Frozen Sasquatch

Frozen Sasquatch

Frozen Sasquatch

Frozen Sasquatch

Right, well had I known this was a Mark Polonia movie, I would indeed have given it a wide berth. However, I wasn't aware of that after having watched it, and thus I suffered through a most horrible movie here. Sure, I wasn't really expecting a whole lot from a movie with the title "Frozen Sasquatch", but still opted to watch it on account of it might being such a bad low budget creature feature that it would be a fun movie to watch. But it was not. No, "Frozen Sasquatch" was just downright an abysmal movie. The storyline, as written Billy D'Amato, is pretty straightforward. It is not really all that bad, but the execution of the movie made it bad. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list. And it should be noted that the acting performances in "Frozen Sasquatch" were frozen, wooden, rigid and just hands down poor. That just didn't help to elevate the movie one bit. The movie is supposed take place in the Himalayas, yet it looks and feels like it was shot on location in Wisconsin. You don't believe that the people are trekking through the Himalayas for one second. And the poorly added CGI snow just didn't help make it any more believable. The music in the movie is pretty atrocious. But hey, at least it matches the rest of the movie in that account. And the constant snarling that the sasquatch made, would effectively make it a very ineffective predator. It was just so laughably bad. I love how they credited a guy for "Creature Design", when it was just someone wearing a fur suit and an inarticulate and inanimate monkey's mask. The creature design in this movie was so laughably poor. Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Frozen Sasquatch". It just simply isn't worth the time, effort or money. My rating of director Mark Polonia's 2018 movie "Frozen Sasquatch" lands on a one out of ten stars.

This is absolutely one of THE worst efforts at a horror film that I have ever seen. I thought that the likes of "Midnight Macabre". "Dark Attachment", "White Fangs" and virtually anything made by the Polonia Brothers were about the worst of the worst. "Frozen Sasquatch" trumps them all. From the fat, middle-aged white guys in wool caps, ponchos, and bandannas portrayed at monks, to the toy snub-nosed revolvers that they use to hunt the Yeti, to the costume of the Yeti itself, this is the most ridiculous, shameless, pathetic attempt at a move that I've ever seen. The costume for the creature looks like someone carve up an old shag carpet and made a piss-poor Papier Mache mask. It was so bad that I had to turn the damned thing off after all of four or five minutes.

After losing contact with a base, a team from a pharmaceutical company travels to the site in the Himalayas looking for answers only to find the cause to be the research teams' discovery of an enraged Bigfoot running wild in the facility and must hold off its attacks to escape alive. This was a decidedly weak and unimpressive effort. One of the more detrimental factors here is the weak and uninspired storyline that wastes a golden opportunity for some fun by going for an entirely cliche and predictable route. The idea of going to a remote location where they've lost contact with a facility in the area only to meet up with a creature on the loose being studied there no one knew about since no one told them about it simply reeks of being routine here. You get an idea where this is going almost immediately and that makes for a wholly underwhelming experience when the few times this one goes for its main setups instead it devolves into overly familiar executions. As well, a big problem here is the low-budget effects. The CGI is used far too often here, as the snow falling continuously throughout their trek to the base is laughably overlaid on top of the footage of them wandering through the woods which is so obviously and not in the Himalayas as no attempt is made to hide this location or the fake-looking snowfall. The burning fire-pit is equally fake-looking and the scenes set in the laboratory where children's paintings of the yeti are used as schematics while red pain substitutes for blood-splatter for a slew of issues here. Likewise, with them having to stumble upon major events after the fact with only sound effects heard, there's a lot involved here that gives away it's low-budget nature. However, even with all that featured here, there are major problems with the creature attacks here when they do occur. Not only is the scraggly, lumpy costume completely laughable without even touching on the cringe-worthy mask that doesn't even come close to fitting one of the tiniest actors to portray the creature, but it also makes the entire look goofy and utterly comical. The attacks here are incredibly cheesy as well, requiring the creature to emerge from various hiding places or corridors unseen until the last second resulting in some really underwhelming scenes like the surprise in the hallway, an attempted shock in the communications room further ruined by the slow-motion photography and a nonsensical bathroom encounter that's rather silly. These here are what hold this one down as there are a few decent elements to this one. They get plenty of mileage out of the constant scenes of the creature running loose in the facility here resulting in a fun, enjoyable pace. From the opening sequence showing the creature taking out the old crew before being buried in the avalanche, the early shots of the different members of the group out in the woods being stalked and the attacks by the creature in the facility where it has them trapped leading to a series of chases which give this a really endearing cheesy charm. This is present in the finale with all the revelations and action taking place here which have a goofy sense here and are what makes this one quite fun. Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence and Graphic Language.

