Diamond Dogs

Xander Ronson (Dolph)is an American ex-Green Beret laying low in Inner Mongolia, of all places. He's deeply in debt, and fights in...wait for it...illegal underground Punchfighting matches to make ends meet. Brought before a judge, it is determined he must finally pay all his debts or go to prison. Luckily - or perhaps not - this is just when snobbish jerkbag Chambers (Shriver) offers Ronson a lucrative job. He hires him to act as security as he travels with his team to go deep into uncharted territory to find something called the Tangka - a Buddhist tapestry said to be cursed. With few options at hand, Ronson reluctantly accepts. The beautiful Anika (Yu) is the stepdaughter to chambers, and following her is likely what truly entices Ronson. In addition to trying to get the Tangka and all the pitfalls they encounter along the way, another team of baddies is chasing them, and these guys will stop at nothing to get it. Who will end up with this sacred artifact? (Meaning the Tangka, not a DVD of Diamond Dogs). At the outset when we see Dolph somewhat down on his luck, and Punchfighting in another land, it immediately brings to mind Sweepers (1998), where similar things go on. Dolph, with his shaved head, looks especially grizzled here, and that's to his credit - he does a nice acting job, and with little flash. There's plenty of violence on show, leading the viewer to conclude this is a worthy Dolph adventure story, more or less. While this "Saturday afternoon adventure" falls somewhere between big-budget opuses like the Indiana Jones series and Direct-To-Video items like Skeleton Coast (1988) or Laser Mission (1989), it's reasonably well-made and has some impressive locations. It should also be noted that there's a reference to the Stallone classic Over the Top hidden in the movie somewhere. See if you can find it. Shriver, in his first credited movie role, plays the obnoxious, hate-able baddie whose hairstyle isn't just a ponytail - that wouldn't be irritating enough - it's actually some sort of ponytail bun, also does a noteworthy acting job, assuming his personality isn't really like that in real life. Ronson shows amazing patience with him - this movie would get five stars if after the thousandth snide, catty remark Chambers makes, Dolph just punches through his face, but alas, it's not to be. In a big budget version, we felt Kevin Spacey could have played Chambers. Although the film is called Diamond Dogs, neither diamonds, dogs, nor David Bowie are anywhere in sight. Interestingly, it can be surmised that the writers of the film are glam rock fans, judging by the title and the choice to name Dolph's character Ronson, presumably after Mick Ronson, who among other career achievements played with David Bowie. And seeing as there were supposedly production problems on this film, and a presumed sequel got axed, Bowie can never make a cameo in the future. Despite pockets of dullness that spring up throughout the film, Diamond Dogs is a decent Dolph outing. It won't blow your socks away, but for a later Dolph it's a good one-time watch. For more insanity, please drop by to: comeuppancereviews.com

Nothing really special here. Dolph Lundgren plays a disgraced Army Officer who hides in Mongolia. he has managed to get himself $20,000 in debt to various people. A saviour arrives in the form of a fortune hunter looking for an ancient tapestry. A group of Russians are also looking for it. Now, you add all this together and it spells lots of gunfire, and a bit of hand to hand combat, and the usual terrible dialog in a cheapo version of Indiana Jones. But, if you like Dolph Lundgren, you won't be disappointed, and isn't that why you are watching?

Former Green Beret and now professional fighter/gambler Xander Ronson (Dolph Lundgren) is hired by millionaire Chambers (William Shriver) to lead his group on a search in Mongolia for the Tangka, a Buddhist text missing since the Russian crackdown on religion in the region in the 1930s. Naturally, there is a sinister group after them looking to steal the Tangka once it is discovered. This Dolph vehicle was finished 2 years ago, but is finally seeing release in the US via Sony DVD. While not up to the level of his recent directorial efforts (THE DEFENDER, THE MECHANIK, MISSIONARY MAN), it is worth seeing for the gritty tone and tons of violence. It also features some great location photography in mainland China and the unknown supporting cast also helps out with the realism. Now if anyone can explain why it is called DIAMOND DOGS, please let me know. :)

I started watching this movie with some hope it might be somewhat decent. I am no expert reviewer at all, but I could tell from the very first scene that this was a spectacularly low budget film. Somehow, I slogged my way through the film. Our hero, Ronson, is a big ex-Green Beret O-3, who is down on his luck in Mongolia. THe film certainly looks shot on location, with Ronson competing in a UFC style fighting situation. With the cheesy voice-overs at the beginning and end of the film explaining what was going on and the search for an ancient buried relic, I can say this movie is uninspiring at best. Some random fighting scenes, driving around in the Mongolian outback with some of the worst acting ever. Even some of the camera shots were awful, I could tell the cameraman was just walking backward as the camera jiggled with each step. I felt I could have done a better film in that respect (as well as the script and acting by most of the characters) back in high school. I wouldn't bother watching this movie, its not even a watchable flick, IMO. I don't know how I sat through it.

