Feast 3: The Happy Finish

I was for sure the third film couldn't possibly be as painful as the second one, and boy was I wrong. Just the underground strobe light sequence where you can't decipher what the hell was going on as infected humans, a monster, and our lone survivors are duking it out, I went for the Tylenol. This film deals with those left alive at the end of the second film, dealing with the monsters as they discover three new characters along the way. One is a prepared and confident leader type whose fate is sealed when he attempts to show Secrets how to shoot a pistol. One is a very talented martial artist whose arms are both eaten off leaving him little help to anyone. The third is a prophet who seems to have the gift to ward off the monsters, only to discover that it's the screeching sound of his ear piece causing them to move away. The prophet talks the remaining members from the second film into going underground in the sewer tunnels and this idea, while seeming like an ideal strategy, doesn't help them as infected human freaks, demented and violent, are wandering around. And, behind them comes a monster. Those that remain include Biker Queen(Diane Goldner), Secrets(Hanna Putnam), Greg(Tom Gulager), Lightning(Juan Longoria García), Bartender(Clu Gulager), and Tat Girl(Chelsea Richards). Following the Prophet, they encounter far more danger than possibly realized. At the start of the film, they are able to finally get inside the sheriff's office, getting their revenge on Hobo(William Prael)who kept the building locked tight, by beating him to a pulp. When they realize that this will only service them temporarily, the gang splits up after exiting. Discovering Hobo's meth lab(..in a school bus buried under the earth), Biker Queen and Tat Girl finally believe they will be able to finally flee the premises, encountering engine problems. That's when they meet the Prophet, watching him command the monsters to scatter, and follow him into the sewers. I don't know what director Gulager was attempting to accomplish with the ending, regarding the giant robot, but I was at my wit's end with the movie anyway. You get plenty of bloody carnage, but seeing what's going on is a major factor I struggled with. I soon just gave up caring and followed the mind-numbingly brain-dead flick until it's conclusion, breathing a sigh of relief as the Elvis impersonator was singing some song in Mexican as the credits rolled. For those that care, Slasher(Carl Anthony Payne II)gets anal raped by a monster who impregnates him, creating a hybrid human creature spawn! When the movie moves underground, almost all of it is incomprehensible and dark. There's some use of "nocturna vision", but even that is shot in such a haphazard manner, I doubt few will be satisfied. And, as the first two films proved, these characters have little worth, so their deaths couldn't come fast enough. John Allen Nelson is Sh#tkicker, the hero stereotype Gulager gets rid of just for the hell of it and Craig Henningsen is Jean Claude Seagal, the kickboxer who doesn't hold onto his arms very long. Josh Blue barely registers as Prophet, under a cloak, he mumbles directions and occasionally tells the monsters to take a hike as others complain of how noisy his hearing aid is, not knowing that it's loud frequency irritates the beasties. Greg goes almost the entire film with that pipe jammed into his face, and Bartender attempts to cauterize Claude Seagal's wounds like in Rambo III blowing the poor kid's other arm off!

As breathlessly anticipated, FEAST III brings the most monstrous menage a trois in the history of skinema to a fitting climax... It's a balls-out, balls-to-the-walls wallbanger. Literally. Characters come and go with wild abandon. Monsters come and go. "Short Bus Gus" is easily the funniest "hero" to hit the screen since "Short Bus" Stiller (and Robert Downey) in TROPIC THUNDER. It was sad to see "Tats" go, but, if the prior two FEASTs are any indication, her death may only be temporary. (And the indication that there may be a fourth entry in the series is encouraging.) FEAST III is a fistload of fun, no doubt about it. (And I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing the origin of the monsters done like a black and white 1950s SF shocker. It could be titled FOUR PLAY...) If you liked BUBBA HO-TEP, you'll love the three-course meal that is the FEAST trilogy.

Better than II or worse then II? There is some debate on that. At least we can clearly see the monsters in this one. The gore is worse than ever with decapitations, and the monster eating the head whole, and then, I kid you not, eliminating the uneaten head. If you have epilepsy, you might not want to watch the last 10 minutes or so. It flashes on and off and it made me dizzy. It was better that Feast II, but not by much. It was a gore-fest with lots of action, but it was hard to follow exactly what was going on most of the time. The ending was a real shock!

Loved the first two, very unpredictable and amusing. This one feels formulaic and dull. You can't really tell what is going on (as mentioned elsewhere) most of the scenes are in darkness with flashing lights and shaky camera work. I had to constantly prize my finger away from the fast forward button as the characters twittered on or trudged down another pitch black sewer. It feels like this film is the unwanted runt of the litter, undernourished and unloved. The ending was so bad I wonder if the director has grown bored of the Feast franchise and hammered nails into its coffin so he wouldn't be bugged about making a fourth.

