Arctic Armageddon

As a former Navy man myself, I couldn't bear to watch this movie anymore. I watched 18 minutes. That's all I could handle. The biggest issue for me was this. The person in command of the submarine, walks into the control room. Firstly, none of the uniforms were right, but I'll let that slide for now. For reference of what I am going to talk about, here is the rankings of the US Navy. Seaman Recruit Seaman Apprentice Seaman Petty Officer 3rd Class Petty Officer 2nd Class Petty Officer 1st Class Chief Senior Chief Master Chief Ensign Lieutenant LT. Junior Grade Lt. Commander Commander Captain --- Admirals The person in command is wearing a Lt. Commander rank insignia. A Lt. Commander would typically never be in charge of a vessel. Usually, 99% of the time, it's a Captain or Admiral and the other 10% is a Commander. He addresses the Petty Officer 1st class (look above) as Commander and XO. XO is reserved for the second in command of a ship. So they had no one from Chief to LTJG to fill that spot? Not to mention, he called her Commander as he walked in.... Ummm he is in charge and higher rank than her. Why is he addressing a petty officer 1st class as Commander and why is she higher rank than him? Now. This is supposed to be a brand new, next level, technologically advanced submarine that was just retrofitted. Why, and in what right mind, would the leaders of the US military firstly, entrust the operation and classification of this vessel to FEMA, and then put it in the charge of a Lt. Commander and Petty Officer 1st Class???? Never. Something like that would without a doubt be placed in the care of an Admiral or at the very least a captain for it's first trip out. No one on the sub was wearing a submarine warfare pin. So apparently no one on that vessel was even qualified to be working on a submarine, let alone be in charge of one. Aside from the military inaccuracies, the very beginning of the movie made absolutely no sense. The whole ocean is freezing around the 2 people on the boat. THE OCEAN is freezing. Yet they somehow don't freeze. That is until they touch the boat. Once they grab a handle any part of the boat itself, they all of a sudden instant freeze. Then the wind blows and they vanish as if being blown away by the wind. Hmmmmm.... Yeah I cried a little on the inside watching this garbage and am surprised that someone sat through this long enough to finish it and rate it 3.1 stars... This movie never deserved to be made. James Mahoney, go back to working fast food and daydreaming. You're better at it.

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First, there's no action. It's all talk. And it's all "scientific" blah blah blah that bores you. Then, you have what could be considered a confidential and impactful conversation in front of all crew members. The special effects are so bad and every frame feels that they are in a set or stage. It's just awful. Even at the most "action" moments, there's so much talk. OMG. I wonder if the actors make these films because they need money or if they are doing someone a favor because I'd be embarrassed to be in a film like this one. Save yourself time and don't watch this movie. It is honestly not worth watching.

This movie falls under my top lousiest category from the very start. First of all this has to hold the record for worse acting in a movie. I felt like I was watching a bunch of robots playing humans. No doubt the worst politically correct movie I've had wasted 24 minutes on. (And the most famous drag queen in history was one of my friends in high school. Our Spanish teacher got him his first gig, while we were still in high school in 1964. None of us found that strange, in the 1960's, so that is not the problem.) Would I recommed this movie to my worse enemy, you betcha! Oh, I hope some of the actors survived this armageddon.

The actors are awful, the scenario is awful, the special effects are awful, everything is awful, to the point that they almost match the worst film ever filmed. However, I enjoyed it. A lot. I laughed at the indigent play of the actors, of the green screen effects, at the scenario which merits an igNobel Prize in Physics, everything is so low-cost that Ryan Air becomes Air France face to this inept film. However, I enjoyed the hairstyle of the actress playing Dr Wood, I will ask my wife to copy that haircut. Finally, I would like to thank the director who perpetrated this film. I spent an enjoyable moment by laughing in front of my TV.

It starts off smacking of low budget, possibly Indie... But actually all of the elements pull together and really make it work! In my opinion the extremely low ratings are unwarranted. The acting was a little spotty, some was excellent; some was "not so much" but good enough. The story was sound, and I appreciate that there weren't long drawn out scenes of silence while the camera portrays "work being done by the characters". Soooo agonizingly common these days both in TV and movies. This one pretty much had something happening all the time. And what I REALLY appreciate is that it was in a disaster situation, and people trying one idea after the other after the other, hoping that one of them will work. MANY MANY TRIES, that's much more realistic than general big Hollywood shows of thus genre. This meant pretty much constant suspense in a life and death situation. Was it high art? Probably not. Would I watch it again? Very possibly.

The first moment they show the navy sub that plays a central role in the movie, they show what looks like an auditorium, with a vaulted ceiling, not even a pretense of the tight spaces of a real submarine, and the cheesiest mock-up of radar stations I've ever seen. Then the Commanding Officer calls a woman "Commander" and "XO" (Executive Officer) who is wearing the proper insignia of a First Class Petty Officer (E-6), which is beyond stupid. It seems like they did it as a joke to see if anyone would notice. Every moment looks like something completely different from a submarine CO giving orders to his crew. All the other comments about the acting are really true. The acting is Mark-Hamill-as-Luke-Skywalker-in-the-first-Star-Wars-movie bad. I can't understand what inspired the 7 out of 10 rating, but it's certainly one of the worst movies you should spare yourself the trouble of watching.

source: Arctic Armageddon

Of course I had never heard about this 2023 natural disaster movie titled "Arctic Armageddon" prior to stumbling upon it here in 2024. And given my love of natural disaster movies, despite the fact that the majority of them are crap, then of course I opted to give the movie a chance. And seeing those two dreaded words on the screen, The Asylum, as the movie started, I have to admit that my expectations to the movie went from slim to none. Yeah, The Asylum aren't exactly known for their stellar movies. But every now and again they do spew out something worthwhile. "Arctic Armageddon" wasn't one of those rare instances where The Asylum churned out an impressive movie. In fact, writers Jeremiah Crothers and Tammy Klein delivered a massive heap of a dumpster fire. The entire movie was pointless, and it just amazingly boring and dull. There was so little of any natural disaster going on throughout the course of the 86 minutes that the movie ran for. Instead we are treated to the communication of people stuck in a submarine and some spearhead government group of people on land. Talk about a swing and a miss of a narrative. The only face on the cast list that I was familiar with was actor Patrick Labyorteaux. The acting performances in the movie were actually fair enough, but nothing outstanding or memorable, especially when taking into consideration the total lack of a properly interesting script and narrative that they had to work with. The effects in the movie weren't bad, and it is good to see that The Asylum are investing more in their effects department in comparison to their older movies. While I managed to endure the staggering 86 minutes of boredom that is "Arctic Armageddon", this is definitely not a natural disaster movie that I would recommend you to waste your time, money or effort on. Some of us suffered through this, so you don't have to; you're very welcome. My rating of director James Mahoney's 2023 movie "Arctic Armageddon" lands on a two out of ten stars.

I almost gave this a 3 star, even hoped for a 4, but that was just the first five minutes of the movie. After that it was clear that everyone associated with this movie is clueless in their role. I only gave a 2 because a very few actors and the camera work was worthy. Where to start? The script is AWFUL. Not only the words, but the staging (the director takes responsibility for some of this also), the events and responses, everything. And the actors, could you be more stiff? Admittedly I would have had a hard time delivering those lines knowing how awful the script was. Throughout the movie the viewer constantly loses attention, wondering why they do/say what they did, events/actions that don't make sense, places that don't look real, often don't even look like they fit. And whomever was responsible for stages (writer, director, and production team) find other jobs. One example, and my biggest gripe (of many)... have you never seen a submarine movie? A little advice, look up the term "suspension of disbelief". Its key to the art.