Elves

The movie is bad

source: Elves

Now, I'm no film connoisseur by any means, but I am an avid fan of Nordic noir, I went into this with my eyes wide shut, I must add I did hope for a little more than what I got. Starts off reminiscent of guillermo del toro fantasy but soon plummets into a mix between jurrasic park and the Bridge of Terebithia, with a few slayings in between and some mundane "heroics" thrown in for bad measure. I hadn't actually finished the entire film when I started writing this review because quite frankly I had enough and I thought everyone should know about it. I also read someone refer to it as "E. T vs Wickerman" and that about sums it up really. Thank you and goodnight.

Terrible acting, terrible plot, terrible dialogue, terrible CGI. Absolutely atrocious. Nothing in the movie makes sense. The only thing I can give it is that it is more competent than the first film. It's not even original, as most of the plot is a complete rip-off of Truth or Dare (2018), just done way worse. The characters even acknowledge this fact.

Well, sure I didn't have much of any expectations for this movie when I sat down to watch the 2018 movie titled "Elves" from director Jamaal Burden. But still, I do believe that a movie should be given a fair chance. So I sat down to watch "Elves". And it turned out that it was a massive waste of time. The movie is amateurish at best. And the entire movie just feels like a school project of some sort. I mean, there is very little contents to the storyline that would actually warrant a movie. And it feels like director Jamaal Burden just improvised his way through the script as he went along. The entertainment value of the movie is very low; so low, in fact, that I didn't even manage to finish the movie. I just gave up about halfway through it. Why? Well, because there was next to nothing to keep me entertained from what I had suffered through in the first half, so there really was no need to continue the ordeal. For a horror movie, then "Elves" was mundane, terribly mundane. And if you enjoy a proper horror movie, then your money, time and effort is best spent elsewhere. I am rating "Elves" a two out of ten stars rating, solely because they did try on some level. But I am not returning to finish the rest of the movie, as there really is no cause for doing that. I can't really say that I had any interest in the lack of proper storyline or the mundane characters that milled about with their head under their arms.

A deadly game involving elf dolls (not elves at all) this started out ok when it was hinting that a group of people do an ancient game in modern times and do as suggested. This film gets more away and not pin point to the subject. The characters deaths are mostly nonsensical and involving the dolls which doesn't do much of anything as the film poster entells... As you get further into the film it becomes more into folk lore and Christmas but doesn't explain enough and also late in the movie and even then not sufficient to be injected into the story.

A haunted elf doll traps all who end up on it's naughty list in a deadly game...of murder. Once your in the game, your in...and must do whatever the elf says. It's kill or be killed...or even, sometimes, kill and be killed. It's latest victims are a group of friends who have been lured into it's grips by the sole survivor of the last round of the game. The only way out is to fulfill the elf's demands under it's watchful eye. Through death. Or by sending back them to Hell (as, apparently, there are several...though you'd never be able to tell, if they didn't specifically mention it). This is one of those D-grade "home-made horrors", with uninspired kills, paltry special effects, and virtually no gore. The acting is bad, the cinematography is basic (and at times oversaturated), and the story is full of plot holes. Really, the only reason anyone would ever watch it, is because they ran out of other Christmas-themed horror films to indulge in (like I have)...or by accident. It's far inferior to the 1989 film of the same name...though, it's not as bad as The Elf (2017)...but it's pretty damn close. Proof that literally anyone can make a movie in the digital age. 1.5 out of 10.

The cover caught me and I like the idea of killer elves. The movie, unlike High Octane's customized cover, lacks rich colors, depth, or masterfully created killer elves. This film stars a lot of white walls, campy acting and a contrived plot. It's a solid attempt but has the feel of a beginner indie film for sure.

Why did I do this to myself? There was ample forewarning before I ever pressed "play," and I knew exactly what I was committing to. As it is I've seen too many other features of this nature. Yet here we are. Unsurprisingly, 'Elves' is poppycock. The only question is if writers Justin Price and Laura Beaumont and director Jamaal Burden intentionally made a film of utmost terrible schlock, or if they aimed higher and altogether lacked the resources or capabilities to achieve it. Is this purposeful pablum - a bone-dry parody, even - or utmost incidental misfire? I haven't seen any other movies involving anyone participating here, so I can make no judgment except on this picture's merits. All I can say is - for your own sake, don't watch this. The assembled cast members have few if any other credits to their names, and those other titles certainly appear to be on the same level as 'Elves.' Are they all terrible actors? Given the near-absolute lack of nuance or heart in their inauthentic, disinterested, stilted performances, that's a distinct possibility. In the delivery of their lines, in their reactions, and in the most rudimentary movements in any instance, it's hard not to feel like they're not even trying. But in fairness, the material is so desperately thin that I think even award-winning world-class artists would struggle to make something of this. And Burden's direction is - well, a burden to behold. No subtlety, no mindfulness, no care, amateur camerawork and poorly considered shots - and at the same time that he seems to be feeding his cast lines and instructing them scene by scene, there's also a staggering disconnect between Burden and the actors, as though neither player nor director had any concern for what the other was trying to accomplish in any one moment. There are microscopic fragments of ideas underlying the screenplay. Any attempt to expand upon these ideas, or provide explanations of them, is astoundingly weak, contrived, absolutely unclear and sometimes seemingly contradictory, shattering whatever suspension of disbelief we may have carried with us into this experience. Why, the mechanism of "the naughty list," the way that "the game" and "the elves" are supposed to operate in-universe, is never evident - not for lack of trying, but because the movie makes the core of its own plot wholly confused and incomprehensible. Characters are such hollow set pieces that they barely exist, and dialogue is rotten, repetitive, and generally carelessly penned. Scene writing is haphazard, artless, and flailing in its sloppiness - and, again, very repetitive. And the narrative is all this - and brazenly disjointed, increasingly fractured and muddled, and monumentally specious, beyond comparison to any other film that readily comes to mind. Those special effects that are employed are below the bottom of the barrel - I can't believe I'm saying this (for the second time in one month), but productions from The Asylum are far more believable and fastidious in their rendering than this. Every element of the film's technical craft and rounding details are either abysmal themselves, or so dubiously overwhelmed by all the other tawdriness on hand that they become totally negligible. And when I speak to the putrescence that 'Elves' represents, I mean it wholeheartedly: the specks of story ideas from which the picture is built do not begin to outweigh the witheringly rancid waste of time it is otherwise, in every imaginable way. So many of these 80 minutes fail to make sense as they present to use, ensuring the entirety is a godawful mishmash of purely foolish gobbledygook. There is no value here, and no reason whatsoever to watch it. If 'Elves' isn't the worst movie ever made, it's only because it's effectively tied, on par, with too much other cinematic sludge. Avoid.

The movie wasn't scary matter of fact I was laughing everything just looked so fake and the actors/actresses were horrible don't get your hopes up and for a 2018 movie it seems like a 1980s maybe even 1970s movie because of the effects