While you basically know what you will get with a Dolph Lundgren movie, this particular 2007 movie was as pointless as it was boring. And it wasn't particularly action-filled either. The story is about Ronson (played by Dolph Lundgren) who is ridden with a growing debt in remote Mongolia. Facing imprisonment, Ronson comes into lucrative chance to earn money by helping an art collector from New York to collect an ancient Mongolian artifact. But the path to riches is filled with peril. Althrough the entire movie there was an overshadowing sensation of no one involved with the movie were really buying into the storyline or the movie itself. And that dragged the movie down badly. Even Dolph Lundgren seemed to be running on autopilot. I didn't really understand the title of the movie as it made no sense to anything that was taking place throughout the course of the movie. The few action sequences that were in the movie, though, were well enough executed. And that, at least, does count for something. "Diamond Dogs" is a less than mediocre action movie that offers absolutely nothing interesting to the viewers.

Xander Ronson (Dolph)is an American ex-Green Beret laying low in Inner Mongolia, of all places. He's deeply in debt, and fights in...wait for it...illegal underground Punchfighting matches to make ends meet. Brought before a judge, it is determined he must finally pay all his debts or go to prison. Luckily - or perhaps not - this is just when snobbish jerkbag Chambers (Shriver) offers Ronson a lucrative job. He hires him to act as security as he travels with his team to go deep into uncharted territory to find something called the Tangka - a Buddhist tapestry said to be cursed. With few options at hand, Ronson reluctantly accepts. The beautiful Anika (Yu) is the stepdaughter to chambers, and following her is likely what truly entices Ronson. In addition to trying to get the Tangka and all the pitfalls they encounter along the way, another team of baddies is chasing them, and these guys will stop at nothing to get it. Who will end up with this sacred artifact? (Meaning the Tangka, not a DVD of Diamond Dogs). At the outset when we see Dolph somewhat down on his luck, and Punchfighting in another land, it immediately brings to mind Sweepers (1998), where similar things go on. Dolph, with his shaved head, looks especially grizzled here, and that's to his credit - he does a nice acting job, and with little flash. There's plenty of violence on show, leading the viewer to conclude this is a worthy Dolph adventure story, more or less. While this "Saturday afternoon adventure" falls somewhere between big-budget opuses like the Indiana Jones series and Direct-To-Video items like Skeleton Coast (1988) or Laser Mission (1989), it's reasonably well-made and has some impressive locations. It should also be noted that there's a reference to the Stallone classic Over the Top hidden in the movie somewhere. See if you can find it. Shriver, in his first credited movie role, plays the obnoxious, hate-able baddie whose hairstyle isn't just a ponytail - that wouldn't be irritating enough - it's actually some sort of ponytail bun, also does a noteworthy acting job, assuming his personality isn't really like that in real life. Ronson shows amazing patience with him - this movie would get five stars if after the thousandth snide, catty remark Chambers makes, Dolph just punches through his face, but alas, it's not to be. In a big budget version, we felt Kevin Spacey could have played Chambers. Although the film is called Diamond Dogs, neither diamonds, dogs, nor David Bowie are anywhere in sight. Interestingly, it can be surmised that the writers of the film are glam rock fans, judging by the title and the choice to name Dolph's character Ronson, presumably after Mick Ronson, who among other career achievements played with David Bowie. And seeing as there were supposedly production problems on this film, and a presumed sequel got axed, Bowie can never make a cameo in the future. Despite pockets of dullness that spring up throughout the film, Diamond Dogs is a decent Dolph outing. It won't blow your socks away, but for a later Dolph it's a good one-time watch. For more insanity, please drop by to: comeuppancereviews.com

Just another Seagal-Van Damme-Dudikoff type movie where martial arts, beautiful Asian women vs ugly Asian men, picturesque Oriental landscape and treasure hunt have been somewhat clumsily mixed into an action movie. Like in many movies with Lundgren, Russians are bad and greedy again... And of course, there are lots of fight and chase scenes so playfully resolved by Lundgren's character himself. In spite of his age (he was almost 50 during the filming) he still looks strong and fit. The plot, directing and camera work have their shortcomings, but the movie is not "yawning", logic of the course is still there, the ending is not 100% anticipated and the length (1,5 hours) is just appropriate for killing time.

