Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold

After King Solomon's Mines, Allan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) is in Africa and he's joined by Jesse Huston (Sharon Stone). Allan rescues a friend from masked locals and he tells him that his brother is still alive. They were searching for 'Lost City of Gold' and a lost white race. The masked men return to kill the friend. Allan goes off to find his brother and cancels traveling with Jesse to America for their wedding. Jesse is angry at first and decides to join him in the dangerous quest. Umslopogaas (James Earl Jones) and Swarma (Robert Donner) also join them. This continues the same problem in King Solomon's Mines. The racist tone is attributed to the source material and the satire that this movie is suppose to be. I reluctantly accept that explanation but it can't excuse the campy weak product. It is simply too poorly made. It's not funny for a comedy. As an adventure, this gets boring after awhile. This movie has too many questionable things.

I've seen a lot of movies in my day, and have a few thousand on DVD, but this really stinks. Feeble script, bad acting, and the worst special effects I've seen in a long time! Allan, the hero, of this sordid mess, uses his revolver frequently, and on the average fires 30-40 shots before he needs to reload, amazing! The natives are unbelievably stupid, and the way the heroine is depicted is beyond belief. Supposedly a well-educated archaeologist, she is also an expert of minerals, knowing exactly from where they come, within a mile, or so. Allan, the hero is also dumb as a door-knob, but his aim is flawless. He also runs without a second thought into the woods pursuing the armed, and extremely dangerous, bad guys (who naturally are black as the night, and wear white bags over their heads). He himself is unarmed, both have no concern about what might be waiting for him in the greenhouse-looking jungle! The story is so dumb, so I will not waste time on that, but compared to this turkey my former worst ever, Mega-Piranhas, is an Oscars-winner! The film must have cost a lot, as there are hundreds of extras, and a lot of sets, although very crappy, most of them. The lead actors are well-known, and sometimes superb, but in this movie they stink, like the rest!

Now I know that Allan Quatermain as literary character came before Indiana Jones, but this is a shameless rip-off. As a bad movie, this one's got it all. Sock puppet monsters, awkward comedy relief, Henry Silva, curses, magic, Sharon Stone, and an axe-wielding James Earl Jones. To its credit, this movie is very, very watchable, although most of it seems to be Chamberlain and company running around rather than following any sort of story. My only question is: if the Africans and Aryans were living in harmony for hundreds of years in the Lost City of Gold, why were there no Mulattos?

I remember seeing this movie when I was 10. It was the greatest movie that came on the basic channels since Indiana Jones would only play on cable and occasionally come on regular TV. It had exciting adventures and amazing concepts such as open floors, fast water tunnels, and a whole lot of gold. Watching it as an adult, you can say that it's a horrible movie. Everything looks beyond fake, and the acting is one of the worst. It's amazing how a movie that came out in 1987 can look more fake than one that came out in the 70's. Whatever the case may be, let your children or little siblings watch it, they'll like it.

Not even Sharon Stone's breathless performance could save this movie from itself. Apparently most of the movie's budget was spent on transporting crew and equipment to Zimbabwe for a few outside shots, then back to the LA Public Library (aka Temple of Gold) to shoot the important scenes. And, of course, the big shiny axe, wielded expertly by none other than a dentally impaired James Earl Jones. Do we even need to get into the finer points of Elvira acting as the wicked temple queen? Save yourself the trouble, and channelsurf until you find a Tony Danza marathon - the acting will be better and you might find a plotline you can follow.

