Computer Killers

Those who deprecate this film for its wooden acting, improbable plot, ridiculous dialogue, and dire special effects are missing the point. It's a romp. More tongue-in-cheek spoof of Hammer Horror than anything else, this openly silly flick is fabulously enjoyable. Just don't expect to be scared, because it's meant to be ludicrous. The scene of a dwarf (the superb Skip Martin) arranging a pair of drugged biker guards in order to use them as a stepladder is brilliantly funny, and evokes classic comedy from the era of Vaudeville. Laurel & Hardy, Bob Hope, and Abbot & Costello also appeared in tongue-in-cheek "scary" movies of a similar ilk, but this quintessentially British product throws in a cheerful dollop of seaside-postcard "Carry On" style foolishness with Robin Askwith from the "Confessions of ..." sex comedy series. Enjoy!

Two dumb 20 somethings, Jason (Robin Askwith) and Judy (Vanessa Shaw) travel to a remote castle in the middle of nowhere in England--him for a vacation, her to meet her aunt (Ellen Pollock). Unfortunately, the place is run by mad Doc Storm (Michael Gough) who, with the aunt and his dwarf assistant (Skip Martin) have some interesting ideas for the two. The film opens with a great double decapitation and has a creepy moment when Shaw discovers a "dormitory" but that's about it. The plot is vague...to put it nicely and has really stupid dialogue and scenes (i.e. Doc Storm tells Jason all about his experiments out there...for no reason at all). There's plenty of blood but the "special" effects are pitiful and there's way too much gratuitous female nudity--one very ugly scene has a * women brutally beaten to death with a cane. Also the movie moves very slowly and is dull. The acting varies: Askwith is ugly and annoying with a horrible 70s hairstyle; Shaw is beautiful but wooden; Pollock looks embarassed...only Gough seems to be enjoying himself while chewing the scenery as Storm. Skip Martin, on the other hand, REALLY overacts...he makes Gough look like a Method actor! I give this a 2 for Gough and the cool guys in leather on the motorcycles. Otherwise this is vague, boring and stupid. Don't bother.

Elderly horror films starring Michael Gough as a dangerously insane butcher are always great fun, since the gore is so over-the-top and the story lines are so hilariously inept. Just look at "Horrors of the Black Museum" or "Satan's Slave", for example! It simply seems that casting Michael Gough inevitably results in a horror film that can't possibly be taken serious. "Horror Hospital" lifts up this theory to an even higher level of grotesquerie, as the plot is indescribably absurd, Gough's character is more demented than ever and the script is just filled with goofs, stupidities and illogicalness! Michael Gough is Doctor Christian Storm, supposedly a brilliant disciple of Pavlov once, but now a crippled lunatic who enjoys swooping off people's heads with his Rolls Royce (now there's one killing method you have to see in order to believe!). Although he's not very good at it, Storm attempts to control and master human feelings of sexuality so he performs brain-operations on youngsters and keeps their zombified leftovers locked away in his rural castle. You can't really be too harsh on this film, since writer/directed Antony Balch clearly opted for a light-headed and comical tone. Cliché after cliché is unscrupulously presented while the violence (although plenty of it) is never shocking or disturbing. Not once during the whole film I really understood what exactly Storm is trying to achieve with his operations (my best guess is that he wants to copulate with the female patients after disfiguring their brains), but I gladly witnessed how he cut open their heads and served the brains on a plate for them to see! The castle (referred to in the movie as a "health-farm") is a great horror setting and there are a couple of very ingenious gimmicks. The most fun definitely is to track down all the things in "Horror Hospital" that don't make the slightest bit of sense: the machete attached to the car can't possibly reach someone's head (unless they were all midgets like Skip Martin) and Storm's biker-henchmen just seem to keep on coming, like they're appearing out of nowhere. This movie is one of those exquisite British horror oddities released during the early 70's; too silly to be produced by Hammer but way too much fun to forget about them entirely. Watch it when you can!

The movie sucks. Yes, it does, but I rated this movie highly based on one thing. The HUGE laugh you get when Abraham is introduced into the film. All throughout the movie there is a slow, deep ominous overtone, but when the camera cuts from a horrific scene to Abraham's first shot, SUPER HAPPY MUSIC PLAYS, and he walks around like he can hear it!!! Also he's looking away from the mansion, then he turns to it like 'oh here it is,' then grooves up the sidewalk and proudly proclaims, "I'm lookin for my chick." Very funny. A bit off-tone, but hey, its an old horror flick. Do they have a tone?

If Richard O'Brien, writer of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show", wasn't inspired to write his movie after seeing "Horror Hospital" I'd be very surprised. So many similar subjects: sexually active couple in old castle/mansion, leather clad bikers, gore, evil doctor, brain manipulated minions. Even the couple's arrival is almost a carbon copy of Brad and Janet's greeting by Riff Raff who is in this case a freaky dwarf (pc - little person). This movie was released in 73' which would have been just a year before he began the songs for his soon to be musical "Rock(y) Horror Show." This is a must see for any RHPS fans.

This ranks as one of the most terrible films i've ever come across. Hidden away late at night, this little British ball of rubbish contains the following: AWFUL acting. AWFUL storyline. AWFUL progression. AWFUL photography. Actually, I don't think I can go on, because the AWFUL list is so huge, that it might take me a few days to write it all! The only safe place you can watch this film is at some ground zero in the desert, where it belongs, and where it should be blown up and erased from the face of the planet. HOWEVER, despite the terribleness and the teeth grinding ridiculousness of it, I could not stop watching. I suppose this film is just enjoyably awful. Whatever. I don't want to spare another moment of my life thinking about this film. I just lost and hour and twenty sitting through it. Watch with caution....

A lot of people seem to be under the impression that this film is a deliberate attempt at doing a blackly comical horror movie and I guess the opening dialogue of " Look at that faggot . He thinks he's Greta Garbo but he looks like a lemon meringue pie " does give the impression that HORROR HOSPITAL is tongue in cheek but I think it's a just an awful movie Take Judy's introduction scene where she meets Jason on the train ( And lets ignore the fact of how this defies statistical odds ) where she feels uncomfortable in the company of the laddish bloke but for reasons known only to the screenwriter tells both Jason and the audience her entire life story . Yeah I know it's exposition but couldn't it have been done in a more logical manner ? In fact that's the serious problem with the movie there's no type of internal or external logic . Dr Storm gets pushed about in a wheelchair but it's revealed at the end that he never needed a wheelchair in the first place so why has he spent most of the running time in one ? Why haven't the relatives of the lobotomised zombies tracked their loved ones down with the exception of Millie's boyfriend ? These and a hundred other questions are never answered and while HORROR HOSPITAL never really takes itself too seriously that's no excuse for delivering a screenplay ridden with plot holes The directing isn't much better and feels like it was filmed in a cheap and cheerless manner by film students . The female characters of Judy and Millie are played by very pretty girls but unfortunately it's obvious their talents as actresses are non existent which makes me think they were only cast because they were the only females the producers could get who were willing to appear naked . Robin Askwith is alright as Jason but did we expect an Oscar worthy performance ? And I'm afraid Michael Gough is totally wasted . Gough could have been one of Britain's greatest actors of the 20th Century but his undoubted talents were wasted in appearing in total garbage like this , KONGA , TROG and SATAN'S SLAVE . Perhaps the quality of this movie can be summed up by the title credits which read " Guest starring Dennis Price " . When you've got a movie advertising cast members you've never heard of that's always a bad sign

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source: Computer Killers

Horror Hospital