Dolph Lundgren is an action actor. He plays characters that are always one step above everyone. He always has the best skills, the best lines and the most screen time. But no matter how strong these particular elements are, if everything else is bad, the movie will be bad. And that is exactly where this movie falls down the tubes. Dolph Lundgren plays an ex-military man, Xander Ronson who had a bad history with friendly fire. Now, he lives in Asia to escape his problems by taking part in illegal gambling. After being ambushed by the police, he is told that he owes a huge debt to many people he borrowed money from and if he doesn't get it within 2 weeks, he goes to jail. Luckily for him, a greedy artifact collector named Mr. Chambers (William Shriver) approaches Ronson. If Ronson helps Chambers find the ancient artifact, Ronson will be able to pay off the debts. That's about it for plot and from there, it doesn't go anywhere else. The writer, Léopold St-Pierre, probably didn't review his screenplay enough because the film ends exactly the way it starts out, which could make many viewers feel like watching this movie wasn't even worth the parts that were credible. Here's the good parts. First is Dolph Lundgren, if you're a fan of him. There's not doubt that he puts in the best performance. It is frustrating because most of his films contain a lot of good lines. Here, Mr. Lundgren only spews out a couple. The only other actor I enjoyed was Nan Yu, the actress who is now best known for playing Maggie in Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables 2 (2012). But it's funny too because after watching this picture, it'll be obvious to why Lundgren's character hit on Maggie so much in EXP2. The music provided by Larry Cohen was OK but not fantastic either. The good thing is that it reflected a lot of the culture that was on screen so I'm glad Cohen respected that. And if there's one thing to learn from this movie on a moral standard, it is that greed always makes everyone lose. That's just how the cookie crumbles. That's it for what is considered good, and by good I mean passable for this movie. What really brings this production down are the bad guys, action and camera shots (along with the writing already mentioned). A lot of the time, the camera just can't stay focused, which can make the viewing experience very annoying. Plus, for a Lundgren film, the action was very light. It made Detention (2003) look like an action packed blockbuster. It'll be a half-hour or more before any shooting starts. Lastly, the villains are what will anger people the most. William Shriver as the greedy Mr. Chambers has a squealy little voice and a puny figure compared to Mr. Lundgren, which makes them seem very mismatched in a bad way. And although the Chambers character is suppose to come off as threatening, Shriver doesn't pose himself as one because when he makes threats to Lundgren's character, he just roles it off like it didn't mean much to begin with. Chambers just comes off as a sniveling weasel with no backbone instead of a real villain, making any real threat obsolete. I thought it couldn't get any worse than Detention (2003), but I was wrong. I don't even know what the title has to do with anything in this movie! Dolph Lundgren and Nan Yu act passably but they are far too overshadowed by the weak villains, minimal action sequences, unsteady camera shots and poor writing. This is a time waste of a movie.

They don't make them like these anymore - and I'm really glad they don't. I was truly shocked at how bad this is. I expected at least a mind-numbing time-waster - this wastes time but it doesn't numb the mind; throughout I was reminded how foolish I was for renting this. The composition and editing and design are pure '70s chop-socky, except without any real kung fu. Very amateurish production; plot that promises much and goes nowhere. An attempted Chinese-Canandian production that doesn't really know what it wants to accomplish. Stereotypical performances of stereotypical characters. There are some hints at something finer in the script but the poor direction and impoverished production subvert it. Big disappointment even for Lundgren fans.

Former Green Beret and now professional fighter/gambler Xander Ronson (Dolph Lundgren) is hired by millionaire Chambers (William Shriver) to lead his group on a search in Mongolia for the Tangka, a Buddhist text missing since the Russian crackdown on religion in the region in the 1930s. Naturally, there is a sinister group after them looking to steal the Tangka once it is discovered. This Dolph vehicle was finished 2 years ago, but is finally seeing release in the US via Sony DVD. While not up to the level of his recent directorial efforts (THE DEFENDER, THE MECHANIK, MISSIONARY MAN), it is worth seeing for the gritty tone and tons of violence. It also features some great location photography in mainland China and the unknown supporting cast also helps out with the realism. Now if anyone can explain why it is called DIAMOND DOGS, please let me know. :)