Take every bad Africa legend and stereotype, sift carefully to remove all traces of logic, place in food/word processor, top with stupidity, mix crudely and serve with a thick garnish of corny. It wasn't that there were dumb stereotypes of Africa in this movie; it's that there were so *many* of them, strung together with a plot as rich as your average * movie and horribly overwrought sound. The beginning was kind of cheesy but maybe could go somewhere. As I watched, it did indeed go somewhere - downhill. It just kept getting stupider. I was hoping for fun and campy, if somewhat stupid, in an Indiana Jones & Temple of Doom sort of way. Nothing big or fancy, just an entertaining action/adventure flick. But I had been hoping for something somewhat less formulaic and thick with clichés. I have some pretty stupid goofy movies in my collection, for when I want something mindless. But this is going straight in the garbage. I don't ever want to see it again as long as I live. I picked it up for a pittance at a thrift store and clearly spent too much money. Thanks to IMDb for at least giving me the pleasure of excoriating it in public.

Someday someone will take two competent actors and make a worse picture. The true tragedy of this film is that it's not even camp.

Some films are made so bad that they are funny. "Allan Quatermain And the Lost City Of Gold" falls under that category; this is far beyond the most awful film I have in my collection. The script I'm sure disappeared on the first day of shooting, the acting is even worse and the special effects look if it had a budget of a couple of pounds. This is all elements which becomes the force of the film. You're not laughing because it's fun, but because it's bad. Maybe that's why I can still be entertained by it. "Allan Quatermain And the Lost City Of Gold" is the adventure genre's "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (though the special effects are slightly better), and I can still enjoy watching this delightly dreadful disaster of an adventure film.

So my husband turns on the tv this morning as we were lying in bed trying to decide when to get up (aaaaaahhhhh saturdays). This movie is on and he begins to watch it. With a sort of morbid fascination I watch it with him and am just enthralled by how utterly bad it is. I turn to my husband at periodic intervals and state "this is utterly pointless" but like watching the aftermath of a car wreck you are almost compeled to keep watching to see how bad it really can get. It became screamingly obvious to me during the final scenes when hero leaps through a glass roof and the wires holding him up are CLEARLY visible in the shot, then of course it just gets worse. The gold pouring scene, the fighting scenes.... (I mean what did they do put out an ad "really really bad extras needed for a film - most extras are pretty good, the extras in this film are to be honest pathetic). I completely lost it though when the "bad queen" does a flip and lands on the "bad guys" back, did they just throw their hands up at that point and say - "hell don't hide the wires or anything just leave the damn thing as it is" As I said to my husband as the credits rolled "I think that is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen in my life" it is worth watching for the sheer horror of watching stars like Richard Chamberline, Sharon Stone, and James Earl Jones act in what appears to be a high school production with a budget of $1.75.

Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold is a sequel to the 1985 J.Lee Thompson bomb King Solomon's Mines. Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone are reunited for this abysmal follow-up, which somehow contrives to be even worse than the already-awful original. In fact, this movie goes beyond mere badness and earns itself a spot in the list of all-time clunkers occupied by other such embarrassments as Tarzan the Ape Man (1981), Inchon and Myra Breckenridge. I would place this in the worst 50 films of all-time, possibly even within the worst 30! Quatermain (Chamberlain) and his sidekick Jessie (Stone) set off in search of the former's long-lost brother, who vanished while trying to locate a mythical lost city of gold deep in the Amazon. Their quest takes them through jungles, undeground tunnels, and along river rapids. Eventually they find the city, but find that its inhabitants live in fear of the cruel, tyrannical religious leaders. Quatermain leads a revolt and helps the inhabitants of the lost city to win back their freedom. There's a real cheap 'n' tacky look to the film which reminds one of low-budget TV movies on the same theme (e.g Robbers of the Sacred Mountain). Furthermore, everyone is guilty of giving lazy performances, especially Chamberlain and Stone who merely trot out the characteristics they built in the earlier film without trying to find a way to develop their characters further. James Earl Jones looks distinctly uncomfortable as a fierce warrior, Henry Silva wanders around looking dazed and confused, and poor old Robert Donner is reduced to the most embarrassing mugging imaginable in his humorless comic relief supporting role. Every jungle quest cliché in the book is resurrected for this dismal jaunt, but the effect is simply awful. At several points, you might actually find yourself grinding your teeth with despair! Even Trader Horn (1973) is more original than this!