If you like cheesy (and gory) horror then you'll probably have seen the original 'Feast' film. It was nice and compact, with plenty of claret spewing all over the place, not to mention a few surprising moments which deliberately defied convention. Then came the second chapter, which did its best to 'up the ante' and be more outrageous and generally more violent. It succeeded, but somehow it lost all its charm. 'Part III' was made back to back with Part II and therefore feels exactly like the second half. Sadly, although it too contains extreme violence and black humour, it doesn't compare to the original. Just like Part II, the characters are unlikeable, the monsters look like big men in rubber suits and the story sort of ambles from set-piece to set-piece. When I'm the mood for a story like 'Feast' I'll watch all three. Parts II and III have their moments, but the original was best and always will be. If you're just a casual horror fan, stick with the first one and avoid the second pair. http://thewrongtreemoviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/

After the demented roller-coaster ride in part two, this boring and literally unwatchable appendix is quite a let-down compared to the earlier installments. Despite the far-fetched ending, which is so absurd as to be actually funny, we've got more of the same, but with diminishing returns (and badly lit at that.) The newly introduced characters aren't that much of a big deal, either, and the blissfully short running time reflects the uninspired nature of the whole schlock parade. It was time to end this carnage. 3 out of 10 (h)armless karate kids

The third and last Feast part didn't seem as bad as the second, possibly because it was more about running away from the monsters and less about trying to make the characters look funny. It is difficult to enjoy a movie when you can't make yourself to care about any of the characters. And when the gore and weirdness goes completely over the top, you just stop caring. Bottom line: Feast was a movie I recommend to all my friends, but the second and the third installments are just bad. It is "I wish I would have cleaned the house instead of watching it" bad. It's really depressing to see a movie bring some originality in a tired genre only to try too hard by making sequels that lack the soul of the first and exaggerate everything that didn't matter in the first place.

I haven't read up on the making of, but this one feels like it was shot back-to-back with part 2. Actually it feels more like a successor (in tone and story-wise) to its predecessor than part 1 does with any of those two sequels. If you take into account that the first one was the best one, that isn't really a good thing though. But we have our written introductions back, which is a nice thing. Still worked best in the first Feast movie though. The subtitle of the movie is happy finish, but I kinda have a feeling they wanted to use "endings" instead of finish. I might be wrong, but that would have been more of a fit (especially thinking of "sloppy seconds" and its meaning). Some nice ideas and one theme towards the end, that reminded me of something out of a Monthy Python movie (and the Holy Grail that is). And because you can't satisfy everybody with an ending, we get the "wtf" treatment here. Same director as the other Feast movies

Feast III: The Happy Finish continues directly from where the last one ended. It's like they were filmed simultaneously. Had to be. Honey Pie's final fate is decided in the very beginning and we're treated to a very nice crapping scene that's quite literally right in your face. Best line of the movie? There's 2. One is during an argument where a female gang member said, "(starts with a 'b,' rhymes with itch), I will (rhymes with suck, starts with an 'f') you up!" It ain't what she said, it's how she said it. Awesome stuff! The other is when a new character is introduced. He said, "I got the gift, (starts with the letter 'f,' rhymes with maggots)!" You'll see what he's referring to when you see this. This movie would be just like the 2nd part with more absurdities and new characters that add to that mix. It's a continuation through and through but some scenes tend to drag out, like when they were in the sewer. Some made little sense, like the mutated humans. It got to the point where it was almost without direction because stuff was happening that didn't lend much to story progression and it's the same creative team who did the first 2. You expect a certain level of quality. The beginning and middle of the movie are what they should be. The end is where everything starts going south. From the survivors fighting their way out of the mutant herd, to biting away at one of the monsters as if they were monsters themselves, to the worst ending of any movie I have ever seen. Yes, I said it, THE WORST ENDING TO ANY MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! The ending just makes everything else that happens prior seem meaningless. You forget about all the humor and other good stuff because it's just that bad. It's almost like they ran out of ideas and just put something together for the sake of completeness. A better ending would have been the monster at the end being benevolent and it did seem that way. And then they could have went out into the city safe zone where they were trying to get to and proceeded with the plot. Not the pure garbage that was given to us. I don't know what anyone involved with the ending of this movie was thinking. No one spoke up or said anything? No one told the writers that this was stupid? Did them or Gulager really have something to do with this? It just makes not one shred of sense in comparison to EVERYTHING that came before it. I don't get it. Oh yeah, there's nudity in this flick too. One of the biker chicks bites the big one and you're treated to some really good, close-up boob shots if you like that sort of thing. From Feast I all the way to the middle of Feast III, you'll be completely and totally entertained. But the last act in Feast III, I don't know, man. I don't know what happened there. I'm purposely not saying what happened because if you haven't seen these flicks yet, you need to. Despite the horrible (not happy) finish, I'd recommend getting all of these as a set on DVD/Blu-ray. They're all worth paying for and all worth watching back to back to back. Enjoy the first part, don't eat when watching the second one, and be prepared for the crappy finish to the 3rd. They're even considering a fourth part. After the fiasco with part 3's climax, please don't do it unless you plan on exploring the origins of the creatures. Feast III gets 4 out of 10 stars. Would have gotten 6 but the ending really is that bad.

Would someone please give Gulager a script worthy of his talent? It is clear in all three "Feast" films that Gulager has genuine talent as a director, but the Feast scripts are increasingly puerile. The writing is neither funny nor clever, though it is clear that it thinks it is. Give Gulager a script like The Man Who Wasn't There or In Bruges and let him shine. No more Dunstan and Melton scripts...please! Even at the most basic levels, these screenplays are flawed. For example, in Feast II (subtitled "Sloppy Seconds" for no other reason than it makes nine-year-olds titter), characters behave inconsistently--one moment they risk their lives to save another and the next they are chickens who toss kids to monsters to save themselves--actions are implausible, and dialog is juvenile. Pouring gore onto the actors doesn't make up for a flawed story. And...there is no story here to speak of other than a bunch of cartoon characters running around getting eviscerated by monsters. If it weren't for Gulager's contribution, these films would be among the worst ever made.