Okay, I will say up front, that I like bigfoot movies, low(er) budget movies, and cult classics like Shriek of the Mutilated, which (until now) was one of the cheaper entries into the genre, Frozen Sasquatch is just awful. Nothing about it is good - acting, costumes (looks like Friday casual, at the store-front, income tax clinic where they filmed this movie, locale (income tax clinic or someone's back yard), monster costume, dialogue, and what is supposed to pass for special effects (a TikTok. Snow filter. The dialogue is funny, not like humorous, just so bad it makes you laugh, as it is not even at a remedial middle school level. The movie is supposed to take place in the Himalayas,, which look surprisingly like a flat area of California in the summer time. The intrepid explorers climbing to the remote mountain research lab (it would have been easier to built this vast office building down lower) wear polo shirts and khakis. Despite the constantly falling snow (courtesy of a filter) there is no snow on the ground, ever, and you wouldn't even know it was cold, except the cast keeps talking about it. The monster effects are bad. So bad you can't describe them, except one of them has what looks like a fake weave glued to the actors face to look like fur, and those fake plastic, stick on, Halloween finger nails that wrap around your fingertip. This movie is 100 times worse than Plan 9, Creeping Terror, Bride of the Monster, or any other "worst movie of all time" contender. Even watching it for free online makes me want to ask for a refund.

To start: I believe Bigfoot exists. I am an avid watcher of all movies, documentaries. Bigfoot. When I came across this film and read the story-line, I thought cool, sounds good. This film, as cool as the poster looks, is anything but. Everything from the lame, fake snow to the wooden acting to the cheesiest, most idiotic looking Sasquatch I have ever seen, is just horrible. The only plus this film has is the premise of the story has potential if someone who has the knowledge, fortitude and a good budget, could make a fantastic film. But alas, I can only give it 1 star.

Please Mr. Polina Bros, stop making films. Just stop. Get on indeed and find an office job. Please never touch a camera again. One question, where do you find your actors? Community Theater or friends and family? God damn this was bad. Does Amazon actually pay you to feature this. So it is snowing all the time but nothing on the ground? God Damn dude! It is the same ape/sasquatch costume every time. What was the budget...$25k.... god damn. You spent $300 on a Party Central rental. Please stop making movies. Calling oneself a filmmaker is just lying to yourself. God damn this was bad. Just stop.

This was a solid Polonia film with a superb script, excellent filming locations and cinematography and the usual lackluster talentless cast. Am I really supposed to believe that Jeff Kirkendall and James Carolous are scientists? Okay I'm not going to do my usual rant on those two (even though they've earned it). But Jamie Morgan? Really??? She is awful in everything she's ever been in! Noyes Lawton was the star of this film. This was the first time I had seen him in a main role and he did not disappoint. He steals every scene he's in and makes up for his cast mates lack of talent. He has a screen presence reminiscent of the great Ken VanSant. Natalie Hallead (Himmelburger) was a pretty solid female lead who may be a future Polonia star. This was one of Titus Himmelburgers better performances but was still pretty bad. Overall solid plot and highly entertaining. I would ask Mr. Polonia to start holding casting calls for local raw talent for his future movies. There is a strong local fan base and I'm sure many fans would love to be in one of his films. I'd imagine they'd can't be worse then some of the people he's already casting. These films are border line gems but you can't find a shiny gem if it's being covered by turds like Kirkendall/Carolous/Morgan