's just another excuse for over the top gore and violence. Lenzi manages to get a few creepy scenes out involving a dead girl and her doll but these only last a few scenes. The film starts off pretty good but falls apart when a couple kids try to uncover the mystery behind the house. The gore effects are rather strong and extremely well done so splatterheads should have that to enjoy.

What's the connection between Sam Raimi's legendary horror classics "The Evil Dead 1 & 2" and this low-keyed Italian haunted house horror movie directed by the notorious Umberto Lenzi ("Cannibal Ferox", "Nightmare City")? Absolutely no connection, you'd think, and yet thanks to promoting the film as a genuine sequel to "The Evil Dead", "Ghosthouse" became a huge commercial success in its home country. Say what you want about those unscrupulous Italian movie producers, but they undeniably have terrific marketing talents. Still, even in spite of the deceptive promotional campaign and the gazillions of negative reviews, I personally think "Ghosthouse" is a hugely entertaining and deliciously cheesy 80's horror movie. The graphic gore and clumsy execution are obviously the main elements to adore here, but still the film also features some ingenious conceptual ideas and even a handful of effectively creepy gimmicks. The opening sequences are downright fantastic and even raise the impression you're about to see a legitimate lost horror classic. The level of quality and intensity severely decreases immediately after the intro scenes, but still "Ghosthouse" remains a fun movie. An amateur broadcaster and his girlfriend head for a secluded and abandoned old mansion after they picked up disturbing radio signals coming from there. They team up with another trio of teenagers and discover the mansion is cursed ever since a macabre entity savagely killed the original owners. The nosy teen-detectives soon begin to spot appearances of a blond girl with an uncanny clown doll, accompanied with the supremely eerie tunes of a lullaby. When bodies start piling up, the police suspect the limb caretaker but obviously the house's past is coming back to haunt the trespassers. Very few story elements in "Ghosthouse" make perfect sense but - let's face it - intelligence and flawless continuity are the last things you expect in a rapidly produced Umberto Lenzi movie. The story behind the girl and her dummy is fairly creative, the filming locations are well chosen and the murders are marvelously engrossing … That's more than satisfying enough for me. There's never a dull moment and the lullaby, albeit terribly over-used, is one of the most horrific sounds I ever heard. The acting performances (or should I say dubbing jobs) are unspeakably atrocious, though. Especially Lara Wendel's lines hurt your ears. Oh and also, there's no nudity. What the hell is that about, Umberto?

This is not the worst movie I have ever seen, but its very bad, people track down a weird radio broadcast of someone yelling for help to an old house, there is a little girl with a doll that plays bad music in what I am guessing is an attempt to annoy people to death. People die, badly, then the little girls grave is burned....the end. Oh yeah, I forgot, at the end one of the characters says "She was just a normal little girl till her dad got her that doll." WHAT? How could this guy possibly know this? Awful.

This should be in a bargain bin. I have rarely seen such idiotic characters. If they would not have died I would kill them myself for such bad acting, makes you want to punch them and kill them yourself. Especially the 3 girls, actually forget this, all characters are acting like dumb idiots with no brains and no nerves. Besides the cast that keep screaming at everything, they don't react. None of the actors in this movie seems real. NO ONE would react like these pathetic zombies, and if they do; they deserve to die! The movie plot is good and with good acting and directing this could be a very strong movie. The directing and acting makes this version so lame that it should be burned. I love B movies cause there is something in them you don't get in the Hollywood big flicks; soul. This movie however has no soul, no body, not much besides the amazing story idea. I wish someone would pick it up and make a real movie with real actors. (Is is so bad that you need to really want to see the end to endure the acting, again, it is soooooooooooo bad I couldn't believe it.) A movie to watch, painfully, just to get the story behind it, good story, destructive acting and directing.

