Cemetery Man

This movie prioritizes being stylish over having an actual plot. People seem to be pretentious about this movie being "art". I guess the plot revolves around this guy killing zombies in an Italian cemetery while chasing this woman who keeps getting reincarnated or has a bunch of identical siblings or something. He has this Quasimodo like assistant who falls in love with the zombified head of a girl. There's a lot of just weird moments and dialogue. The movie ends with the plot twist from St. Elsewhere.

I have read all the hype on the boards and the comment areas from people who just love wacky Italian cinema and eat-up the surreal, unexplainable and frankly, nonsensical endings they often seem to employ like it was the latest dish. Sorry to report, as a HUGE fan of the Zombie genre, I would'nt even give this rental the time of day. Unwieldy plot, terrible sound, no captions to hear what the characters are whispering unintelligibly and below-average zombie makeups. The only thing this poor show had going for it was Anna F's great looking chest! If you rent it, get your money out of it here with the pause button on the very naked Anna in the graveyard. Why do all gunshots in these Italian movies all have that terrible sound effect used over and over and over????????? Save your money. Rent Dawn of the Dead. Or heres a real oldie for you: Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.

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source: Cemetery Man

wow. this movie was horribly drawn out, confusing, and hilarious all at the same time. apparently it's based on some Italian comic that was successful, and apparently a lot of people enjoyed this movie. basically the story (from my perspective) is about this dude who with his half-witted buddy takes care of this cemetery in Italy somewhere. And part of his job is to kill (can u really kill the undead?) the people as they rise from the dead. Somewhere throughout this 2 1/2hour? 3 hour? (felt like forever), he goes mad, kills some people and tries to leave and there's a plot twist where nothing else exists... the rest of the movie time is filled with exploding heads (this dude has great aim) and sex. now i said hilarious as part of my description because of all the sex that happens in the this zombie movie is pretty ridiculous... i mean he even starts making out with zombies, and his buddy has a zombie head for a while that he talks with and kisses too. overall if you're into artsy movies, and into zombie movies. You might just like it. if your looking for a good horror movie to watch with a couple of pals, skip this one and go for something like Psycho.

...are used to much better extremes in Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive." "Dellamorte Dellamore" is a plodding, pseudophilosophical tale of a lonely cemetery groundskeeper (a pre-superstar Rupert Everett), constantly killing off zombies that refuse to stay put. The film tries to cross as many genres as possible, but never settles on a firm even ground, so to speak (though Italian horror filmmakers aren't known for narrative or structural balance), and the result is a lopsided horror flick with a lot of small chuckles but nothing to write home about. The first act is a horror-comedy in the vein of "Evil Dead" or "Dead Alive"; the second is dominated by a sappy romantic subplot; and the third abandons any sense of coherence and goes right for the Pretentious David Lynch Mindbender. All the inconsistency eventually left me cold and bored. For a better example of this type of film, check out "Dead Alive," which is superior in every aspect. 5/10

I was assured that this was my kind of film. I was lied to. It is not funny (Black Sunday had more black humor). It is not original (can you say, `derivative'?). It is very slow and long and plodding and slow and long and plodding (etc.). Even knowing there was only about 15 minutes left, I couldn't take it anymore and rewound the tape (with extreme prejudice). Please keep all children under 36 and small mammals away from it. If you accidentally consume this film, you will have no choice but to induce vomiting. Bathe thoroughly, go to church, and think happy thoughts about all those good films you've seen until the experience fades.

The appeal of this film has to be the artsy Euro style, because there's absolutely no substance. A bunch of stuff happens that seems to be going somewhere... but it never gets there. It's difficult to come up with a full 10 lines of commentary, because this film is such a totally empty experience. There's lots of nice photography of a cemetery, some really lame zombie effects, some flashes of what might pass for surrealist humor, and a feeble, existentialist ending. These elements undermine each other. Just when you might be enjoying the creepy mood, there's some silliness with bouncing heads or zombie sex. To keep from screaming with boredom, you clutch at the minimal story line - and it disintegrates into ridiculous illogic. It's like someone took several half-baked B movies and tossed them in a blender. What comes out is mostly a film *about* meaninglessness - and *not* a good one. Clearly, it will impress that category of art-house fan who sees emptiness as indistinguishable from depth. Everyone else should stay well clear of this dreary mess.

I couldn't watch the whole movie. I thought it would be a dark omedy( The Last Supper and Shallow Grave are movies I will watch multiple times), but it wasn't. It was pure gore, with enough breast scenes to please the juvenile male it was aimed at. It was worse than Hollow Man. I wish I had turned it off in the first three minutes, rather than sticking with it for thirty thinking it must get better. Don't believe the other previews--if you like gory sex, this movie is for you. But if you prefer bleak comedy, horror, or philosophical jaunts, don't rent this movie.

In Michele Soavi's confusing art-house zombie film, Dellamorte Dellamore, Rupert Everett plays Francesco, a caretaker in a cemetery where the dead don't stay buried for long. Aided by his simple assistant, Gnaghi, Francesco deals with the cemetery's zombie problem by either shooting the undead in the head or splitting their skulls with a spade. However, soon after falling for the mysterious beautiful widow of one of his recently interred, Francesco finds himself busier than ever before Having garnered some particularly favourable comments from some of IMDb's more respected horror officianados, I decided to see what the fuss was all about. I've just finished watching the film, and I can honestly say that I haven't been this disappointed by a horror film for quite some time. With its dreary, muddled pseudo-philosophical plot, and an extremely bland performance from leading man Everett, Dellamorte Dellamore is an irritating and plodding mess that not even some splattery gore (courtesy of Sergio Stivaletti) and welcome gratuitous nudity (from busty Anna Fialchi) can save. I am at a loss to understand the amount of in-depth analysis and discussion that this pretentious bilge has received from its misguided fans.