Once again, let me say "Thank God for RiffTrax." They tackled this one and came up with a gem! There are so many laughable moments, and their comments just add to the quirkiness of it all. Now then, those crazy Italian directors are at it again. This time, Umberto Lenzi (under the confusing pseudonym Humphrey Humbert) steals liberally from much better films, like POLTERGEIST, in telling a completely nonsensical story. Many years ago, a creepy little girl and her equally hideous clown doll go on a rampage and kill her parents. 20 or so years later (though it's never made clear because in Italian horror flicks, details are annoying) a ham radio operator named Paul (uh-oh!) and his bland girlfriend Martha sit around eating chili (cuz that's what us Americans do, right?) Then Paul's radio picks up a strange message. So out they go, attempting to find the source of the mysterious signal. Along the way, they pick up an annoying hitchhiker named Pepe. And finally come across the Ghost House. There, they meet up with a group of campers in an RV (cuz that's so American) and together, they decide to investigate the Ghost House. Now, I won't give anything else away, because this film has to be seen to be believed. Just know it's one of those unhinged Italian movies, so there's bound to be weird occurrences and violent deaths. But then again, that's why we love those crazy Italians. So track down RiffTrax's version, or invite your own motley crew of comedians over for a laugh riot!

I expected this film to be nothing more than your very average 80s horror flick but it was much more.Admittedly the acting was well below par but the shocks certainly weren't.Any film encorporating clowns in my opinion can't help but be sinister there was no exception here the clown was terrificly scary,and the little girl dressed in white just added to it.The film also boasted some rather gruesome deaths especially the guillotine!This movie certainly surpassed its expectations.Deserves to be seen.

A copy of Umberto Lenzi's GHOSTHOUSE was lying at the bottom of my closet for almost ten years now. I knew I'd seen it once, but I couldn't remember much of it. So last night I decided to watch it again. And, honestly, I don't know why I didn't remember anything of it. Because this is one memorable bad movie! Pretty bad Italian haunted house rubbish. If this was Umberto Lenzi's shot at making American movies, then he blew it big time. Now, the first two murders in the prologue of the movie were actually quite good. Typical brutal Italian style and a bit classic in a way. But then flash-forward 20 years or so, and all goes down the drain. Laughingly bad! A radio-operator hears the most unconvincing cry for help ever on his radio. He and his girlfriend discover the origin of the transmission. It seems to come from an abandoned house. Some youngsters are spending the weekend there in the yard with their trailer-van. Et voilà, enough meat for the grinder as the house appears to be possessed by a girl and her doll (who died 20 years ago). There's a lot of silly dialogues. But the dubbing is rather good, I must say. I think they mainly used the actor's real voices. Although there's one girl (I think it's Lara Wendel) which has such a thick accent, you can hardly understand a word she says. There's also that stupid joking black guy who serves absolutely no purpose (except getting killed). And don't get me started about that annoying nursery rhyme... However, there is some amusing stuff going on (but there's no logic to it whatsoever, of course). There's one guy that suddenly falls into a lake of milk (!) in the basement (kinda cool). When he crawls out, his girlfriend mistakingly takes him for an oozing zombie and stabs him to death with a pair of hedge-scissors. Hahaha, I had some fun with that! The old caretaker was a hoot too. He's supposed to be half-crippled, but he manages to chase almost every single girl that crosses his path. And then that tomb on the graveyard, that looks from the outside like a Hobbit's house... It has electricity in it??? There's a night-lamp that still seems to work after 20 years?!?!?!?! And the girl's corpse doesn't show any decomposing signs after 20 years of rotting away??? And can someone explain to me what was up with that ghost-dog? Barks a few times and doesn't do anything... and then vanishes. Nothing makes any sense in this movie! But the ending was good though: Bus of Death, hèhèhèhè... So this movie is worth watching once, because it's pretty hilarious. Some death-scenes are mildly amusing, and I must say that some sequences succeed barely in being scary (the washing machine in the basement, some scenes with the doll), but in the end it's just a bunch of silly, illogical nonsense. I haven't seen a lot of Umberto Lenzi's movies (I've only seen CANNIBAL FEROX and NIGHTMARE CITY, which I both enjoyed), but to me it seems he's just a mediocre Italian director when it comes to horror-movies. Fans of Lenzi might wanna check out GHOSTHOUSE (that's what they'll do anyway), but if you're just beginning to discover Italian horror-cinema, then go with stuff from Argento, Bava, Soavi and Fulci.